The following story came to me via e-mail this week. Unfortunately, there was no credit given for the creation of the post. If you know the writer, I’d be most happy to give credit where credit is due.
As you know, my mother, who will be 90 in about six weeks, lives with us. I am accustomed to her response to matters of this sort. I think I may share this with her and encourage her to follow suit. *G*
Subject: Getting Even with the Bank
Sometimes killing them with kindness is the best approach! I’m sure we have had our share of these about our call centers…
A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it
amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Social Security check, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she
must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1– To make an appointment to see me.
2– To query a missing payment.
3– To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4– To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5– To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6– To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7– To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the
Authorized Contact.)
8– To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9– To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)
JUST GOTTA LOVE SENIORS

I never know when to believe Dear Husband.
This spring I ordered several cubic yards of mulch. It was delivered when I wasn’t at home, and the truck apparently couldn’t maneuver into position to drop the load where the previous pile had been. Instead, it now occupies about half of one of the arms of the driveway that DH uses to make a three-point turn. During the summer this isn’t so critical, but I suspect that it will cause some problems in the winter when things are slick.
I can see the pile when I’m at the kitchen sink, so I frequently think about it. I was thinking that DH and I could start working on moving the pile when he gets home from work. I can spread some of the mulch, but the rest will have to be shifted about six or eight feet.
I mentioned my thoughts to DH, and he sat, thinking, for a bit. Then he said that it was a better plan to wait for the pile to freeze solid and push it to the new position with the tractor. I hadn’t thought of it. It sounded a lot better than the exercise I was planning.
Unfortunately, Dear Husband let me absorb the idea before telling me that he was just kidding. I guess it’s pitch forks at 4:00 p.m. for us.

I don’t think I blogged about it, but I’ve been asked to lead two more exercise classes. I’m amazed, just amazed.
I’m the least physically fit of the class. All but one of the class is older, and in better shape. I’m not talking about a week or two older, I’m talking about people in their seventies and eighties! These ladies and gentlemen are my role models. They recognize that regular exercise is important to good health, and they make it to class three mornings a week.
I’ve been chosen to lead the class because I have experience teaching, not because I’m the best example. As many days as I’ve done the routines, I still don’t feel capable of calling off the exercises smoothly. I was worried about forgetting the order of exercise, so I made “cheat sheets” the first time I led class. When we were done, I tossed them into the back of the car. WRONG! I should have taken better care, because now, I have to re-do them. That’s okay, though, because it will give me a chance to review.
I was so absorbed in calling out the sequences of exercise last time that the class could have slipped out the door one by one and I would have never missed them. I’m not prepared to face the class and move right when I tell them to go left. Instead, I joined the front line with my back to the class.
I suspect that the two class clowns will try to lead the class astray before my time as an “apprentice guru” is up, but I have a plan. We have mirrors on three sides of the exercise floor. Normally, I’d be able to see the class, but my notes were on an easel that obstructed my view. This time, I’m going to tape them to the top of the mirrors, so that I can see the class, and still follow the notes.
Even with experience I’ll never be a natural leader when it comes to exercise. I’ll improve, but I’ll never be the leader our Dragon Lady guru is. It tickles me though, that alternate exercises have begun popping into my head. I think we’ll use the ballet barre on Monday! *G*

Constancy. Gumption. Stick-to-it-iveness. Those words were in my prayers this morning. Dear Lord, please help me stay the course, whether it’s getting my filing done, or avoiding the Halloween candy. I could have added cleaning the basement or exercise.
I need to plumb my depths and find the ability to stay with my long-term goals.
Serenity would be another good word to add to my prayers. I hope staying the course will bring me serenity, not because of the accomplishment of goals, but for knowing that I CAN go the distance.
I suppose that it would be too much to ask for a personal commitment trainer for Christmas……and a housekeeper, huh? *G*