Elegante Mother: January 2010 Archives

Bogie wrote:
"We have friends that are going thru this very thing. They have to prepay anything that their mother might use (such as the funeral / burial plot and storage units - she has a lot of stuff that she refuses to get rid of). Also WS's family went thru this several years ago (gosh, has it really been like 10 years ago?) Medicare won't kick in until everthing that EM has has been spent, so there will be nothing left for funerals and what not if they aren't pre-paid. It's not a pleasant thought, trying to get everything taken care of beforehand, but it is neccessary in order to spare everyone later down the road. "

Bogie took a moment to respond to my comments about the need to step up to the plate and take care of things for my mother, and I wanted to share my answer to her.

Bogie, for the past year it's been really tough. I've worried that I was missing things that needed to be done, or that I was handling things incorrectly. Most of us don't know the legal issues involved in taking over responsibility for our parent's assets.

I have to tell you that I feel incredibly better having talked to the lawyer. The CPA has also given me pertinent information. I think that once I have followed through on the information, I will be able to set my worries aside, and just enjoy the time I have with Elegante Mother.

And shouldn't that be the way it is? I want to stop worrying, and just enjoy the time we have left.

Most of you who have come to read know that Elegante Mother is developing dementia. I'm at the point where I have to begin a series of tasks that I'd like to stave off.

Tuesday, My-Sister-The-Nurse, our brother, and I will be visiting the lawyer to discuss the subject of elder law in relation to Elegante Mother. Should EM outlive her liquid assets, we have to know what steps are necessary to ask Medicaid to take over her care. EM is presently living in a senior retirement village with 24/7 care.

Unfortunately, I think it's also time to speak with funeral home personnel to determine what we need to do to set up funeral plans. We have been advised by a number of people that we have to have these plans and funding in place before we speak to Medicaid.

EM's demise is not imminent. I think she may be with us for some time to come, and that's why I have encouraged my siblings to gather the information we will likely need. I think we need to give her assets and her care the same diligence we would give our own.

It's very difficult to be thinking about these subjects in relationship to my mother. It's very difficult to be pragmatic when in my mind I'm thinking, "I can see you in there, come out and play!" I see the flash of intelligence, the quirk of humor, the raised eyebrow that was so EM, every now and then, but soon, even those brief glimpses will go. And it's best that we be prepared.

I'm just coasting through the work that needs to be done in January to make us ready for tax period. I am responsible for Elegante Mother's finances, and we will be doing W2s for household help (read: caregivers) for the first time. I've had to apply for an EIN and we will be doing quarterly reports. It keeps me busy.

I spent several hours on Saturday printing out letters to catalogs and charities, instructing them to remove EM from their mailing lists. I've sent about 35 of those letters now. Sunday, I entered debit card purchases, and deposits to the Quicken program for EM, and then printed out two reports to get an idea of what was spent, and how we spent it in 2009. I'm sure that I didn't understand just how much work there would be when I agreed to take on the power of attorney for her.

Tomorrow, the CPA will visit, and we will work on all the documents that need to be sent before the end of the month. I've already organized banking and investment information, and I have most of the other data needed for both our personal taxes, and EMs. It's a relief to know that I'm ahead of the game.

I plan to visit Elegante Mother on Wednesday, taking groceries. I'll suggest that the caregiver take a little time to herself while I visit with EM. I don't envy the caregiver her job; it's difficult at best.

Thursday......I can hardly wait! I plan to get reacquainted with my sewing machine and finish the seams in two small projects that have been on the design board for months! YES! I love finishing up projects.

The spate of cold weather is breaking. We are expecting warmer weather (above freezing) toward the end of the week. I'll be happy to have the chance to break up the ice on the front sidewalk before the next storms find their way in.

Happy New Year to you all!