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gOdOfMiScHiEf had a really interesting topic while I was surfing my reads this morning (more on why I’m up at this ungodly hour later)
basically (I think) hes asking ‘can men and women be friends?’
in my previous single days (before I was married) I had mostly male friends. these were just friends, nothing romantic about them. when I made the mistake of getting married all of that ended. for no known reason except “a married woman shouldn’t do that” I was no longer allowed to speak to another guy who was not a family member much less have one as a friend…lmao..I’m sure if he knew then what he knows now he wouldn’t have worried about me talking to any guy! (women would have been another matter entirely however)
I’m sure most of this topic has to do with trust, do you trust the person you’re with enough to allow them the freedom to be friends with whatever sex they are attracted to sexually? (or for my response this is how I’m going to take said topic)
I would have to say that depends on the people involved..from the comments I see whoever was the inspiration for this has allot of friends (of the sex she is attracted to) and an ex who cheated on her..this I have a problem with, not only the ‘whats good for the goose is not good for the gander’ aspect but making someone else pay for a crime that is not theirs to pay for.
if you trust your partner, it shouldn’t matter who their friends are…this goes if you are bi, gay or straight..if you don’t..well why are you with them? and also if you don’t is it really their fault or someone else’s?
let me close with this, I trust my partner impeccably, and I believe she does me also, if we have a problem with a friend of the others we talk about it..that is the key to a good relationship.
do I trust my ex? no, never did, and obviously he never did me either (based on history) and we see how that ended
I think its just a matter of trust, and communication..and whether you know how to do both..

By RES

5 Replies to “just friends”

  1. Good answer & I’m really sorry how yours ended up. It’s really sad when I hear stuff like that. A marriage should be a partnership, not “acquiring a possession” (which is the way it sounds in your case).
    I took the question from a male hetero angle, but yes, it’s definitely a question that hits all relationships… I have friends that get “too possessive & jealous” with a partner & ends up losing them as well.
    Thanks…

  4. The pain of being hurt when a trust is broken is one of the most heartstabbing emotions around, since it also comes with feeling of betrayal and being made a fool, so I think it’s so much easier for a person with a weak soul to just take the easy path and never trust again. It’s hard to tell yourself, “OK, it happened, but I will trust once more.” But for life and relationships to continue it has to be done.
    Can women and men be just friends? I can’t recall the name of the movie I saw but this conversation came up and the man was saying no…every man has an underlying objective to get into the girls pants. I think woman can be friends with men just to be friends, but not the other way around. I think in the gay community this can get tricky…lol, since your dealing with women as friends only…but who might be secretly wanting to get into your pants too! lol Guess that brings us back to the question of trust.
    Sorry, didn’t mean to write a book, but this was the most interesting topic I’ve ran across this morning. :o)

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