It's been a really long day, and I'm just about at the end of it. I had my nose to the grindstone in the office and have very little to show for it. The most irritating part of the day was waiting for people to return my calls so that I could get my work done.
By 1:00, I was working myself into a tizzy, and realized I needed a break, or I would make my family miserable, so I turned to my computer and browsed blogs.
Dr. D had written about ghosts, and it made me think of Dad. When I was younger, I believed that if ghosts couldn't be proven scientifically, they didn't exist. But I've had a change of heart. Now, I believe that there are worlds out there just beyond our consciousness, waiting for us to wake up and find them.
My Dad died 20 years and 9 days ago. I still miss him, although I no longer think of him every day. Perhaps it is the time of year that's made me think of him recently.
My Dad was one of those fathers who are perfect in the eyes of their daughters. He was my rock. I could always count on him to be there for me, whether I was right or wrong. He would have supported me if I was right, and gently guided me if I was wrong, but he would have been by my side. I have three sisters, and each one of us is confident that "Dad loved ME the most!"
Dad had five major heart attacks, and a host of smaller ones he never knew he had. He hated doctors and chose not to go for help unless it was an emergency. He had an aortic aneurysm, and we lost him 10 days after it burst. The night he died tornadoes swept through Springfield. The entire world was in disarray. Horrible storms followed the tornadoes. On our way home, I had to pull off the road and park under the canopy of a bank drive-through to get out of a hail storm. The weather seemed totally fitting to me. After all, I was mourning the loss of my Dad. Why shouldn't the world mourn too?
The next week was horrible. There were wakes in two states before my Dad was finally laid to rest. I though it would go on forever when I just wanted to be alone. It was then that I realized Dad was there. At first, I thought I might catch him if I turned to my right fast enough. It seemed he was standing just behind me, keeping an eye on things and reassuring me. Finally, I stopped trying to trip him up, and just accepted the comfort it brought me that he was near. It felt rather like he was standing beside me with his arm around my shoulders helping me through all that needed to be done.
I never talked with him. I didn't see him. But, I know he was there. He was with me for five or six weeks, and then one day I realized he was gone. I kinda think he needed to stay to be sure that Mother was cared for, and that we were taking care of things.
Are there ghosts? I don't know. Was my father with me? Yes. You have to decide for yourself what you believe.
One more thing..... My father was an exceptional man. I hope I'll see him again one day. Dad......I love you.
Comments (5)
That is wonderful... so good he could be there for you. :)
Posted by Desiree | May 10, 2003 1:10 AM
Posted on May 10, 2003 01:10
Why are you trying to <a href="http://www.madbull4.net/weblog/archives/000876.html#000876">make me cry?</a> Actually, I didn't feel like my Dad was right beside me after he died, but I am not the sort to sense that kind of thing. But I know he can hear me, and I speak to him all the time. I miss my Dad too...
Posted by Mad Bull | May 11, 2003 12:32 AM
Posted on May 11, 2003 00:32
AWwwwww, MB....I didn't mean to make you cry. I wasn't one to sense that kind of thing either, but the experience sure changed my mind. I had a lot of quiet time during those weeks, so maybe that played a part in it. I HOPE my Dad can hear me.
Posted by Buffy | May 11, 2003 12:38 AM
Posted on May 11, 2003 00:38
I still have both my parents Thank God, but the experience I have had with "Ghost" is with my daughter. She talks to my Grandpa who was the first one in my life to ever call a nick name that seems to stick "Queen Bee"...*S*.....when something is bothering me, my daughter will come in and tell me that Grandpa said last night when he kissed me good nite to tell you this.....talk about chills crawling one's spine. My Grandpa died in 1984 Ms. Prissy Princess was born in 1999. And she calls my Grandpa by his given name to date and points to him a picture....and being so close to the vest about emotions I don't discuss my Grandpa and NEVER by his given name!!! Are the one's who have passed on still with us, if you would have asked me before Ms. Prissy I would have laughed at you, but now for many different reasons, yes they are VERY much with us ~ unfortantelly we don't hear or see them like we wish we could.......
Posted by Jamie | May 11, 2003 2:45 AM
Posted on May 11, 2003 02:45
Jamie....I think it's episodes just like that that make some of us believers. I think I would have made notes about what she said, so that you don't loose anything. Perhaps when she is older, you can talk with her about it.
Posted by Buffy | May 11, 2003 5:07 PM
Posted on May 11, 2003 17:07