Arrrgh!!!

It seems that the subject of safety has been on everyone's mind, lately, especially car safety. I saved an article from Cosmo on the 8 Must-haves for Your Car, thinking that I needed to outfit the car if we were going to do any summertime driving.

This is what they recommended:
1. A cell phone and charger that plugs into the car
2. A flashlight and spare batteries
3. Bottled water and protein bars
4. Candles, flares and matches in a waterproof container
5. A recent map of the area in which you are traveling
6. A blanket
7. A first aid kit
8. A bag of sand and a shovel, in case you get stuck in the snow

Okay....most of these things are pretty easy. I'd need a reminder to swap the protein bars every now and then, so they didn't turn to sawdust before we needed them.

It seems to me that you can get a folding shovel to carry in your car. Otherwise, I'd be likely to carry one only in the winter.

I guess I'll have to do some research on what should be in a first aid kit. The one I used to carry was pretty ineffectual, so it's time to get my act together and be prepared. I had a friend who was a driver's ed instructor, and he came upon an accident and needed serious stuff in his first aid kit. He was prepared, but shaken about the aid he had to give. So I'll surf and post my findings later.

I plan to go looking for a plastic container to hold all these things, except for the phone, the blanket, the sand and the shovel. I already have the phone and a blanket, so I'm part way there!

While I was considering posting the list of Must-Haves, I received an e-mail with general safety tips for women. It makes sense to post it here.

TIPS ON STAYING SAFE...

Tip from Tae Kwon Do:

The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you
are close enough to use it, do!

Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans:
if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT
HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are
that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse
than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN
LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car:
Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out
the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't
see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

Last night I attended a personal safety workshop, and
it jolted me. It was given by an amazing man, Pat
Malone, who has been a bodyguard for famous figures
like Farrah Fawcett and Sylvester Stallone. He works
for the FBI and teaches police officers and Navy SEALS
hand-to-hand combat.

This man has seen it all, and knows a lot. He focused
his teachings to us on HOW TO AVOID BEING THE VICTIM
OF A VIOLENT CRIME. He gave us some statistics about
how much the occurrences of random violence have
escalated over the recent years, and it's terrible.
Something like 99% of us will be exposed to, or become
a victim of a violent crime.

Here are some of the most important points that I got
out of his presentation:

The three reasons women are easy targets for random
acts of violence are:

1. a. Lack of Awareness: swing your arms, stand straight up.

  b. Wrong Place, Wrong Time: DON'T walk alone in an
alley, or drive in a bad neighborhood at night.

2. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after
shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their
checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO
THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is
the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the
passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you
where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK
THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

3. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot,
or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at
the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car
from the passenger
door. Most serial killers attack their victims by
pulling them into their
vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your
vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting
alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to
walk back into the mall, or work, and get a
guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better
paranoid than dead.)

ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs.
(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and
the perfect crime spot).

If the predator has a gun and you are not under his
control, ALWAYS RUN! (The predator will only hit you
(a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it
most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN! )

As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic:
STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the
serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man,
who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting
women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often
asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle,
which is when he abducted his next victim.

Pat Malone told us the story of his daughter, who
came out of the mall and was walking to her car when
she noticed 2 older ladies in front of her. Then she
saw a police car come towards her with cops who said
hello. She also noticed that all 8 handicap spots in
the area were empty. As she neared her car she saw a
man a few rows over calling to her for help. He wanted
her to close his passenger side door. He was sitting
in the back on the driver's side, and said he was
handicapped. He continued calling, until she turned
and headed back to the mall, and then he began cursing
at her. In the meantime, she wondered why he didn't
ask the 2 older ladies, or the policeman for help, and
why he was not parked in any of the empty handicap
spots. As she got back to the mall, two male friends
of hers were exiting, and as she told them the story
and turned to point at the car, the man was getting
out of the back seat into the front and the car sped
away. DON'T GET CAUGHT IN THIS TRAP.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you
know. It may save a life.

Why do weddings make me cry?? At a time when everyone else is quietly happy, I'm sitting there trying to sureptitiously staunch the flow of tears. It's not that I'm not happy for the bride and groom; I LOVE the ceremony, and have faith that they are doing a good thing. I guess it's just an overload of emotion. Whatever, it's sure a mascara nightmare!

Today, DH and I will be going to the wedding of the daughter of one of my quilting buddies. I've never met the girl, and I'm likely to cry! lol Today is Friday, and the wedding is at 4:30 in the afternoon. Doesn't that strike you as a dificult time?? It's so early that most of the guests won't be off work yet, but it was the only slot the church had open when the bride chose her date. It seems we've come to a time when the actual ceremony is less important than the reception or dinner following it.

DH's daughter is getting married May 31st. This month is going to FLY by. I figure I finally have to give up and do the Spring cleaning I've skipped for the last 14 years. The out of town guests will be invited to our house between the wedding at noon, and the reception at 5:00. I've been working in the gardens for a month already, and I have LOTS more to do. A shipment of bare-rooted plants came in on Wednesday, so I have to get them in the ground tomorrow or risk loosing them.

My stepdaughter chose to be married in an historical chapel. They are allowing them two hours...that's from the moment they begin setting up the flowers, to the moment we are out the door. Just TWO HOURS! Talk about feeling rushed. And since the only slot left was at noon, there's a long wait until the reception. Still, I think she's made good choices. We just have to adapt, as my friend and her family are doing.

My youngest sister went with me shopping for a dress. I had hoped to be in a sage green dress, or perhaps something in plum. Both of those colors are in the beading on the bride's dress. Unfortunately, the only dress that looked decent was black. It's a long black tube, with an over tunic in black and silver and sparkles. I've been obsessing about it, because first of all, I wasn't sure about wearing black to a wedding. THEN, I worried about wearing something so glitzy at noon. We've solved the issue, I think. The groom's mother is wearing a black and white knee length dress. I'm going to find a white jacket and wear that over the black dress for the wedding, and then she and I will be dressed in the same colors, and both our husbands will be in black tuxes. She will be changing for the reception, and I will ditch the white jacket, and put on the glitzy black and silver top. I'm feeling much better about this. Now, I just have to find a jacket, shoes, jewelry and a slip! (Sorry guys.....be happy I didn't go any further into those details! lol)

Oh!.......And waterproof mascara!

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

You'll be happy to know, I didn't flood the church! As I told Desiree, about two-thirds of the women, and I, quietly dabbed away tears as the Bride walked up the aisle with her father. The wedding was lovely (eat your heart out, all who couldn't attend), and the reception was wonderful! The food was tasty, the music was superb, and the company very genial. Even DH and I, who don't dance a lot any more, spent some time on the dance floor.

This morning, DH and I went shopping! I've had a list of repairs that have gone waiting for ages, and this morning we went to Home Depot to pick up the materials we needed to get them done. I didn't realize I merely had to say......"We're going tomorrow!" or I would have done this a lot sooner. We picked up a doorbell button, a flourescent light, a ballast for the mudroom light, replacement towel bars (don't ask how I damaged one.....), replacements for the floor registers, potting soil, grass seed, half a flat of marigolds, and some boat stuff. Repairs, here we come!

Then, we visited Trader Joes. What a wonderful store! I picked up chevre and olive tapenade, and a crispy cracker/flatbread, and had them for lunch. Yum!! That tapenade would be yummy on muffaletas. Trader Joes has such interesting things on the shelf, you could spend hours browsing. We picked up four types of frozen appetizers to try. If they work out, we'll serve them after the wedding when we host the out of town guests for the afternoon.

I was visiting some of the blogs that I have links to, and read that a blog is supposed to be interesting! Boy, have I missed the boat! lol I figured it was catharsis, or my personal counselor, or my Day-timer. Who-da thunk I was supposed to be entertaining you! Well.....it would be in poor taste to offer sex...when you all do it so much better (After all.....JET will tell you I can't remember HOW!!!lol) I don't have any money stories to post, or pictures of babies or babes, or flowers!..... I guess I'll just have to ponder the situation.

Have a good Saturday night!

About three weeks ago, I read an article in the Chicago Tribune about Andrea Prosse, a former Air Force Acadamy cadet. It was this article that made me decide I wanted to blog, because I was so incensed at the state of affairs in our military academies.

Ms. Prosse was in the upper third of her class, and had shown exceptional leadership skills when she was sanctioned by her fellow classmates and forced to leave school, 8 days before graduating.

While she was a student, she had dated a classmate at the Academy, and when she chose to break off the relationship, he stalked and harrassed her for more than a year. She finally asked upperclassmen, and her instructors, for assistance, and was told she had to resolve the issue on her own.

In her last semester of school, she was working on an engineering project, and the stalker accused her of lying about where she got the design for the engine she was using in the project. She had borrowed the design <u>with permission</u>, but she was tried by her peers and and forced to leave the Academy. Lying is considered an offense punishable by dismissal.

This woman was planning to become a fighter pilot, and then an astronaut, and now her plans will never see fruition. She doesn't have her college degree, and since she can't serve in the Air Force, the government is charging her for four years of education.

She chose to come forward about all this, because even if the case is overturned, and she is reinstated, her male classmates feel she has broken the code by speaking out about a fellow classmate, and has dishonored the Academy in doing so. She will never be able to effectively lead as an officer with this in her background, so this web of lies has destroyed her life long plans.

I have a <b>HUGE</b> problem with an institution that encourages this type of behavior. My tax dollars are going to support a place that feels loyalty to the institution is more important than honesty. Furthermore, the male cadets closed ranks behind the male cadet despite the fact that his actions were clearly self-serving, and this points up the fact that the future leaders of our military place little value on gentlemanly behavior, and NO value on women in the service.

All of this has come on the heels of of 47 women telling their Congressmen that they had been raped or assaulted while they were at the Air Force Acadamy. (Ms. Prass was assaulted by an upperclassman.) At least four of the top officers at the Academy have been asked to step down, but I don't think changing officers at the top is sufficient. Women who elect to serve our county shouldn't have to worry about defending themselves from OUR military personnel.

I don't have the solution to this mess, but I want to see those in charge take the matter more seriously! What do YOU think? Is there a place for women in the services?

I used to sleep like a rock. For years I could fall asleep just about anywhere, and sleep for 8 to 10 hours. I'm pretty sure that I've slept through at least two tornadoes. I never understood insomnia.

Well, tonight I have insomnia, and I have it bad! Over the past year I've developed a lot of discomfort that peaks when I'm trying to sleep. The doc thinks it's arthritis. During the day I keep busy, and generally ignore the discomfort, but when I stretch out in bed, I'm likely to toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position.

DH made it to bed tonight before I did, and between his snoring, and my aches, I just gave up and came to my computer. The one disadvantage about talking to people around the world is that they are generally not on line when you are! So....you get TWO posts for the day....and maybe more later on! *G*

What do YOU do when you can't sleep?? Besides the very obvious (GRINS), I find that working in the office helps, or a small glass of wine, or sometimes reading a book. But you have to be careful about that book. If it's too interesting, it can keep you up all night long, and defeat your purpose. I think I may find out why so many of my quilting friends quilt in the middle of the night! lol

I wish you all sweet dreams!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I was cleaning out drawers last night, and came across a yellowed scrap of paper that I had cut from an Ann Landers column years ago. William W. Quinn, Lt. General, U.S. Army (Ret.) had sent a letter to Ann, and I'm going to post part of it here.

"......reminded me of an article I had saved, although I don't know who wrote it. The article said the world's great civilizations averaged a cycle of 200 years. Those societies progressed through this sequence:

From bondage to spiritual faith
From spiritual faith to great courage
From great courage to liberty
From liberty to abundance
From abundance to selfishness
From selfishness to complacency
From complacency to apathy
From apathy to dependency
From dependency back again into bondage

As the United States has passed its 200th birthday, and in view of the recent epidemic of immorality, I wonder how your readers would assess America's current position in this cycle."

I believe that we are somewhere between abundance and complacency, but it's difficult to pin down just where. Certainly the immorality, drug use, and astonishing numbers of people in prision are signs of a decline. On the other hand, the rise in church attendence and charitable organizations such as Habitat for Humanity show a positive side that still exists.

I'm concerned about a number of things I see around me. I think that a large part of the populace feels that there is no point in voting because their vote can't accomplish anything. In the last election, the two candidates for President sounded like clones. I've never seen an election where the two parties were so similar in their platforms. Furthermore, a lot of the population believes, probably rightly so, that you can't get elected unless you have personal wealth.

I'm also concerned about a lack of social manners. Simple things such as assisting an older person, or holding a door for the person following you, or being pleasant to a person providing you with a service.....at a check out counter, or a salon, or the post ofice, these simple things are being lost in a world that is very ego oriented.

And the need for instant gratification that I see in the young concerns me. The only thing my parents paid for over time was their home. Everything else waited until they had the cash to buy it outright. We have chosen to live similarly, with a couple of exceptions. When I was refinancing the house, I was obsessing over $1000 on a credit card right after Christmas. It seemed like an inordinant amount to have spent, and I was afraid we wouldn't be able to refinance. The banker astounded me when he told me they MIGHT be concerned if I had $35 - $40,000 on credit. Who can live with that much debt hanging over their heads?

SO.....what do you think? Where are we on the scale of societal development? Are there other signs that we're further along the slippery slide?

Don't you wish that you could go "cold turkey" when you diet? *G* You could just stop eating, and your problem would be solved. Eating is an addiction for me. I eat for comfort rather than to live, and now, I have to learn more reasonable eating habits. I want to loose weight for health reasons, for vanity, because I crave the love and approval of my peers and family (not really.....well, maybe SOME of them...*G*). For the most part, I want to loose weight to be healthy.

Desiree is starting a diet. I was visiting her blog and found a kindred spirit. We may go about the process a little differently though. I know that I need more exercise and less food. Once I have made those changes, I will start working on just what kind of food I'm eating.

Tonight, we had broiled salmon marinated in Italian dressing, steamed green beans with bacon, roasted red potatoes with Lipton Onion Soup mix, and strawberries. This meal wasn't horrible, but there are a number of ways I could have improved it. I could have made my own merinade with less fat, or done without the merinade. I could have left the bacon off the beans. I could have had a baked potato with Molly McButter rather than the roasted potatoes with soup mix, and I could have left the sugar off the strawberries. And, I could have added a salad with crunchy veggies to that menu.

This is going to be a lifelong endeavor, but wish me luck as I start out.

We're voracious readers in this household. We probably single handedly support Borders, and Amazon.com. We also hit the library once or twice a month.

Lately, because I've been getting the house ready for our daughter's wedding, I haven't had as much time to read, so I forced myself not to collect any books that might tempt me. Sunday night I really needed to sit down with a book. My back was hurting and I needed a little quiet time, so I borrowed a book that my mother had just finished.

You can really tell that we are from different generations by the books we read. The book was by Jayne Anne Krentz. It was one of her "modern" books, rather than one of the Regency books she writes under the pseudonym "Amanda Quick." Actually, I like the Regency books she writes, and I dislike the modern ones. It seems to me that the Regency heroines are all self-sufficient, intelligent women who are misfits in their time and very pragmatic about relationships. In the modern settings, you're likely to find a heroine who WANTS to be overwhelmed by a man, and to some degeree measures herself by the men who want her.

I cringe when I read some of the lines she gives the men! "I must HAVE you." "I had you last night, and you were willing." "I'll have you again." What's with the HAVE stuff?? I don't know if she was just an immature author when she penned those lines, or if she really believes guys think and talk that way.

I guess what bothers me most about this is that she's a best-selling author. That means that somewhere out there, women are enjoying what she's writing. Does that also mean that there are women who swoon at the thought of being HAD....or taken? It's one thing to have an emotionally and physically strong partner. It's another to loose your say in what's going on with your body or your life. All this HAVE stuff makes me vaguely uncomfortable.

I know that it's not easy to write women's romance. I'd LOVE to be able to write an entire book, but so far all I've managed is vignettes, and most of them are too pornagraphic to publish! Still, I'd rather see a plot with a strong female lead, instead of someone who worries that the big strong man MAY know her needs better than she does. I think it's a bad idea to promote that idea.

I guess I'm lucky that this is the greatest of my worries tonight. *S* I hope you all have a great night!

I really should. It doesn't seem to matter that I have nothing earth-shaking to say. I'd just much rather blog than work. Colossal avoidance, I'd say. *G*

Can you tell me how it is that a man can sit and watch television when so much needs to be done around him? How can he ignore those dishes that need to be done, or clothes that need to be folded? I wonder if I have lost the ability to sit still and ignore what needs to be done around me?

I was talking with a friend today, and he told me he had made some signs for work. I said that might be what I needed. "PUT THAT SPOON IN THE DISHWASHER!" OR "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING MUDDY FOOTPRINTS ON THE FLOOR!" Even my MOTHER thinks there are house elves to clean up after her. When did I become everyone's keeper? It's a job I don't want but I can't seem to get rid of it.

Do you think you reach a point in your life when you'd like to be able to take care of your own concerns first, or are we preoccupied from the git-go with our own issues? I'd like to be able to eat when I'm hungry rather than making meals at set times. I'd like to be able to get up and go to bed without having to justify my hours to someone else. I'd like to do things that I consider fun FIRST.....and maybe then, do the stuff that "needs" to be done.

Maybe I'm just getting to my second childhood. Who knows! (shrugging) If I start running with Tootsie Roll Pops in my mouth, stop me, huh??

I was reading the Chicago Tribune, and came across this article http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-030508hazing,1,6268353.story?coll=chi%2Dnewslocal%2Dhed.

In a prosperous town North of Chicago, the junior and senior girls were having a "powder puff" football game, that turned into a hazing of the junior girls. The juniors were pelted with mud and feces, splattered with paint, and beaten up. Two of the girls needed medical attention.

Two assumptions made in the article truly bothered me. It was suggested that parents had provided alcohol, and also had helped to gather the feces used in the hazing. What parent in their right mind would have done that?? The sanitary considerations alone make this a dangerous and stupid activity, but what kind of message did they give their children? "It's okay to play with feces, honey; they won't hurt you at all!" "Go ahead and drink in public.....everyone else does!" "BASH that girl! You've hated her all year; now's your chance to give her one!"

Where were the school officials who should have been present for a school activity? Was this planned to take place in the Forest Preserve so that school officials wouldn't be there? And what about parents who were present? Why didn't they stop it?

Hazing is inappropriate! ANYWHERE! I was involved in a hazing situation at college, and learned that even at that age, students still need guidance. The book "Lord of the Flies" runs through my mind every time I hear about students having the chance to assert their authority over classmates. We need to do a lot more to be sure that young people understand the need for social interaction, and how it works.

It's old fashioned, but I've always used this as my guide: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Yep....the Golden Rule. Generations have used it successfully, but I'm beginning to worry that it's going to fall by the wayside. Just how do you pursuade the junior girls that revenge isn't sweet, and necessary? After all......they'd just be doing what has been done to them!

NO MORE HAZING!

Since I posted, more information has been made available about the hazing incident in Northbrook. I've seen footage of it on the TV, and listened to commentary on the radio.

It seems the girls organized this activity on their own, without the sanction of the school. It took place off the school grounds, and <u>legally</u> is not the school's responsibility. At one time, this type of activity was allowed, but the school ended the practice when it became too rough.

The senior girls ordered yellow sweatshirts for themselves, and white ones for the juniors, and then invited the juniors to participate at a cost of $35-40. The principal wondered why anyone would accept an invitation to be hazed. I wonder why they stayed and put up with it when it got bad.

The juniors were huddled on the ground , surrounded by a circle of seniors, being smeared with all sorts of offensive things, and struck. Several people video taped the entire episode!

The best of the comments that I have heard so far have to do with responsibility. The KIDS should be held responsible for their actions , and so should their parents, since the girls are still minors.

The school had both the students and their parents sign a code of behavior at the start of the school year that would preclude behavior like this. While the senior girls will not be suspended, they have been banned from extracurricular activities. I bet the next howl we will hear will be from the parents of the girls who will not be allowed to go to prom!

A more militant opinion was that the police should have been called, and this should have been pursued legally. It would surely give other students pause for thought.

I don't know yet how aggressively I'd pursue this. We need to work with younger children to instill respect for their classmates, rather than putting out fires in high school. And I STILL think hazing should be banned!

This list is the top 30 searches on Lycos for the week ending May 5, 2003:

1 X2: X-Men United
2 Tattoos
3 KaZaA
4 SARS
5 Dragonball
6 Kentucky Derby
7 American Idol
8 Prom Hairstyles
9 Britney Spears
10 Mother's Day
11 The Matrix Reloaded
12 NFL
13 50 Cent
14 WWE
15 Atkins Diet
16 Las Vegas
17 NASCAR
18 Pamela Anderson
19 NBA
20 IRS
21 Marijuana
22 Yu-Gi-Oh!
23 Jennifer Lopez
24 Brooke Burke
25 Dixie Chicks
26 Baseball
27 Eminem
28 Harry Potter
29 Christina Aguilera
30 Iraq Rebuilding

Please note the type of subject that makes up the first 29, and then look at the 30th. How naive we are to let the subject of rebuilding Iraq fall to 30.

I suppose this gives us some idea of the median age level of the people surfing at Lycos. *GRINS*

It's been a really long day, and I'm just about at the end of it. I had my nose to the grindstone in the office and have very little to show for it. The most irritating part of the day was waiting for people to return my calls so that I could get my work done.

By 1:00, I was working myself into a tizzy, and realized I needed a break, or I would make my family miserable, so I turned to my computer and browsed blogs.

Dr. D had written about ghosts, and it made me think of Dad. When I was younger, I believed that if ghosts couldn't be proven scientifically, they didn't exist. But I've had a change of heart. Now, I believe that there are worlds out there just beyond our consciousness, waiting for us to wake up and find them.

My Dad died 20 years and 9 days ago. I still miss him, although I no longer think of him every day. Perhaps it is the time of year that's made me think of him recently.

My Dad was one of those fathers who are perfect in the eyes of their daughters. He was my rock. I could always count on him to be there for me, whether I was right or wrong. He would have supported me if I was right, and gently guided me if I was wrong, but he would have been by my side. I have three sisters, and each one of us is confident that "Dad loved ME the most!"

Dad had five major heart attacks, and a host of smaller ones he never knew he had. He hated doctors and chose not to go for help unless it was an emergency. He had an aortic aneurysm, and we lost him 10 days after it burst. The night he died tornadoes swept through Springfield. The entire world was in disarray. Horrible storms followed the tornadoes. On our way home, I had to pull off the road and park under the canopy of a bank drive-through to get out of a hail storm. The weather seemed totally fitting to me. After all, I was mourning the loss of my Dad. Why shouldn't the world mourn too?

The next week was horrible. There were wakes in two states before my Dad was finally laid to rest. I though it would go on forever when I just wanted to be alone. It was then that I realized Dad was there. At first, I thought I might catch him if I turned to my right fast enough. It seemed he was standing just behind me, keeping an eye on things and reassuring me. Finally, I stopped trying to trip him up, and just accepted the comfort it brought me that he was near. It felt rather like he was standing beside me with his arm around my shoulders helping me through all that needed to be done.

I never talked with him. I didn't see him. But, I know he was there. He was with me for five or six weeks, and then one day I realized he was gone. I kinda think he needed to stay to be sure that Mother was cared for, and that we were taking care of things.

Are there ghosts? I don't know. Was my father with me? Yes. You have to decide for yourself what you believe.

One more thing..... My father was an exceptional man. I hope I'll see him again one day. Dad......I love you.

Don't you love old movies?? Tonight we went out to dinner and then came home to watch "The Thin Man," and "The Return of the Thin Man." While I like William Powell and Myrna Loy, I think Cary Grant is probably my favorite actor. Have you ever seen "I was a Male War Bride"?? I watched it so many times that I had the script memorized.

Fred is addicted to the Marx Brothers. We have all their movies on tape. I hope I never have to spend another New Year's Eve watching the collected works of the Marx Brothers! *G*

A number of years ago the American Film Institute created several shows along the lines of The Best 100 American Films of the 20th Century. We watched, and for days discussed their choices and ranking. I was always unhappy that Sci-fi wasn't adequately represented, but I was pleased to see how many times Katherine Hepburn's movies were listed.

My all time favorite tear-jerker?? Probably "Out of Africa," but "Ryan's Daughter" runs a close second.

Fred bought me a DVD player for the table where I piece my quilts. I've purchased about 20 DVDs in the past 10 months, and the choices were really odd. Bruce Willis's quirkiest movies are represented, with "Hudson Hawke" and "The Fifth Element." "Miss Congeniality" and "Pretty Woman" are the chick flicks. "First Contact" from Star Trek is the only sci-fi so far. I have both the Harry Potter movies, and have just about worn out the first one! THe only war movie is "Bridge on the River Kwai." Cary Grant shows up several times. "It Takes a Thief," and "Charade" are two of them.

If you could only choose one movie to watch again and again, what would you pick?

I think the MAN who invented disposable razors needs to be taken out and hung by his……..well……..nevermind!

A couple of weeks ago, I was going to have a pedicure. I am blessed to be able to indulge myself this way once a month. Besides the obvious hedonism involved, the pedicures have improved my general foot health, so I make sure that I keep the appointments. You can also add mental and emotional health to that list. My office is in my home, so it’s nice to be able to get away now and then and socialize while I’m being pampered within an inch of my life.

The morning of the pedicure, I needed to shave my legs. Trust me guys, women don’t go to the salon for a pedicure looking hairy. It’s just not done. I was pressed for time, and I knew that my mother would be tapping her toes, waiting for me to take her to exercise class, so I picked up my razor and decided that it might be a good idea to change blades. That was a mistake.

I was out of replacement blades, so my choices were the dull blade, or a disposable razor left over from a trip. I opted for the disposable razor, and hopped into the tub. (Speedbump….if you’re reading……yep, it’s the tub that just about put you to sleep when you visited. *G*)

I should have used the dull blade. I zipped through the shaving, and was stepping out of the tub when I realized blood was flowing down both legs! I was dabbing at it when I realized I was seriously late…..and hoofed it down the hall to warn my mother that I might be a bit longer. While I’m standing there, blood is gushing down my right leg. “Mom, I’ll be ready as soon as I can; I have to do something about this first.”

I washed my legs and put a Band-Aid over the worst gusher. I had dripped on the carpet, and when I knelt down to clean it up, blood oozed through the Band-Aid and made another mess. I must have had twenty cuts that were dripping!

It’s taken me weeks to recover, and there are still a few spots that need to heal, including a patch of razor burn. I collected every disposable razor in the house and threw them out. It’s a good thing I’m well known at the salon. Given concerns about AIDS, they could have refused to touch me. In the future I’ll go to my appointments hairy rather than risk slicing my legs up like that again.

The only good thing that came of this was that I discovered I could divert my mother from being impatient with me if I am seriously bleeding. I know. It would be easier to get my act together and be on time, but then I’d have to give up sleeping. I'd rather bleed.

I don't know about you, but I tend to think of myself as being rather anonymous. I have a large family and a circle of friends, but I live on the dividing line between two cities which together have a quarter million residents. I'm a small fish in a pretty good-sized pond. When I go out, I don't expect to see anyone I know.

So my sense of anonymity was a little disrupted today as I read an article in the Chicago Tribune called "Data Tracks." (http://www.chicagotribune.com/technology/chi-0305090364may11,1,2664836.story) I know that business and government have been able to track us for ages. I guess I've been fairly complacent about it, because I didn't have anything to hide. But the amount of information being collected on us has increased exponentially.

We have something on Illinois tollways called I-pass. With it, you can drive through tollbooths without stopping, as it makes note of your car and the time, and deducts from your account. The record of your travels is not readily available, but it can be supoenaed in court cases.

When you use your phone, a record is kept of the time and the number called. As you walk in the city, security devices now film you using digital cameras. When you shop at large grocery stores , a list of your purchases and the day you shop is stored in their computers. Each time you use your charge card, the item, shop and date is kept. A withdrawal at an ATM causes MORE records to be entered, and a CTA card keeps track of your travels. If you use a car rather than public transportation, gas stations note where you have been. Libraries are tracking the interests of their users with computers, now. Both checks and credit cards track our spending.

We've all known that our personal information is out there on the web. I get calls or e-mails from companies who have researched my mortgage and want to entice me with a lower rate. My credit rating is available to anyone clever enough to request it. The federal government is putting everything on computer so that they can compare your taxes to the W2s and company pay records. State Unemployment divisions work with Social Security to be sure the appropriate name and number match contributions being made.

So....I guess I'm a rather public property these days. I hate to be paranoid, but I wonder how this might be used against me some day. Who needs all this data? Why are they saving it? I can understand L.L.Bean tracking my purchases, but it's shocking when the local Chinese restaurant does the same thing.

And, having said all this, I doubt seriously there is any way for me to stop this tracking. Maybe I need to start riding my bike more, and pay strictly by cash....

Wild Debauchery! Hedonism! Carousing! Don't those words bring wonderful images to your mind? I see rippling muscles, rivulets of sweat, rumpled bed covers, an empty bottle of wine and two glasses, clothes strewn over the floor, and a candle burning down. I can't begin to describe the sounds!

When did I turn away from a life of carousing to become a conservative suburban matron? What made me choose to become a housekeeper and a chauffeur rather than a hedonist? What made me give up wild debauchery and settle into office work? I could become famous if I had the answers and could warn people about veering off the path of pleasure!

I remember reading one of the last things Erma Bombeck wrote before she died.
She felt she would have lived a different life if she could do it over. She would have focused less on keeping a showplace of a house, and more on time spent loving her children and husband. Too many of us are rehearsing our lives rather than living them, and end up with the same regrets Erma had.

Then, there's always the need to live up to your family's expectations. I wish I could be the black sheep of the family. I could miss gatherings and forget birthdays and generally have a bad reputation. And I'd know that they'd all talk about me now and then, but it wouldn't bother me in the least.

Do you suppose we are genetically disposed to be what we become, or is is our ennvironment that forms us? Nature vs. Nurture. I've never been able to decide which is the stronger influence. It feels to me that "nurture" was stronger, in leading me to the suburban matron role. So where was "nature" when my wild debauchery was waning away?? Wouldn't you think the instinct for sex.....well....for procreation, would always be the strongest?

My husband is going to retire before I do. Unfortunately, I work for him, and I'll be out a job when that time comes. My sister suggested that I put in some time managing a McDonald's, but I have a better idea. I think I'll take up phone sex. *G* I actually announced that to my mother. She just gave me one of "those" looks. I know she was wondering if they swapped babies at the hospital.

Have you ever stood before a mirror and practiced a look??

I think I've done this just once, preparing a smile for a photo shoot. But, I understand that it's a pretty common thing. I wonder if young girls practice looks to lure boy friends, or if their 20 year old counterparts practice sensual looks to melt their lovers? Do BOYS practice looks in the mirror??? God....the thought must send teenage girls into gales of giggles.

Why do we need to practice a look? Is it to be sure that we are communicating correctly? Or are we putting our best foot forward? Or is it possible we really don't know what we look like when we move our muscles?

Let's see.....I think I have the "Lady Astor" look down pat. You know the one....where someone tilts her head back, raises one eyebrow, and looks down her nose at you?? I've got that one perfected. I learned it watching my Mother. I think I need a LOT of work on the "Sultry Siren" look. I can't do it yet with out laughing, and it spoils the effect.

I'm gonna go off and think about other looks I need to practice on. I hope you all have a good night.

This is for Desiree.

White Wine Onion Soup

1/4 cup butter
6 cups sliced Bermuda onions
1 clove garlic, minced
1 teaspoon sugar
2 Tablespoons flour
5 3/4 cups chicken broth
1/4 cup beef broth
2 cups dry white wine

Melt the butter in a large heavy saucepan over low heat. Add onion and garlic and stir to coat. Cover and cook 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Sprinkle with sugar, increase the heat to medium and cook uncovered until onion is a deep amber color, about 30 minutes, stirring frequently. Reduce heat to low, blend in flour, and stir 3 minutes. Add broths and wine. Increase the heat and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Reduce heat to low, cover partially and simmer the soup for 20 minutes. Season with freshly ground black pepper.

Ladle into heated bowls and top with 2 slices of Gruyere Garlic Toast. Serve immediately. Serves 6.

Gruyere Garlic Toast

10 ounce loaf French bread
1 to 2 cloves of garlic, halved
3 Tablespoons olive oil
1/2 pound sliced Gruyere cheese
Preheat the oven 425 degrees. Arrange the bread, cut into 1/2 inch slices in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake, turning once, until crisp and golden, about five minutes per side. (Can be prepared up to 1 day ahead to this point. Cool completely and store in an airtight containter.)

About 15 minutes before the soup is ready, preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Line baking sheets with foil. Arrange toast on prepared baking sheets. Rub surface of toast with cut side of garlic cloves. Drizzle with olive oil. Top with Gruyere. Bake until the cheese is lightly browned, 5-7 minutes. Serve immediately.

For stronger flavor, use 1/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese instead of Gruyere. Sprinkle the cheese evenly over each slice of toast before second baking.

Notes: We prefer to reverse the amounts of beef and chicken broth, so that we use 5 3/4 cups of beef broth in our soup. If the soup is too strong to your taste, or you need to stretch it, you can add water. You can choose any white wine that you care to drink for this soup. Each type will give the soup a slightly different flavor. Personally, I don't care for chardonnay, so I don't put it in my soup.

Oven conversions for UK readers.

Thanks to my youngest sis for this recipe!

I've been thinking about wedding rings lately. I've been married twice, so I have a spare. When I was divorced, I chose to put mine away. I know that some women throw them away, some pawn them, and some have them reset. I didn't reset mine because even reset, it would have reminded me of times I prefer to put behind me. Besides, that diamond had already been reset once. My ex took the diamond from a previous engagement and reset it for me. Enough is enough.

I was surfing, looking to see how other women (and men) had responded to this issue. You might enjoy this collection of replies to Dear Prudie.

When DH proposed to me, we went to my-sister-the-jeweler to order rings. I picked out a setting and she went to Chicago to get diamonds on consignment. She and her employees chose the diamond and had it set. When DH slipped the ring on my finger, I realized that my sister had put the diamond in the setting SHE liked, not in the one I chose. What the heck! The ring is beautiful. I refused to take it off. Besides, it gives me something to rib her about. She'll be glad when my memory goes! lol

So.....did you throw yours into the ocean, or have it reset for a daughter? Did you melt it down and make a pendant out of it, or pawn it to fund a good time? Or have you been blessed and not had to think about this?

This is an absolutely perfect recipe for when the tomatoes are warm and ripe. Plant some tomatoes now, and surround them with some basil, and you can grow some of the ingredients in your own garden!

Farmer’s Tomato Pie

30 minutes preparation
32 minutes baking
10 minutes stand time

1 piecrust
1 1/3 cups shredded Italian blend cheese (5 ½ oz.)
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 Tbsp. Fine dry breadcrumbs
2 lbs. Ripe tomatoes cut into wedges
1 cup Cherry tomatoes, cut in halves
½ tsp salt
1/4-1/2 cup loosely packed small basil leaves

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Pie crust

Roll out a prepared piecrust to a twelve-inch circle. Place in a 9” quiche pan or a 9” pie pan, and trim. If using a pie pan, crimp the edges. Line the unpricked pastry with TWO thicknesses of foil. Bake 8 minutes. Remove foil and bake another 4-5 minutes, until set and dry. Remove from the oven.

Reduce the temperature to 375 degrees.

Filling

Sprinkle 1/3 cup cheese evenly over baked shell.
Sprinkle garlic over cheese.
Sprinkle 2 tsp. Breadcrumbs over garlic and cheese
Top with 1/3 of the tomato wedges and 1/3 of the cherry tomatoes

Sprinkle ½ cup cheese
Sprinkle 2 tsp of the dry breadcrumbs
Top with 3 of the tomato wedges and 1/3 of the cherry tomatoes

Repeat last set of instructions once more and then sprinkle with salt.

Bake 20-25 minutes or until pastry is golden brown and tomatoes are just beginning to brown.

Remove to wire rack
Sprinkle with basil and let stand for 10 minutes

Don't you just hate it when you've started a book and something interrupts you and you don't get to finish it? Normally I pick up a book and read it straight through cover to cover, sometimes in one day. Of course, I'm wrecked the next day if I've been reading into the wee hours, but some books you just can't put down. There are three books that I've started, that I really want to finish, that I won't be able to get to for three or four weeks.

The first is a book that was widely popular a number of years ago: "Tuesdays With Morrie." I've started it, and I know the basic arc of the book, but I set it aside, claiming that Christmas was demanding my time. I don't handle death and dying as well as I'd like, and I know there are great lessons to be learned from this book, so once the wedding is over this will be the next book up.

One of my nieces is always reading. She keeps an eye on what the book clubs are discussing and what the best sellers are, and occasionally she will give me a book. Since she knows that I traditionally read trash, she gave me something more enlightening: "The Red Tent" by Anita Diamant. The novel is the story of the Biblical character Dinah. I've read more than half the book. I set it down at the point where Dinah's father is going to send her life in a totally unexpected direction. The Boston Globe said of this book: "An intense, vivid novel...It is tempting to say that The Red Tent is what the Bible would be like if it had been written by women, but only Diamant could have given it such sweep and grace." Diamant has done a superb job of showing us what life in those times must have been like.

The last book I need to finish is "Under The Tuscan Sun" by Frances Mayes. Mayes and her husband purchased a Tuscan villa and renovated it over several summers. The book is based on her journals, and begins with the search for the right villa, and carries us through the vagaries of construction, permits, and contractors to the point where they are able to welcome friends to their summer home. It's packed with descriptions of the local food, and in some places feels like a travelog. The heat of the day, the frustration of getting good help, and the incredible textures of Italian food all pour out of this book. It's the perfect volume to pick up on a chilly, rainy day.

There's one more book I haven't read, but I hope to pick up today. It's called "A Round Heeled Woman: My Late-Life Adventures in Sex and Romance," by Jane Juska. The author placed this ad in a personals column: "Before I turn 67--next March--I would like to have a lot of sex with a man I like. If you want to talk first, Trollope works for me." This Midwestern English teacher had endured an unsatisfying marriage and become a single, mostly celibate, mom, and wanted to experience the pleasure of touching before her life ebbed away. I'm interested in the courage it took to pursue this passion, and the story of how she chose the men who played a feature role in her life. My understanding is that she made love to men in a range of ages and that the unifying factor was that almost all of them wanted the same kindness in a relationship that she was hoping to find. There were cads and selfish men, but the majority were gentle men reaching out to make a connection and break the bonds of loneliness. I'll have to let you know if the book lives up to my expectations. *S*

So.....have you read any good books lately??

7 oz spaghetti, broken into 2” pieces and boiled
¼ cup butter
¼ cup flour
1 tsp. Salt
¼ tsp. White pepper
¼ tsp. Nutmeg
2 cups chicken broth (or one can 14 ½ oz chicken broth)
1 cup milk
3 Tbsp. Sherry flavoring
2 cups cooked chicken, cut in small pieces
½ cup cooked ham
¼ cup chopped green pepper sautéed, or 4 oz. Jar pimiento, cut up
1cup ripe olives cut in large pieces or ½ lb. mushrooms, sliced and sautéed
in butter 5 minutes
1 egg yolk
½ cup grated Parmesan cheese or ½ cup slivered toasted almonds

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Melt butter over low heat in heavy saucepan. Blend flour and seasonings. Cook over low heat, stirring until mixture is smooth and bubbly. Remove from heat. Stir in broth and milk. Bring to a boil; boil one minute, stirring constantly. Blend in sherry flavoring. Add sauce to cooked spaghetti. Add turkey, ham, green pepper, olives and egg yolk to spaghetti. Pour into a 2-quart baking dish. Sprinkle with cheese or almonds. Bake uncovered 25 to 30 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes before serving. Serves 6 to 8.

My family likes the version with green pepper and mushrooms. Use whole milk to make the sauce or it will look gray! The sauce is VERY thin…so don’t worry when you make it….there’s nothing wrong. This is a great recipe for using up leftover chicken or ham, and if you have any left over, it’s good
reheated the next day.

This is another of those things I just don't understand. How does a person come to need to be top dog so badly that they choose to make a life of it? Does it come from the positive reinforcement of one success on top of another, or is it because they are making up for a lack of success in some part of their life?

I've been poor as a church mouse, wondering if there was going to be enough food to make it to the next payday, and I've been in reasonably comfortable circumstances. I don't think that having more things made me a better, or even a different, person. Things are just things. What makes a Porche or a Lincoln Navigator better than a VW, or a Ford?

I can understand working to have more security or comfort, but I don't understand the pleasure of amassing things just so you can go "Neener Neener Neener.....I have XXXX and you DON'T!" SO WHAT!? I figure that everybody except Bill Gates has somebody who is worth more or owns more. Owning things because they give you pleasure is fine. Owning things so you can lord it over others is not.

I wonder if this amounts to the human version of the pecking order? Does conspicuous consumption play a part in a guy attracting a woman who will help him create a brood of little conspicuous consumers, thereby establishing his position in society?

Do you remember studying Abraham Mazlow's concept of Self Actualization in school? He felt that there were four steps we pass through to become self actualized: survival, security, social acceptance, and self esteem. It might seem that possessions could give you social acceptance and self esteem, but the construct is much more complex than that. I doubt that anyone who is into one up-manship would be willing to divert their focus to their inner needs, and without a knowledge of one's self, you can't achieve self esteem.

How in the world did I get diverted to that??

Anyway, I'll share one of life's lessons I've learned with you:
Material things are unimportant in the scheme of life. Love and Friendship are what matter the most.

Did you ever have to dissect something in biology class? As I recall, we had to cut up dead worms. Our biology teacher should NEVER have been allowed near kids. He took pleasure in making the weakest of us squirm and was vindictive and sarcastic. He managed to rise to the level of Principal, so he could affect larger numbers of students. :-( I suppose that we were lucky that we only had to work on worms. If we had had to cut up a frog, I would have been kicked out of school for refusing to do it.

I was pondering just why we need to disect things. I realize that the hope is that we will understand more thoroughly with a first hand experience, rather than merely reading about it. But most of us aren't ever going to see the inside of a worm again. The closest most of us get to frogs once we leave school, will be running them over with the car. So, WHY do we waste so many days playing with sharp knives?

It occured to me that I might have been able to protest having to disect anything. Of course, that wasn't done in the middle ages, but if I had been pushed into cutting up a frog, I might have tried it. I wonder if a kid has done just that somewhere, creating a precident?

We could accomplish the same learning experience with latex models which could be assembled and disassembled. Since the models are reusible, the cost for class supplies would go down. The knives could be kept locked away and the school's insurance bill would go down. And, consciencious objectors would have nothing to complain about!

I vote that disection be limited to science and medical classes and butchers, and not required of high school students.

Yep......today's the day. Fred toodled off with the Arrr!!! Anyone who is driving on the Eisenhower in Chicago....please wave as he goes by. He's the one towing a 32' sailboat.

Fred is addicted to water. I don't know where this came from, since we have lived our lives in a (mostly) land locked state. I always thought he was destined to be a pilot, and I would have been THRILLED to go flying with him. Somewhere he took a 180 degree turn and ended up a sailor instead. I wouldn't mind it if I didn't get violently ill every time I get on the boat.

We've tried every remedy known to man: Dramamine, Bonine, pressure strips for the wrist, ginger cookies and ginger tablets, ad nauseum (literally!). And nothing works. I suspect part of it has to do with the roughness of the harbor, and part of it is that the risks my free spirited husband takes scare me to death.

Soooo...each summer I become a boat widow. From today, May 17th to October 15th, he will be gone almost every Saturday and Sunday, off sailing Lake Michigan. This year, though, we have claimed two of his very early sailing days. On June 8th he has agreed to accompany me in the Walter Payton 5k Fitness Walk. And May 31st his only daughter is getting married. He asked her if he could wear his boat clothes to the wedding...... She didn't smile.

During the early and late stages of my widowhood I do all sorts of things out doors. There's an antique fair I love to visit, and the Gold Coast Art fair is fun. I do a lot of gardening, and try to get in some walking. I make plans to visit friends for lunch or brunch, and I make short trips. But when we get to mid July and August, I hibernate in my home. It's too HOT to go out!

I'm collecting books for the summer reading session, and looking for cool recipes for meals. You'll find me here, wondering where everyone else is. Come by and visit, ya hear??

Boooooooooo Hoooooooooo

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is coming to an end. Not that I watched it or anything.....

Here are 10 one liners we won't forget, courtesy of the Chicago Tribune, Arts & Entertainment Section, Sunday, May 18, 2003:

1. "Comfy? I'm chained in a bathtub drinkin' pig's blood from a novelty mug. Doesn't rank huge in the Zagat's guide." --Spike

2. "She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?"--Spike

3. "We're drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffemakers that think."--Riley

4. "Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons."--Giles (THIS IS MY PERSONAL FAV!)

5. "You're not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you?"--Giles

6. "We can't run. That would be wrong. Could we hide?"--Willow

7. "Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint."--Buffy

8. "You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make a noise when you walk. You...stomp. Or yodel."--Buffy

9. "Eww! Why is it that every conversation you poeple have has the word 'corpse' in it?--Cordelia

10. "I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they are not good."--Xander

There you have it.....the highlights of seven years of screen time! Kinda makes you wonder how they became a cult favorite.

I suppose this is the appropriate place to tell how I came to be called "Buffy." About four years ago I decided that I was going to enter the life of on-line chatting. The very first obstacle I faced was the need for a nickname to get into the chatroom. You got it......in the background "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" was playing, and I borrowed her name. At the time it seemed reasonable. I had no idea that so many people would come to know me as "Buffy." I am as unlike Sarah Michelle Gellar as a woman could be, but she provided a lot of cover, and some very stupid one liners, during my chatting days. I finally got tired of the masquerade and fessed up to being a "mature suburban matron" *G* but the name stuck. I truly envy those of you who are quick witted and can come up with repartee for every situation. Maybe if I associate with you a little of it will rub off. Until then....."Hi! I'm Buffy!"

For the past month, every other word out of my mouth has been "wedding." It's not even MY wedding, and I'm overloaded with chores in preparation. Thank GOD for my sister, who kindly invited my mother to visit her for a week. We've been busy doing fourteen years of Spring cleaning while she was away.

My stepdaughter is getting married in ten days. Her wedding is at noon and the reception is not until 5:00, so we are opening our home to out of town guests for the afternoon. There is NOTHING like having strangers coming to your home to make you look at it critically. I made a three page list of chores to do, have added most of a fourth page, and have slowly been working through them. I got to the gardens yesterday and today.

You know, before you go out and weed and plant your gardens, you really should exercise for a few months! I weeded yesterday for almost three hours and another two hours today, and I can feel muscles I never knew existed! The up side of all this work is that where I've worked it looks beautiful! The iris are just starting to open, and they should make quite a display for the wedding. I've mulched and planted about a third of the new plants, and most of the containers have been filled. I have the rest of the plants to set in, and a lot of mulching to do.

I finally realized today that I could only do so much. If I don't get everything on my list done, that's okay. I don't want to go to the wedding worrying about what people will think of my home, but enough is enough!

By next week, I should be in great shape, but I need my bed.......NOW! I hope you all have a great week. I'll catch you later.

I was visiting at Dr. D's and saw a link to a post by Dominatrix at the Tower of Babel. She was writing about the difficulty a successful working woman has in finding a husband. She's figured out that she needs to find a self-confident man who won't be threatened by her success. Do you have a list of requirements in a mate?

When I was a kid, I expected that I would marry tall & dark, and if he was also handsome, that was a bonus. I come from a very tall family, and Dad had black hair, so my expectations came from what I knew. When I married the first time, my husband was just two inches taller than I, and his light brown hair was already disappearing. Our marriage didn't fail because he didn't meet my girlish expectations; it failed because we were unable to communicate.

So.....should I have had a grocery list of what I was shopping for in a mate? Should I have determined his fiscal responsibility, his five and ten year plans, his vocation and avocations, religion, education, family? What about his ability to speak to me of hopes and fears, his health, or his plans for children? What about sex....does he have fetishes, or is he so conservative that we will die of boredom?? Can he allow me freedom, or is he jealous or manipulative?

I think you have to whittle your list down to the items that you can't live without, because it's unlikely you will find your dream man. If you find that he has some of the "extras," so much the better. My advice to you is that you shouldn't assume a mate will compromise with you, or change to suit your wishes or needs. If you can't find the right man where you live, then expand your search area. If you are willing to move, then consider looking for a mate on-line. I know an incredible number of couples who met on-line, and I'm beginning to think the anonymity we have as we first chat may be a healthy thing. We talk about things in depth that it would take much longer to get to face to face.

When I was divorced, I swore I wouldn't marry again. It took three years before DH caught my attention, and what caught me was his sense of humor.
Who knew??? Add it to your list of essential qualities! *S*

Good morning, everyone! It's Saturday, and I'm still in the "getting ready for the wedding mode," but a comment Dr. D left under "Mates" caught my attention and I had a little more to say about choosing a mate.

When I wrote about mates, I was actually thinking that although we all have an ideal mate in mind as we start our search, we need to be open to the surprises which come our way. That was why I felt we need to know exactly what we must have in a mate, rather than what we might like to have.

We all start out with a long list of what we might like to have in a mate, and then we have to whittle that list down. As many of you pointed out, that ideal simply doesn't exist, or we are unable to find it. I think that it's necessary to understand yourself well enough that you can decide what you can't live without.

Family is an important issue to me. I would be miserable with a man who refused to attend family functions. Even when I'm unhappy with my family, I still have obligations to them, and my husband's support helps me through the tough times.

If I were starting a family, I'd want a husband who parented equally with me. I think that children need to interact with both parents, and parents need to be in agreement on how the children are raised. Like parenting styles would help, but I don't know if they are required.

I glossed over it in my last post, but similar interest in sex has to be a requirement. Can you imagine someone who will only allow the missionary position married to someone who wants to explore the world of BDSM?? *G* That's an extreme example, but frequency and style do matter. If one of you is unprepared to change, then you're in for trouble. To me, fidelity is also a must.

For some people, religion is a serious issue. Do you need to marry within your church, or could you accept someone from a different religion? Can you accept a person who doesn't believe in God? Could you change religion for your mate?

There are suprises along the way. I told you that I thought I would marry a tall, dark man. Well....I got the dark part. DH has incredible Mediterranean skin that I envy every day of the summer. But I ditched my expectations on height when I married DH. He's shorter than I am.

He surprised me in another way. I'm the partner with more education. He's the partner with more brains. I have the book learning, he has the common sense. I had expected to marry a man who had at least as much education as I have, and found that it really didn't matter.

I think when you fall in love, you have to think about what you need in your relationship, and set everything else aside. Be realistic, ruthless if need be, but whittle that list down. Open yourself to suprises and enjoy your search!

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

I was visiting JET'S Place and found a test called "What is Your Animal Personality?" (It appears that SHE got the test from Red Eagle, who got the test from -e- who got the test from???) Now, personally, I don't happen to believe that I'm a BADGER......but the choices for response were limiting in a lot of cases. If you'd like to try your hand at this, visit quizilla.

A badger! Hmpf!

Gardening. I spent five hours on my hands and knees today, weeding and planting my herb garden. When I have pictures, I'll nag Red Eagle to show me how to post some of them.

The herb garden is my special garden. My mother has had a hand in most of the other gardens, so this one is mine to design and direct. Last year I joined an on-line herb group and under their influence I dedicated a wing of the garden to lemon scented plants.

Last fall they encouraged me to store the scented geraniums bare rooted, in the garage. I planted them today, and I don't have terribly high hopes that it worked, but the attempt to revive them is interesting. If I don't see some evidence of growth by the end of June, I'll get some new plants.

So...in the lemon garden, I'm growing verbena, grass, balm, savory, thyme and scented geraniums. If I come across a lemon basil, I'll add that later. I also planted a citronella plant. I had some lemon colored marigolds left over from another section of the garden, so I tucked them in, too.

I figure I have about 75-80% of the garden done. I still have to weed part of the chat walkway, and I plan to renovate one five foot wing. The garden is almost ready for the wedding now.

Tomorrow I have to pick up weeds that have been pulled, plant the tomatoes and a shrub, three roses and a couple of buddleia bushes, and that will be the last of my gardening for the week. I've been longing to be out in the gardens all spring, and in the past week, I figure I've put in about 20 hours.

I HOPE the iris will last until Saturday! They are stunning this year.

Okay.....if you've gotten this far you know just how dull I can be.....but I sure enjoyed my day in the gardens. :-)

"The Joy of..." Have you read "The Joy of Sex"?? When that book came out, I was a modern young married woman, but I had to hold back a nervous giggle as I bought it. You couldn't order it through Amazon.com then, and it was tantamount to asking for a copy of "Penthouse" at the news stand. I was delighted to have a guide, but vaguely uneasy about it. I finally realized that the people depicted in the poses were all Hippies! Had the book featured a clean-shaven Establishment man....I would have felt right at home! lol Talk about conservative!

I picked up another book recently, Lou Paget's "How to be a GREAT LOVER." It's subtitled "Girlfriend to Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques that Will Blow His Mind." In the chapter called "Give That Man a Hand" I discovered that I had been depriving DH of a technique called "Ode to Bryan." I'm amazed he hasn't divorced me......and he never said a WORD! I wonder if he has a stash of how-to books and is relieved that I haven't left him because he's failed to perform some incredible technique from the Kama Sutra?

It's all about checks and balances. *G*

Okay.....tell me. What other books should I have read??

If you have been in, or are in, a long term relationship, have you ever hit a point where you didn't have the faintest idea what to get your significant other? I've gone from knowing what DH would enjoy to not having a clue. He's become like my Dad.......if he doesn't have it, you can't afford it. Dad wasn't a materialistic person, and neither is DH. It's terribly difficult to buy a gift that matters, and I hate to give a gift just because the day demands it.

I hate to admit it, but Martha Stewart might bail me out this time. With Father's Day coming up, she suggested using a picture frame with six openings, and filling five of the spots with pictures of his kids growing up. THe sixth spot has a message...you know.....Happy Father's Day, 2003! Or something a little more personal. If I featured pictures of his daughter this year.....and one of the boys each of the next three years, and his grandson the following year, I could stretch this out for FIVE YEARS!!! YES! Now what do I do for his birthday, and Christmas, and our anniversary???

How do you let your significant other know what you might like to have? Do you get a lot of goofy gifts? I know that there are women out there who have threatened mayhem if they receive another appliance for Mother's Day, and frankly, I don't blame them in the least! My ex-mother-in-law received a robe every Christmas, year after year. For Mother's Day, she got a bottle of perfume. I couldn't believe she didn't find a way to guide her husband in his gift giving, but now I find the same thing has happened to me. Maybe I just don't have enough "I wants."

I'm at the point in my life where more time together, or quality time, is what I really want. A long weekend trip would be lovely. A visit to the Antiques Fair, or maybe a weekend of estate sales, or visiting Salvage One would be fun. So would strolling a riverwalk, entertaining friends, or playing Spite and Malice. I don't need a mink.....or a BMW. Diamonds would be kinda nice.....but time is what I'd really like.

If you happen to see DH sailing by.....whisper in his ear.......

Today, as I was running errands I was listening to WGN on the radio. From 9:00 to noon it's presided over by two zany women, who tend to talk about really trivial things. Today, Judy was talking about a questionnaire in "Elle" Magazine about bodies.

The question posed was: If you were in a long-term relationship and you could arrange for one of you to have a GREAT body.....which of you would have the great body? They took six callers and 5 out of the 6 said they wanted the great body. The callers were both men and women. One man said he wanted his partner to have the great body.

The article said that 9 out of 10 women said THEY wanted the great body. Fewer men said they wanted the great body, about 6 out of 10.

Since women tend to be less secure about their bodies their results didn't surprise me. The physical aspects of making love have to be easier when you aren't concerned about a few extra pounds, or when you know that your lover admires how you look.

There's vanity involved in men wanting their partner to be beautiful. Think of how many men divorce in middle age and then marry a trophy wife. I wonder if that really raises a man's social standing among his peers? I was a little surprised that as many as six out of 10 men wanted the great body for themselves. Does that mean that male values concerning appearance are changing?

How would YOU vote?

Why does dirt bother women more than men?

I've probably announced forty times in the past two months that we are having a wedding. DH's only daughter, his youngest child, is getting married TOMORROW! I've known for months that we would be hosting out of town guests between the wedding and the reception, and I started my cleaning two months ago.

I typed a list three pages long, double spaced, with his, our, and my to-dos. Needless to say, two of the three pages were mine alone, and half the remaining page was things we needed to do together. I've gotten 90% of my list done, and some of the stuff we should have done together, too. I started with closets and drawers, and moved on to walls and floors. I've even spent 20 hours in the gardens during the last week, weeding and planting.

I'm down to the nasty stuff, like...lying on the floor with a scrub brush and a knife, and ammonia, and cleaning out the dirt and wax that my cleaning lady has let build up where the cabinets and the floor meet. My husband thinks I've lost my mind!

I'm looking at our house the way a visitor would look at it, and where I see dirt, THEY will see dirt. No woman in her right mind is going to let an ex-wife and her extended family visit and see dirt. After more than six years of nagging, I got DH and son to get on the island in the kitchen and take down the cover of the flourescent light so I could clean it. It took them 10 minutes or less......and I've been asking them to do it for SIX YEARS!

I've ruthlessly taken advantange of the fact that this is HIS DAUGHTER'S WEDDING, to get lots of things done that have been ignored. There are still things that need to be done, and I've run out of time. The garage is going to be locked, and the key will be lost, because it hasn't been cleaned!

Just why do guys think cleanliness is so darned unimportant?? We've washed windows and floors and table cloths and cabinet fronts. The lampshades still need to be vacuumed, I need to wipe off the stained glass lamp in the kitchen. DH is looking at me like I've gone off the deep end. He's willingly retreated to the lawn mower, hoping to keep out of my way.

I actually believe that I have been reasonable about all this. I haven't snarled at anyone, and I haven't withheld sex. No one has been unduly burdened, or asked to do more than I am doing, so what's the big deal? I allowed myself to be pursuaded not to buy new carpeting before the wedding. And when I didn't find a chair I liked to replace the worn one in the family room, I didn't have a tantrum. Why does all the NECESSARY preparation make me such an ogre?

I think men need to get more in touch with cleanliness, and maybe less in touch with their BOATS!!! After all.....cleanliness is next to godliness.

Here ends the rant for the day. I'm going to finish up the last of my chores and get ready to have a good time at the wedding. Have a great weekend, everyone!