Posted on

Cleaning out my cloud drive and found this that I saved several years ago…good common sense advice

Big fucking deal. It’s between me and them. I choose my friends based on whether I think they’re worth spending time with, not on whether they side with me on matters that have fuck all to do with them if I don’t drag them into it. As long as we stay out of each other’s way (or at least try not to impose ourselves on each other) their continued existence does not have a negative impact on me. I’ll live. So will they.

The worst examples I see of this type of behaviour invariably tend to involve ex partners. OK, the breakup was painful. I’ve had bad breakups that have involved shitty behaviour on both sides – hence the falling out. Again, it’s between me and them. But there are reasons people become friends in the first place, usually based on similarities in outlook or shared appreciation for particular pastimes. If my friendship with you is based on similar things to the friendship I used to have with an ex, chances are you’re going to have a friendship with them based on those things. Imagine that – friendships forming based on shared culture. I’d probably still have the friendship with them, if it weren’t for the separate things we fell out over. So it’s understandable that people I choose as friends have other friends that I may not get on with. Friendship isn’t necessarily transitive. We don’t have to all like each other. We just need to take a mature approach to our dealings with people we don’t like. Be civil, or avoid each other. And don’t drag uninvolved third parties into your disagreements – that’s not fair to them.

Friends don’t give friends ultimatums about who they can also be friends with.