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I was going to write the other day about another court case…I’ve also been going to write about various things going on at work (sometimes you wouldn’t believe the people that come in on 3rd shift in a motel) but my heart is really not in either one of those posts.
I was looking for something to describe what I had witnessed last week, and instead I came across this
this person, whoever they are, is writing about my past..whether they know it or not!
there would be times i dearly wished he would just hit me, then i would have had a tangible thing, something i could show them and say ‘this is what he’s doing’ but he didn’t, all the marks he left are inside.
and now he’s trying to do it to my kids.
so how do i know this you might ask…well for one i saw it, and called him on it….he had no idea what i was talking about.
the boys wanted to come over to my house, i was there and said ‘OK, go get your shoes on’
he acted like he was totally pissed off and then proceeded to say that he would not be home for a while ‘if they changed their minds’ (first anyone had said about it) they were upset about this, and about the fact that they didn’t know what they had done to ‘make daddy mad’
so i asked him ‘do you act like this every time they want to come to my house?’ he said ‘what, I’m not acting like anything, its not my fault they don’t want to come over to your house’ meaning its my fault.
so tell me, why do my kids cry when I drop them off? why do they say things like ‘I guess I’ll stay with daddy’? why do they get so upset if they think their dad is going somewhere without them (my oldest has said that “I know if brothers come over and I stay I’ll get to do something fun”)
they already know at such young ages, what will happen if things don’t go his way…
it’s easier to give in than live with him when hes upset, so you avoid upsetting him at all cost.
I learned that to, long ago….
I’ve put some questions for determining if you are emotionally abused in the extended entry, please keep in mind that I DID wise up and this man is no longer my partner! when i was married to him I could answer yes to every one of these questions…
that is NOT the case anymore, I have a wonderful partner now, one that I ask every day what I ever did to deserve to have someone treat me so wonderfully, and am thankful for whatever it was…
Some More Links for You
I updated these on 4/23/14 because it was brought to my attention the ones I had here no longer worked…I did not think someone would find this 12 years later and even care, so I am updating it in case it can help someone else…Are you emotionally abused?

Take a moment to consider these questions. Your partner might have behaved as though these things were OK, even though it’s obvious that they aren’t okay…:
Do you feel that you can’t discuss with your partner what is bothering you?
Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?
Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?
Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?
Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?
Has your partner ever stolen from you? Or run up debts for you to handle?
Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?
Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?
Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?
Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?
Are you afraid of your partner?

6 Replies to “by any other name…”

  1. what a fantastic post. i was there once..luckily i got out of the situation fast enough before i got bogged down in it. (first girlfriend.) just months…i still got beaten round the head for leaving. brilliant….makes me think of something to post later.

  2. Well I guess it’s a sad testament to the “times” when this many people have experienced emotional abuse. My ex husband did it for 14 years, and looking back, he did it even before we were married. I’m glad that you’ve found someone that loves you for YOU, and only wants you to be happy. That’s what a REAL partner does, not someone who just SAYS they love you when they want or are having sex.

  3. Ouch – well that does hit home, doesn’t it. I grew up this way. J and I were actually talking about it just the other night, there are (of course )things I’m still really neurotic about for no understandable reason (unless you were in my house growing up) and I had to explain that no, my Mother didn’t just “get” that way when her mind started to go – that was the “normal” part of her.
    I think that what worries me most is that reading your post some part of me actually felt that kind of behavior was normal… definately not a good thing.
    {{{{{ Red }}}}}

  4. My almost 11 years with the ex was mostly contolling, he still tries to control me in not sending me my child support.. knowing I need it.. he gets upset saying I don’t “need” him anymore for anything. Hmm.. I did need him to just love me, not control me right? I hope to one day find a love like you have now 🙂 ((Hugs))

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