September 2010 Archives

Elegante Mother was active in the Empty Nesters group of her church. We hosted the sewing ladies meeting at our home once a month, and I got to know the ladies as I helped with desserts and an occasional project. This year I became friends with a new member to the Empty Nesters and when I found out that she quilted, I invited her for a quilting day.

Mary lives half the year here with one son, and half the year in Texas with another son. She has been very active in a charity quilt program in Dallas. As we pieced and chatted, it was decided that we would try to get our Empty Nester group to participate in one of these programs. We began putting together kits for small quilt tops, and chose meeting dates for September and October.

Today was the big day, the first meeting for this new activity. We had been working for about six weeks, cutting fabrics and trying to make the best use of scraps that had been given to us. I had five kits ready to start sewing and two or three more on the design board. Mary had made some kits up, too.

I got up early, did dishes, cleaned, shopped for raspberries, green grapes, strawberries and blueberries for a fruit salad at lunch, and swept the front sidewalk. At 10:00, Mary arrived, and shortly after that just one more member came up the drive. I have no idea where everyone else was.

The situation gave me the chance to work one on one with a woman who had never pieced quilts. Hildy is an experienced seamstress, but she had never worked on quilts before. She chose a kit of squares that will make a three dimensional pinwheel quilt. I showed her how to press the squares into the right sized triangle, and then how to assemble the blocks. I was able to talk to her about the need for a consistent quarter-inch seam, and show her tricks to make it easier to get the seam allowance right. She seemed happy as a clam to take the kit home with her to work on this month!

So, perhaps this was a really good thing. Not all of the ladies are quilters, so I may learn from today and type up a page with a few tips that will help. I hope in the future we will be able to give them fabric and a pattern and get them started, but I think for now, I'll need to do the cutting to create the kits.

It will be good to have the sweatshop up and running and the ladies visiting here again. I've missed them.

Thursday, two of my sisters and I met to box up the small items in Elegante Mother's condo. Who would have believed that we shoehorned that much into a one bedroom unit!? The kitchen and the closet took the most work.

I spent most of my time taping up boxes. We went through 25 small moving boxes and two rolls of tape. I brought six or seven of those boxes home with me. One held kitchen stuff, and the rest is a blend of things returned to us, and things for my youngest sister, who was teaching and could not be there.

The movers will arrive on Monday about 8:30 and the condo will be cleaned out. There are boxes of things to go to Goodwill, otherwise, most of Em's furniture will be disbursed throughout the family.

You'd think that would be the end of it, but eventually I will also have to divide up those things of EM's that are still in my house. I have her dining set, the china that was given to EM and Dad as a wedding gift from Dad's sister, and assorted collections of owls, angels, canes and birds. I also have her Christmas ornaments.

So, one day, I'm going to invite my family to visit and let them come and choose the memento they wish to have to remember Mom/Gram by.

The physical work on Thursday wasn't so terribly hard, but handling all the things that had been so important to Mother was. I've kept two items of clothing, a red jacket, and a Halloween sweatshirt that one of her granddaughter's made for her. There are also photographs, and a painting. It's hard to see and touch these things, to be closing up her nest, and realize that I can't turn and talk to her now. I was very fortunate to have EM with me for so many years.

I'm such a sloth! lol I meant to post on Wednesday, and download a picture, and this seems to be the best I can do for right now,

Wednesday, Dearest Husband and I celebrated twenty years of wedded bliss (and mortar dust). We've actually been a two-some for about twenty-six years, but we formalized it twenty years ago. I was astonished to realize we had been together that long and mentioned it to DH's daughter, just as conversation, not to promote anything. She immediately wanted to know if we were celebrating. No......we chose to have a quiet dinner out, just the two of us. We'll save the big celebration for when we hit the twenty-five year mark.

The picture? Well DH brought me two dozen long-stemmed red roses. He said twenty of them were for our years together and four were "just cuz." I'll have to download the pictures I took, and see if I can remember how to post one here.

It's been a very good twenty years! Thank you, DH!

I suppose that in the process of hugging what seemed to be a thousand people, I must have caught something. I'm not doing too badly, but every so often my sinuses overflow, and I need to cough. I'm Sooooooooo glad it's not a full time affliction or I'd be unbearable. Luckily for those around me, I'm hanging in there, and hoping for the best.

I've been watching the season opener of NCIS Los Angeles, but I think bed might be a better choice, especially since I'll miss all the Cialis commercials and the discussion of erectile dis-function. I don't think all this openness on TV is necessarily such a good thing.

I've been writing thank you notes today. I have one more to write tomorrow morning, and I need to plan meals for Thursday and Friday so that I can do some grocery shopping. My sister was talking about home made French fries over at Facebook. I haven't made those in easily two decades. Don't you love comfort food?? I may have to build a meal around them.

Sleep well, and I'll catch up with you tomorrow!

I made a trip to the funeral home yesterday to pick up things that had been left in their care. Most of the flowers went to the cemetery, but there were six arrangements waiting for me. The only bouquet that was white was a beautiful low mass of white flowers in a round bowl that must be about eight inches high.

The flowers are packed densely, and are all about the same height. It's rather like an over-sized tussy-mussy. There are creamy white roses, chrysanthemums that look like Fuji mums, snapdragons, white asters, hydrangea, alstromeria and the pale leaves and flower heads of eucalyptus. It's incredibly elegant, and I would never have thought to blend these particular flowers. It's impact was even greater because it was surrounded by huge bouquets in a range of Fall colors. We chose dark red and golden sunflowers, bronze mums and flowers that reminded us all of the height of the change of color, accented with red roses and blue delphinium. I think we have pictures of the flowers, and I'll try to post them.

I was not looking forward to bringing the bouquets home, but they are providing a little grace as we settle in to the idea that EM is gone. EM would have loved them all.

My mother passed away on Thursday evening at 11:00. We were fortunate to have had a visit on Wednesday evening when she was unusually alert. My brother and two of my sisters and I gathered with Elegante Mother's pastor, and we reminisced about our days with EM. Mother seemed to be pleased to be the center of all this attention, and she held my brother's hand all evening.

When it was time to go, her face registered the "Where are you all going?" look, and I heard in my head the plea, "I want to go too!!" It's been dreadfully difficult to leave her each time I've visited. I felt she needed to be with me, but I know my siblings were right to arrange for her to be in the care of a 24/7 caregiver. By the way, that caregiver was a gift from God! We could not possibly have found a better person to care for EM.

Thursday morning, we began our visits, coming in ones and twos to stay for an hour or so, but EM was so soundly asleep, and struggling so greatly to breathe, that we ultimately left her in the care of the Hospice staff. Just after we'd gone to bed, my oldest sister called to say that Elegante Mother was at peace.

My youngest sister and I began planning EM's funeral about a month ago. I followed through, finishing up the details, and she returned to help me choose flowers and arrange for a luncheon. There was another visit with Pastor to share our thoughts and memories of EM, and another gazillion details to be organized.

My mother had an exceptional eye for color. When she lived near Branson, Missouri, she took lessons in painting, and eventually those artistic abilities morphed into quilting. While she had an appreciation for all colors, her favorite was RED! She loved all the shades of red, but she liked Christmas red the best, the clear, bright, happy color we first meet when we open a box of crayons.

To honor Elegante Mother, as we held her visitation, many of us chose to wear red. We have quite a large family, and many of them participated in the visitation, welcoming friends, and throughout the room you could see every shade of red, in every type of garment, right down to shoes and up to hats! I warned friends who contacted me via computer that they shouldn't be shocked by the red, that we were celebrating EM's life, and friends began arriving in red. Despite our terrible sense of loss, we are confident that Mother is at peace, and we let our friends and all the red buoy us up and carry us through a difficult time.

Today, we started with an hour of visitation at the church for those who could not be there yesterday, immediately followed by the funeral. Pastor had clearly listened to what we had said and pulled together an elegant paean to Mother's life and the lessons that could be learned from it. He incorporated the scriptures we chose, with the music she had requested, and blended it together in a loving remembrance of a very special woman. My youngest sister stood to deliver, brilliantly, an amazing eulogy which she had written.

Following the trip to the cemetery, we invited all who knew her to join us for lunch, and it was an incredible meal. We purposely tempted them, because we have all been on light rations for a few days, seeing to Mother's needs. Those who thought they might not be able to eat, rediscovered their appetites. Everyone left sated, from food and companionship, support, and an eased heart from having shared their stories of Elegante Mother.

So, we are starting that trek that we all follow after loosing a loved one. My mother has left an incredible hole in the lives of inumerable people, not just within her family. Many of my online friends have met EM, and then there are the Red Hat Ladies, the exercise class, the Empty Nesters, her doctor and dermatologist and optometrist, the ladies of the salon, and the people at the grocery store, at the pharmacy, and on, and on, and on.....

Mom.....I'm so glad you're at peace.

Thanks to ~T~ we are back on-line, and her timing is good, as always.

My family and I are gathering because it seems that our mother's time is nearing it's end. My very Elegante Mother is weak, having difficulty speaking and she is refusing to eat or drink. Hospice has told us that it won't be long now before she passes away.

In some ways, it's a blessing to know that the end is near. We really don't want EM to suffer any longer, and the woman we remember would absolutely HATE seeing herself like this. It's funny how often that bit of vanity has been repeated over the past few months. I never thought of Elegante Mother as being a vain person, but she was very careful to look her best. She greeted every day well groomed and dressed beautifully. EM lived with us for 19 years, and I think she may have purchased her first pair of jeans during that time. She must have bought them to wear when gardening because she would never have been caught wearing them away from home! She had a very classical look to her clothing, and I could walk into a store with her and hold up things I knew she'd go for. Think "Chanel" and you have a picture of how EM dressed.

Another blessing is that EM is pulling the family together again. We have been dispersed, leading our own lives, and coming to be with her has caused us to reconnect. Four of us visited with Elegante Mother late yesterday afternoon, and it was good to re-establish our familial bond.

So, we wait, and celebrate Mother's life, and keep her company through her last days. I believe she would say, "God is good."