sometimes…

life is just not fair.
why does it seem, when you’re able to do something, when you PLAN to do something, then plans change, perhaps due to other people involved plans changing, or for other reasons.
so you rework your plans, postpone them…then something happens and there is no way that you can see that the plans can be carried out.
:wtf is she talking about? I’m sure you all are saying right about now…
allow me to explain…and yes, this is more detail than I usually go into on my blog…but I’m tired of all the bullshit

I was supposed to have my kids this summer, according to an agreed on, court ordered custody arrangement.
My ex, for reasons only he knows, (I will state here that karma is a bitch and he would do well to remember that) used LIES that other people told him, and played upon some issues my kids had while they were here last year, to get them to say they didn’t want to come. (I was a broke bitch last year, hell, I’d just moved, started a new job, and gotten an apartment, cut me a little slack please!)
oh, did I mention that he ‘outed’ me to my younger 2 boys? while they did know what I feel was appropriate for their ages (6 and 8), and they did know M stayed with us quite a bit last year, I didn’t think it was appropriate for them to know all the details.
apparently, he disagreed, and told them goddess only knows what, I just know that my middle child, who was adamant about coming here to see his mommy, was in tears, screaming and crying, and didn’t want to come anymore.
which only makes me wonder :wtf did he tell them!!
and no, they didn’t bring up the conversation, my oldest told me with his father standing next to him, that Daddy did start it, not due to their asking questions, but one can only assume his own fear that they might actually enjoy themselves? and of course, there was that promise to me years ago of what he would do if I ever ‘left him’
even after all of this, I was still going to see the kids, so I bit my tongue and talked to the evil ex the Sunday before we would have gone down there….he told me that they were going out of town, couldn’t give me any details, but they most likely would not be there….ok, that’s a long drive to make for no one to be there, so we changed our plans, postponed them so I could see them at another time…(I should note here, that he called me back on wed. of that same week, asking if I was coming to see the boys, and tried to act very surprised when I reminded him of our earlier conversation…I will remind you Jr. tapes are not admissible in court, quit trying)
so, after speaking with my father, who tells me they will be there for a week before school starts again, I tentatively make plans to go there to see them…
that would be this coming week
under the heading of Murphy’s law…my van starts acting up…I take it in and get it checked.
there is no way in hell it can make the trip without being fixed…and no way in hell I can get it fixed, and afford to make the trip, and if I fly out there, there’s no way in hell I can afford to get it fixed…
are we seeing a theme here? :let_it_all_out
I want to know why it seems the forces of the universe are trying to keep me from seeing my kids dammit! allow me to throw myself a pity party…it’s just NOT FAIR!
:cry :shakehead :cry