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Working nights on a rainy non-holiday weekend often gives one way to much time to think…expecially when everything is balanced and I’m not (accidentally) deleting the check-inn program!
I’ve been very frustrated this last month, between issues with the new system at work, a co-workers house burning down, renovation (also at work) being pulled in 10 different directions at once by family and friends and wondering when the other shoe will drop in matters I’d rather not post about, it’s no wonder I want to run away! (needless to say to the one thing in my life that is going absolutely wonderfully :smile) but I digress…
I have let some issues get to me a little to much, things I would have, under normal circumstances overlooked, have upset me more than I should have let them, and stuff I would have normally played “devils advocate” on and tried to get others to see things in a different light, I’ve instead gotten right in the middle of, even though I’m not certain how it all got started to begin with.
Anyway…tonights thought’s…
I’ve always been one that believed we are each responsible for our own happiness (and still believe that no one but you can make you happy, it just depends how you go about doing it) and if you’re miserable, well it’s your own damn fault (meaning don’t go blaming your parents, partner, spouse, etc…if you’re unhappy there, leave dammit) however, recent events have been showing me this may be an overly simplistic view…
When I was married I was miserable, yet I stayed, due to reasons again I’d rather not post in such a public forum, those that need to know, know why I did…
but here lately, I’ve been the same way for different reasons, but the outcome is the same, this time however, there is nothing I can do about it! (do you get the impression I’m not a really patient person? :lol)
I know it will pass, I even know what the outcome will be when it does, however that is doing nothing for my frustration level at the current time!!
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this thought…(heck maybe I just felt the need to post something besides asinine test results!)
so lets take a poll, of the 9 or so readers I might have left (2 of which might make it this far into this ramble) are we each “master of our own feelings” or possibly do outside influences and circumstances have more to do with it than possibly we would like to admit?
cause I’m just not sure anymore…

By RES

6 Replies to “masters of fate?”

  1. Oh boy, T… I can see that you’re in much the same mood as me. I remember the feelings of just wanting to be “somewhere else” even though I knew exactly where that somewhere else was. It’s only been a month since our custody battle ended and it appears that Laura has decided to resort to “dirty pool”… making accusations and such. I feel so angry right now, yet I have nowhere that I can direct it. Though we’re dealing with different circumstances, I think we’re in the same place emotionally. Like you, I believe that we are in charge of our own happiness and yes,… the goal is to remove outside factors that negatively influence your “space”. That isn’t always as easy as the thought process goes. There are SOME circumstances where you cannot remove that negative factor because you are forever connected by three beautiful little boys (which I might add is ANOTHER thing that’s going well for you!) I’ve heard, first hand, you talk about those boys and I can hear the absolute adoration for them in your voice. You’re doing the right thing. You’re doing what’s right for you, and in the long run… that’s what’s good for the boys. You’re not trying to remove that factor from THEIR lives, but you are trying to create an overall positive atmosphere for them, and I know, without a doubt that you and “L” will be wonderful parents. To the boys and to any other little entity that might enter your life. In other words… you’re on the right track. Just try not to let it all get to you. It is a monumental task… I’ve been there, Contemplating the move and all that it entails, plus a custody issue. I did that twice… once with Marshall and once with Laura. I still have days ( like now) where I just want to crawl under the covers and pretend that nothing else exists. Hang in there. You’re not alone. Unfortunately, “J” is not going to go away. Just try not to let him run you over. You’re doing a great job!!!! And whatever anyone, myself included, has said to upset you, please know that I would never do anything intentionaly to hurt you. Love ya!

  2. are we master of our feelings ~ I believe so as well as our actions and what we say and/or imply to others, and I also believe that outside influences play a larger part than we want to admit in how we handle certain situations, people, and relationships (no matter what type of relationship). I also believe that when sress factors are high, from “other” influences and/or circumstances, it keeps our frustration level high and we tend to lash at other’s who may have hurt us in the past, or someone just happens to be at the right place at the right time and say the wrong thing and boom a lashing post of “all” your frutrations. But between friends we understand that and accept the actions as best we can and move past it. I’ve lashed out at you a few times and you me, but here we are still friends and stronger for it, however, it does not make the frustration go away, but it does feel good to air it even if it is the wrong person. You have brought a good point and one to ponder on as usual *S*. Makes me look at a current situation different now.

  3. In my opinion, we are only partially in charge of our own happiness. I say this because our family, friends, co-workers etc. do impact on our lives, and hence, our state of well being. There are few of us who can live life wholly and solely for ourselves. Such persons would be lacking a conscience the way I see it, if you did everything in life simply to please yourself at all times. Selfish may be another way to put it.
    Often times in life, we find ourselves in situations that we may not feel totally comfortable with ourselves, but because of others we may choose a particular way of dealing with the situation. In some cases, we may even know what the right and logical way to solve a problem is, but because of other people or circumstances, we may endure unhappiness ourselves so that others (such as children for example) do not end up getting hurt.
    So having said all of this, I feel that we really are not fully in charge of our own happiness, life and its situations definitely impinge on the way we feel and act. But, if you find yourself in a situation where your sanity is truly compromised, think logically so that you can take the path of action that is best for all concerned. Bear in mind that sometimes, it may be necessary to act in a way that one may not wish to in order to preserve the self. Hope I have not managed to confuse anyone. And, I know full well that when confronted with situations, it can be damn hard to act logically when emotions come into play. Hope that we can all find happiness in this rather busy mixed up world we find ourselves living in these days!

  4. {{{{{{ T }}}}}}
    DAMN, now I knew you & I were thinkers along the same brainwave, but this was just downright scary to read after what I wrote about for the newsletter … were you sending me telepathic messages over the phone last night?! *LOL*

  5. I think we are the master of MOST of our thoughts and feelings HOWEVER outside influences do have a huge impact on it. It’s hard to be all happy sunshine if life deals you only lemons. BUT – you have to remind yourself to keep your chin up and to keep trying, otherwise you’ll really find yourself in the dump.

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