unfinished business

I’m sure in everyones life there is unfinished business, something that while maybe we wouldn’t change the way things are now for us, we wish we could find out why things went the way they did before…I am no different (OK well maybe I am but not in pertaining to this *s*)
last year I was briefly involved with someone who at the time I thought was almost perfect, (in retrospect I realize that was not the case)…he actually knew and did not have a problem with my attraction to women..(and no not for the reasons you think)..and he was the polar opposite of my EX, (as much as he could be still being a guy that is) that I think went a long way toward any attraction I felt at the time.
So for long time readers of the blog, you might remember what happened, for my new readers to make a long story shorter he walked out of my life, completely (so I thought), 2 days before my birthday, less than a week before the protective order case against my ex came up (he was supposed to testify as a witness at that) never to be heard from again.
during the last year, since I have reopened the custody issue, I have had his name thrown at me on several occasions with reference to ‘things I don’t know about him’ and ‘you will find out’ type threats made at me.
so needless to say that I wanted to get my hands on him (again not in the way you think!) to wring his chicken shit neck would be an understatement, I also wanted to know what the HELL his investigator could have possibly found out that would be an issue as it pertains to my case (he had been around the boys for a brief period, and never alone)
and yes I also wanted to know why I didn’t even rate a phone call..I mean good god even I will call to tell someone to kiss off!
so last night, I get to work (with BlueWolf on the phone as usual *s*) and look at the occupancy sheet…
the company he worked for had 2 rooms rented (oh crap..I don’t need this shit)
so yes, I checked..he was the one that signed for the room
yea you see where this is going don’t you?
after almost a year I have the opportunity to get those questions answered, to put my mind at rest, to find out if there are any ‘bombshells’ I need to be prepared for during the trial.
so much has happened since all that…I really have no desire or want to see him..I’m completely satisfied with my life, with the exception of not having my kids full time and being where I want to be..where I NEED to be..I could not ask for anything more..for the first time in my life I feel complete and yes HAPPY..I never knew what that was before..
but human nature I guess..causes us to wonder why..what happened to cause such a reaction, and do I need to be worried about it happening again?
cause yes I do worry about such things..I know in my heart I have no need to be but still one wonders “was it me? was it something about me that caused this?” that need to know if there is something I need to change is there…
and I don’t want to cause her any worry..even though there is not a need for it or a reason, that is the last thing I would want to do is cause her pain..she’s had enough of that in her life…
but the decision was taken out of my hands, yes he walked into the lobby..and the only feeling I had was wanting to smack the smug smile off his face..
but I didn’t..and he even told me to…
so I asked..why?
and is their anything I need to be concerned about being used to keep my kids from me buried in your past? (yes I did even ask him if he was a registered sex offender! *L*)
do I feel I got an honest answer? well no not really..he is a male after all..I think they are genetically programed to be full of shit.
do I feel better about a bomb being dropped in open court? yes, in that aspect I do
did I tell him about her? yes, everything…(he knows he doesn’t have a prayer)..I refuse to jeopardize my life or relationship, especially my relationship!!
do I feel there is still unfinished business? yes…not as much..and not necessarily with him per sey..but yes…there is still that wonder of what is so wrong with me that makes it so easy for everyone to walk away..