When I was a kid, it was common for men who had been accused of rape to get off scot free by using the defense that “She ASKED for it.” Specifically, I’m thinking of the cases where the men suggested that the woman’s manner of dress advertized her availability.
Kids today bare the oddest body parts. The girl’s clothing is very revealing, while the boys are wearing baggies that cover them from elbow to toe. Are the girls going to be accused of “asking” to be molested because they dress in what seems to be the fashion of the day?
Fashion and youth can be a scary mix. Part of our nation is very body conscious. Thinner is better, and clothes that show off how thin you are validate that premise. To be popular, you have to resemble the models in the magazines, or the young Hollywood stars. Young girls believe that what they see and read must be the real world. Sports Illustrated does an annual swimsuit issue that flies off the shelves. Does the moral climate in our entertainment world foster the idea that women who don’t dress modestly are available to any man who wants them?
I have a series of questions about this. Do you think that women “Ask” to be molested by the clothes they choose to wear? Should we allow men to be excused for rape or molestation based on this arguement? Is there a point beyond which a man cannot control himself in relation to a woman?
I’d like to live in a world where, when a female says “NO!” the man accepts her word without question. And, if my body is saying “yes,” but my mouth is saying “no,” don’t argue with my mouth. I’d also like to have faith that men can control themselves. Is that unrealistic?
Tell me your thoughts.

I have writers block. I didn’t think it would come so soon. Usually I have loads of things to chat about, but I can’t find anything worthy of a full post.
I guess it’s time to learn the art of pastiche.
I was visiting Jamie’s blog and discovered that she was talking about the possibility of abortion being repealed in the U.S. This is an incredibly volatile subject, but I agree with her stand. I think women should have the right to choose what happens to their bodies. If a change is coming with respect to this bill, I hope they merely modify it, allowing women who have been raped the right of abortion. I agree that abortion should not be used as a form of birth control. We have enough birth control options open to us that there is no reason for a thinking woman who is choosing to have intercourse to be unprepared.
Along these lines, I’d like to see our welfare system modified. I was appalled to learn that there are generations of women on welfare, who gave birth to children in their teens, and their children had babies in their teens, and now the GRANDchildren are having children in their teens. There’s something wrong with a system which keeps replicating the very problems we hope to cure. I’m willing to support a teenager long enough to get them through a training program or college course so that they can find a paying job. I am NOT willing to pay taxes to support a woman who chooses to have lots of children by multiple fathers.
This is what I propose: support for a specific period of time, for the mother and one child, child care during that period, and vocational training or two years of college. Should the mother choose to have another child during this period, her welfare rate would NOT increase: no additional income for additional children. It’s time to make people responsible for their choices. I know this is a hard stand, and that it appears to make the children suffer, but I can’t think of any other way to make the recipients of welfare want to be OFF welfare! What do you think?
The “Q” section of my Sunday Tribune yielded some interesting figures from a poll on infidelity. The following figures show the percentage of respondents who strongly agree that the following acts cross the line of infidelity when not done with a spouse or a partner:
Oral Sex
Men—-85% Women—-93%
Cybersex
Men—42% Women—-64%
Kissing
Men—51% Women—-69%
I rather understand the figures for cybersex and kissing, but I really wonder about the men and women who felt oral sex wasn’t cheating. They must all be related to Bill and Hillary Clinton…..
There’s an interesting discussion going on over at Mad Bull’s blog. He wonders how many sex partners the average person has. Dr. D posted in a comment that the World Health Organization defines as promiscuous a person who has had 6 (six) or more sexual partners in a LIFETIME. There goes the neighborhood! On Dr. D’s blog, the discussion is all about frequency of sex. Why is it that partners so frequently don’t agree on what is right? I know that raising a family, or not having enough privacy enter into this issue, but for people who don’t have those reasons, why do we change?
Okay…..I know you’re saying that I don’t have writer’s block, but I do. Give me time, and I’ll work my way out of this. My youngest sister’s daughters are coming to visit for a week. They are 12 and 13. I may not have a lot of time to post, but I suspect that I will have plenty to say after the visit! We hope to make at least one trip to Chicago for some live theater and a stroll on Navy Pier. I’m sure there will be shopping and miniature golf, maybe even laser tag. Any advice on how to entertain these girls will be greatly appreciated!

One of my nieces sent this to me recently. It’s incredibly good advice, especially for those who have most likely passed the halfway point in their lives.
I’d add to it: Live your life as the real performance, not as a dress rehearsal.
The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady,who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move
necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. “I love it,” she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
“Mrs.. Jones, you haven’t seen the room … just wait.” “That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged…
it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it …
“It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up.
I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away …
just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account … you withdraw from what you’ve put in .
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

I’ve noticed the phenomenon of the Friday Five at several blogs. I’d like to join the band wagon with five things that tick me off!
1. Drivers who can see for a mile that they have to merge into another lane, who speed along the mostly empty to-be-closed lane and then assume you will let them merge in front of you. You earn my five fingered salute minus four, and my grandson’s long ago favorite comment……JERK!!!!
2. Sales people who hate their jobs. This applies at every level of service, from the kid at Mickey D’s to the women in the toney shops who could care if you shop there. I recently purchased a silk shell to wear at my stepdaughter’s wedding. They didn’t have one in my size at the location where I was shopping, but they volunteered to see if one was available at another store. They found one, took my card, and gave me a receipt with a “locator number.” Well….the shell never came, and a month later I decided to follow up on it. The saleswoman who took my call was indifferent, was having a bad day, and was going to have to ask for help to resolve the issue. She discovered that it had never been sent (DO TELL!!) and tried to palm the problem off on me……by telling me who to call. I stopped her and told her that I wanted HER to resolve the issue. She wasn’t a happy camper, but she followed up on it, and the shell came the next day. The only thing that kept me from talking to her supervisor and blasting her out of the water was that I’ve been known to make a mistake, and I hope someday someone will give me a break when I’m having a bad day. My logic was totally selfish…..I didn’t want to feel guilty later. But…..it would have felt good to get even for her general snottiness……at least for a moment.
3. Children who are out of control in public. I suggest you go visit Da Goddess, because she has an EXCELLENT post on this subject on June 11, and I totally agree with her stand. (You might tell her she has gorgeous ta tas, too, but that’s another subject.)
DH and I were flying home from Vancouver to Chicago a year ago, and seated behind us were two parents and two young children. They had three seats for four bodies. The little girl was probably two years old, and was forced to sit on her mother’s lap because her rotten little brother wouldn’t share his seat. That toddler kicked me in the kidneys all the way to Chicago. Her parents KNEW what was going on, and failed to stop her. The flight attendent even spoke with this family, to no avail. The airline should have required that she be in a seat, but her parents made the choice to carry her on their laps. They should have been more responsible. I’m still ticked about this!
4. Current clothing trends for teenagers in school. I swear, if I was a superintendent, I would require uniforms! I’m astounded at what is uncovered, broadcast, and advertised on teenage bodies. I don’t see how anyone believes that kids can concentrate in a classroom while they are dressed in the current fashions. I didn’t care for the dress code when I was in school, but it would have been less of an issue if we all had to wear uniforms. Besides….as a teacher I wouldn’t have to hold my breath waiting to see if the kid walking to the back row was going to loose his pants before he got there!
5. Telemarketers. If I tell you “No thanks, I’m not interested,” DON’T ARGUE WITH ME! It’s not going to put me in a frame of mind that will do you any good. And…..Don’t call me with a recorded message that I HAVE to listen to, so that I can get your number, because if I have to call you to tell you to take my name off your list, I’m not going to be pleasant! Don’t be surprised when you reach people who are angry about having their own phone used to waste their time.
Sooooo that’s the five for this week. Now that I’ve gotten the pet peeves out of the way…oh wait….I have one more…..
5 1/2……people who choose to live in the US who choose not to learn to speak English. I wouldn’t dream of moving to Afghanistan and then demand that you print all your documents in English for me. If you want to live here….then be a fully participating citizen, and learn the language.
Well….the next Friday Five should be lighter than this one, but it was nice to be able to get this off my chest. Have a great weekend! May you all have sunny and 72!

Are you superstitious? I guess I should have been. The first time I was married, it was June 13. I should have worried more about the fact that my anniversary would occasionally fall on Friday the thirteenth. We lasted just 11 years, which was really amazing.
As I’m typing this, my cat, Edward Scissorhands is laying beside one of my arms. He’s a black cat…..or mostly black. There’s just a spritz of white at his tummy. He’s not my familiar……but he’s just a little too familiar as I type. He wants my full attention, and resents the time I’m giving you.
I don’t tend to walk under ladders because it’s safer to go around. I generally avoid cracks in the sidewalk, but that’s because I’m a spaz and could fall, not because I’m worried about my Mother’s back. If I wanted to whistle in a graveyard…..I would.
Do you think that we should take superstitions more seriously, or are they the product of a less educated era? I find that a lot of the information which comes to us as old wives tales or herbal lore, has basis in observable information. Alert, questioning people make correlations to make sense of the world around them. Where things couldn’t be explained, they became lore, to be passed on from generation to generation.
I dont tend to be superstitious, but during my lifetime I’ve made some changes in what I’ve thought, and in the right situation, I could change my opinion on this. Do you have any proof to make me reconsider my stance??

You know, I’ve come to discover as I blog that somewhere along the line I have laid aside my ability to think critically, and to put those thoughts down in logical arguments. Frequently, I find myself in the middle of a post that has taken a left turn and doesn’t have ANY relationship to what I intended to write. And I’m finding that sometimes I surprise myself, typing statements that I didn’t realize I believed until that moment. Surely this is the ultimate in pselph-psychoanalysis.
I have been listening to commentary on the new book by Hillary Clinton. I assume that most of you know she plans to run for President, whether she has announced or not. I’ve been thinking about her and that race, trying to decide just what I feel about it.
I liked her a during the first Clinton term. Even when it appeared that they may have erred in Arkansas, my admiration for her wasn’t diminished. I had high hopes that she would guide us toward a more sensible health care program, and I wanted to believe that she was a good person. Whatever happened to the improvements in health care?
Then…..when Bill was at his worst, with Monica…..Hillary kept her silence. I was torn between applauding her for not creating a veritable circus of the Presidency, and wanting her to stand up and call him every name in the book, and walk away. I will never look at another cigar again without seeing it’s possible uses. His excuses: We didn’t have intercourse” and “I didn’t inhale” sullied the office he held.
Finally, calmed down and reached the point where I approved how she had handled it. I pursuaded myself that it was for the good of the office and the country. I waited to see what would happen to their relationship once he was out of office. I figured there might be a quiet divorce.
I was astounded when she ran for the Senate, having not been elected to office prior to that. It bothered me that she sought the Senate seat for New York, a much more posh address than Arkansas. And things became complicated here. Has she not divorced Bill because it would now hurt HER career? Is she such a political creature that she is trying to bury all the difficulties to smooth <b>her</b> path?
I have more questions. Does she truly believe that the news media won’t hound her about her marriage from the day she throws her hat into the ring? They are already hounding her! Have you thought of the fact that Bill Clinton will be the First Husband, if she should win?
I think that she carries so much baggage that she can’t possible win the race. What political group will spend the millions of dollars that her campaign will require, knowing that Bill will have to campaign for her.
If she chooses to divorce her husband, she will loose the Catholic vote. If she chooses to stay married, and it sounds as though she might from what I’ve heard of her book, she’ll loose the NOW vote, both of which are substantial. I wonder what her demographics are throughout the rest of the country?
Sooooo…as I write to you, I have found I no longer respect Hillary Clinton. I’d dearly love to see a female President in my lifetime. I think we are getting closer to a time when that would be possible, but if Geraldine Ferraro couldn’t stand up to the cannons aimed at her during her run as VICE President…..I seriously doubt that Mrs. Clinton will make it either. Hillary is tougher, but she carries baggage that will put her out of the running, and she should save her money, our time, and a lot of media space and reconsider.
This is a comment from the Heartland. If you’ve surfed in to see what we are thinking, I suspect you will find others agree with me.

I woke up this morning expecting to loose a molar at the oral surgeon’s office. I’m scared to death of dentists……all kinds of dentists, but I managed to pull myself together to get to his office at 10:45. I had not had “anything by mouth” since 11:45 last night, not even water. They were running late, and of course, we got there early.
I filled out pages of forms and they finally called me in. The nurse was wonderful. I had requested that I be put to sleep for this session so I wouldn’t recall any of it. She hooked me up to an EKG machine, took my blood pressure, and put one of those clips on my finger that tracks my pulse. We discussed what meds I’m on, and the doc came in.
He was the archeologist the last time I had to have a tooth removed. He did a fine job, despite the cavern that was left afterward. I chose to go back to someone I knew, rather than breaking in a new digger. Besides, the guy is an ex-Marine, cute as hell for a guy my age, and a doc in addition to being an oral surgeon.
He checked out my mouth, and looked quizzical. “WHY do you want to have this tooth removed?” I gave him all the reasons my dentist had given me. He asked his assistant to get the dentist on the phone. She was away until June 18.
Ultimately, he showed me the x-ray of the tooth he was supposed to work on, and said that he felt there were other options to be considered rather than removing it. He thinks I should have a crown put on it.
So……..for the very first time in my life I have been given a reprieve from the dentist’s chair. It may still come to it that the tooth is removed, but it wasn’t today. Actually, I’m rather fond of the tooth. We’ve known each other for a LOT of years! I sure hope this little discussion doesn’t tick off the dentist. (Envisioning scenes from “Little Shop of Horror.”)
Wish me luck!

This morning I was listening to the radio as I dressed for the day, and I heard Spike O’Dell on WGN talking to an innkeeper in the Irish town where Viagra is made. It seems that all the men in the town, and a lot of the women, are very happy campers these days. All you have to do is take a brisk walk downwind of the factory to enjoy the bounty of the production line. O’Dell was clearly worried that he was going to have to hit the seven second delay button, and kept reminding the innkeeper that this was family radio. His guest was quite willing to tell all about the benefits of living there, in colorful detail! So….either we need to take a vacation to Ireland, or encourage Viagra to build another factory in the US!

Well…..We rolled into this weekend with the goal of walking the Walter Payton 5K Fitness Walk. I walked it last year with my exercise class and wanted to try it again. Last year, I was coming off an extended period of treatment for a plantar fasciia problem in my left foot, so my goal was to simply get through the 5K. I did, but it took me more than an hour and ten minutes as I recall. A week after the walk, I received a postcard telling me that I was 1157 out of 1160 women in the race. (pout) Still…..I made it without having to be brought in on a gurney!
We started a walking program last fall, which was going very well. Unfortunately, DH fell off the roof and landed on his feet, and that put an end to our walking together for a bit. Then…..he tried to bring down a thief and ripped his hamstring muscle on the same leg. So, that wiped out our walking in the early spring. Neither of us was well prepared for this walk, and it’s my own fault that I wasn’t ready.
The day broke cloudy, gray, gusty and threatening rain. I put my driver’s license,some money, and a bandana in my pockets, and a visor on my head, and we were off to the race site. We registered, got in line and set off at the shot. Despite wearing New Balance shoes and my orthotics, I was in trouble in the second mile. And because I favored the foot that hurt, I developed a good-sized blister in the other foot. This is the first time I’ve gotten a blister on the narrow part of my foot parallel to the arch.
It would be an understatement to say I’m limping. I had to borrow a cane from my mother to be able to get around. I hope DH can do some grocery shopping because I’m dreading the idea of having to walk the grocery store.
Still….I made it. I know that I don’t want to experience that type of walk again, but I made it, and I was faster than last year! We shaved eight minutes off last year’s time. If we do it next year, I plan to have walked all Spring to get ready for it. Come walk with me! It’s time to get in shape!

There isn’t really enough time this evening to write about this as fully as I’d like, but I want to tell you about a conversation I had this week.
First….a little explanation. I’m a grandmother. When I married DH, he presented me with a ready-made family, who were well on their way to being adults, so I was a grandmother at a rather early age. Since I have been a step-grandmother, I sent a lot of love my grandson’s way, and tended to keep my hands off his little psyche as he grew up. Unfortunately, his mother died last year.
It’s been a hellish year for him, and maybe moreso for his father. It’s been difficult for the two of them to talk to each other. I have been worrying about both of them for some time, and this week, my grandson was with us. I bided my time, and waited until I had him captive in the SUV….and then asked him if his father had talked to him about sex.
He’s seventeen! He probably knows more about sex than I do, but I wanted to be sure that someone had talked with him about SAFE sex. I wanted to be able to tell him that making love is stupendous when you do it with someone you love, and I wanted him to know that all you see on the internet is not necessarily what the average person believes is good and appropriate.
He gets MAJOR credit for not blushing or shrinking away from me. He was really cool about this, and relaxed. He told me that he had not talked with his dad, but that his mother had talked with him. And, he described the sex ed classes they have at his school. The classes were pretty astounding, and I’m glad he had them. Too many parents and schools let kids promulgate errors, and then chastise them for their behavior, when they didn’t have enough information to make the right choices.
I wanted my grandson to know that he could talk to me forthrightly about this subject, if he needed an adult to talk to. I’m realistic about the fact that he is not likely to talk to me…..but the door is open if he so chooses. I hope he will remember what I said when it comes time to make his choices.
My friends were kidding me tonight, asking if they could send their kids to me for a talk. Heck…..why not!? I’m an old hand at this now! (HUGEGRIN)
Sooooo….have you given this talk? Was it difficult or easy for you? Do you think it made any difference in the choices your child will make? Do you think some children find it easier to talk to someone other than their parents? Guys….did you leave this discussion for your wife to do?? Let me know what you think.