Arrrgh!!!

Good morning, everyone! It's Saturday, and I'm still in the "getting ready for the wedding mode," but a comment Dr. D left under "Mates" caught my attention and I had a little more to say about choosing a mate.

When I wrote about mates, I was actually thinking that although we all have an ideal mate in mind as we start our search, we need to be open to the surprises which come our way. That was why I felt we need to know exactly what we must have in a mate, rather than what we might like to have.

We all start out with a long list of what we might like to have in a mate, and then we have to whittle that list down. As many of you pointed out, that ideal simply doesn't exist, or we are unable to find it. I think that it's necessary to understand yourself well enough that you can decide what you can't live without.

Family is an important issue to me. I would be miserable with a man who refused to attend family functions. Even when I'm unhappy with my family, I still have obligations to them, and my husband's support helps me through the tough times.

If I were starting a family, I'd want a husband who parented equally with me. I think that children need to interact with both parents, and parents need to be in agreement on how the children are raised. Like parenting styles would help, but I don't know if they are required.

I glossed over it in my last post, but similar interest in sex has to be a requirement. Can you imagine someone who will only allow the missionary position married to someone who wants to explore the world of BDSM?? *G* That's an extreme example, but frequency and style do matter. If one of you is unprepared to change, then you're in for trouble. To me, fidelity is also a must.

For some people, religion is a serious issue. Do you need to marry within your church, or could you accept someone from a different religion? Can you accept a person who doesn't believe in God? Could you change religion for your mate?

There are suprises along the way. I told you that I thought I would marry a tall, dark man. Well....I got the dark part. DH has incredible Mediterranean skin that I envy every day of the summer. But I ditched my expectations on height when I married DH. He's shorter than I am.

He surprised me in another way. I'm the partner with more education. He's the partner with more brains. I have the book learning, he has the common sense. I had expected to marry a man who had at least as much education as I have, and found that it really didn't matter.

I think when you fall in love, you have to think about what you need in your relationship, and set everything else aside. Be realistic, ruthless if need be, but whittle that list down. Open yourself to suprises and enjoy your search!