why would you?

I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, “Well, hey, we don’t have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?” I remember when I was a kid I’d always ask my mom: “Why don’t we have a Kid’s Day? We have a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, but why don’t we have a Kid’s Day?” My mom would always say, “Every day is Kid’s Day.” To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can’t you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?
~Rob Nash

I’ve seen and heard it said, especially lately, why we feel the ‘need’ to be so vocal about who and what we are. For example, the bumper stickers on my van, the quotes on my site, and the fact we feel the need to ‘announce’ it to everyone.
If we could just ‘live and let live’ ‘be who we are’ and the like, we wouldn’t have discrimination, we wouldn’t have people voting to keep us ‘separate’ from them, if it wasn’t an issue then it wouldn’t BE an issue, no one would have to worry about gay marriage rights, or getting fired from a job because you’re gay, because it wouldn’t be an issue.
No, you don’t have to tell everyone you’re straight. Hell, if I didn’t say anything most people from looking at me would probably assume I was!! I can’t tell you how many times I get hit on at work, sometimes even after they know! :lol That is why I do the things I do, I’m not ashamed to be who I am. and btw, I have seen a lot of bumper stickers allude to people being straight for that matter.
In my mind, I guess what it boils down to is this…we want to be visible, we want people to know we’re here and we’re not going away, and if you look at us, get to know us, then perhaps you’ll see we’re really not that different from you! Perhaps someday, people won’t think anything more about seeing two women kissing than they think about seeing a man and woman kissing. Maybe someday they’ll just take it for what it is, two people who care about each other and want to show that.
Enjoy the other quotes I found below…


No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step. ~Author Unknown
Straight Americans need… an education of the heart and soul. They must understand – to begin with – how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul. ~Bruce Bawer, The Advocate, 28 April 1998
What are you trying to protect heterosexual marriages from? There isn’t a limited amount of love in Iowa. It isn’t a non-renewable resource. If Amy and Barbara or Mike and Steve love each other, it doesn’t mean that John and Mary can’t. ~Ed Fallon

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9 Replies to “why would you?”

  1. You made some valid points, so I got to thinking about what it is that irritates me about “advertising” (for lack of a better word). I guess it only irritates me because, at least as far as I’m concerned, there is equality, but then when I truly stop and think about it, the equality only exists in my mind and of open minded individuals. It doesn’t exist for you governmentally, and that’s too bad. I fail to see how a gay marriage can affect MY marriage in the least or how it cheapens it in any way. Until people stop feeling threatened by diversity, I guess your points are valid. However, I think far more is achieved through quiet dignity rather than “in your face tactics” but I’ve never been very good at the whole “quiet dignity” thing,regadless of the fact that it might behoove me. Either way you look at it, hubby wants me to remind you that HE thinks chick on chick action is HOT!
    Ah well…
    I appreciate the way you approached my comment and I hope it was received the way it was meant. I also hope that you and J can forgive. Think about it this way…. if you didn’t care about eachother, it wouldn’t matter to you what the other one says or does. =p

  2. Oh good lord what a bunch of drama…my question is if she was so concerned about T and her actions why did she have to “sling shit” about her on a public blog instead of just telling T her concerns. It’s done nothing but stirred up a huge cat fight and put everyone’s long nose into business that isn’t there own and who are completely ignorant to the situation. It’s none of your buisness how she participates in her children’s lives…get over it.
    And who the hell is Kristi? Is she part of the Bitchy Posse? I swear to god people GROW UP!!!

  3. As a matter of fact, I’d have to say I’m an officer and card carrying member of the Bitchy Posse. That doesn’t insult me one bit. Personally, I think the PP thing is hysterical… I damn near choked when my friend Jan told me that’s what her friends call themselves. They also refer to her car as the “Lesbian Limo”… priceless.
    I didn’t really think either one of them had slung shit anywhere. You’re right, it isn’t anyone’s business how she participates in her children’s lives. It really doesn’t matter to me. But when you post things on a public blog I think it’s common knowledge that you’re going to get comments about whatever you write… that’s sort of the reason for the comment section. Also, there have been times when J and I have taken issue with eachother and T commented on MY blog, reading me the riot act. I’m not saying she simply commented… she chewed my ass OUT. I didn’t get MAD at her for expressing her opinion… especially once SHE pointed out that if I didn’t want to hear her opinion of the situation, I shouldn’t have wrote about it on my blog. pretty clear cut if you ask me.
    There have been plenty of times that J, T or any one of a host of people have commented on my blog about situations going on IRL and the comments stir up crap or hurt your feelings. It wasn’t meant to be shitty… it’s just an opinion.
    And Kristi is… me. I’ve gone through SOME of the things that T is having to deal with. It’s painful, confusing, and sometimes downright maddening but I survived it and so will she. I can tell you that nothing in my life prepared me for the pain of living without my children, albeit for only 3 months. NOTHING in the world will ever be worth being seperated from them.
    As far as your comment, “Grow Up”… hmmmm, exactly what is it that you think is immature about the situation? Is it the argument between T and J? Is it the comments that have been made? Or just the name? Personally, I think that everyone is showing a restraint when it comes to commenting about this situation. J didn’t use a single name on her post. T didn’t either. They both were upset and wrote about their feelings on a public blog. If I’m not mistaken, I’ve read your blog a few times and you’ve written about arguments with your gf. Isn’t that what a blog is for? To write about the things that are on your mind? I find that if I’m upset about something, it’s quite cathartic to write about it, regardless of how immature someone might think it is. That’s just life.
    Lastly, you mention that people are putting “there” nose into business that isn’t their own. Technically, you’re doing exactly the same thing. T and J are really the only two who know what was said and done. T stated that her friends have been telling her for a long time that this person isn’t being a friend to her. That would mean that the “friends” are sticking THEIR nose isn’t a situation. What comes ’round, goes around.

  4. Heh, heh… femme invisibility. I don’t need to shout “I’m gay.” However, from time to time, I do feel the need to wear a t-shirt that says “just because I’m gay, doesn’t mean I’ll eat you…” [Which can have several possible meanings…take your pick.]

  5. T… I spent some time talking to J this afternoon. In doing so, I remembered a time (5-14-03) when you read a post on Craig’s blog where he mentioned finding out that he could SUE J for the false document she wrote for Laura, knowing it was a document that she was putting before the court in a custody case. You came unHINGED and started talking about what awful parents we are, and that you KNOW that a judge would want to hear what you know about me (ref medication that is prescribed to me by a dr and how it made me sleep alot). You did that in defense of J. You also took pot shots at my parenting skills and values. You took things about us that you had been told by other people (even though you already knew that the document was a total LIE) and it was all because you read his blog. You also mention how you feel about being with your kids and how I must not appreciate mine (in a differnt set of email from our list). I’m telling J the same thing I’m telling you… and at this point, your friends. If you’re going to throw stones…

  6. that’s true Kristi, I did say those things…and I probably shouldn’t have, as everything I knew about the entire situation was told to me by the person you were talking to this afternoon…kind of the same situation you’re in now if you think about it…

  7. T – I’m sorry you are going through this “stuff” (for lack of a more appropriate word) during what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life – planning your wedding. I certainly hope that none of this is going to take a toll on your emotional well-being. :'( Stress sucks – especially when one feels that they are being bantered by people that you trust(ed). Anyway- I’m obviously not trying to get into a bunch of drama – but I did feel that it was important to let you know that you obviously have people on your side that love you and care for you a great deal. I REALLY hope you have been able to enjoy this piece of your life. We all know that it’s only a matter of time before you get your babies back with you – WHERE THEY BELONG. Smooches girl!!

  8. Just saw your “How dare you presume I’m heterosexual!” comment, and it made me wonder…and this is a serious question…does it ever piss you off to be lumped in with the whole “LGBT” category?

  9. Fair enough T. I’ll take it and leave it at that. I had planned to do that yesterday until I got to thinking about it. Regardless how similar the situations are, I DO recognize that no one knows absolutely how anyone else feels in any given situation. I guess I also wanted to point out that many things get said in the heat of the battle. You and J have had many a row through the years, but ultimately you’ve always stood by eachother. Things are sooo emotional for you right now because of the things that you’re dealing with and the same can be said for her. I have not always been a friend to her because for many years I didn’t really trust people after getting burned, and because I knew how close you were to her I sort of lumped you into the same category and that wasn’t fair… to either of you. I like to think that I’m open-minded about most things, but quite often, especially during situations or discussions such as this, I find that I need to step back and take a look at myself. I hope that the two of you do, too. You’ve both said and done things that hurt the other one. I know you feel that she is jealous that she doesn’t have you to herself, but jealousy implies that she doesn’t want you to be happy… and she does. She really does, whether her actions show you that or not. Whether I’m right or wrong, my belief is that she’s hoping to derail what she sees as your boys being hurt. I’m not sure if you’re more angry at her talking to the ex (no one would WANT to talk to MY ex) or about the kids… I can only tell you how I felt when her and Laura waylayed me for leaving my kids here in Tx for 3 months. It crushed me… not only because it was being said, but because I was having a hard time reconciling leaving them there, even though I KNEW that I only had to do it for 3 months. Is it at all possible that it’s something LIKE that? You’ve always been pretty good at saying exactly what it is you’re mad at, so I’m thinking it probably isn’t, but just keep that in mind when you’re trying to sort all of this out.
    It’s all rather ironic. I deleted my whole blog not too long ago because I read the archives and got sick of seeing the pity party I was throwing for myself. I’ve been blogging again for only about two weeks and now y’all are having to deal with this.
    I’ll be pulling for both of you…

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