Today, as I was running errands I was listening to WGN on the radio. From 9:00 to noon it’s presided over by two zany women, who tend to talk about really trivial things. Today, Judy was talking about a questionnaire in “Elle” Magazine about bodies.
The question posed was: If you were in a long-term relationship and you could arrange for one of you to have a GREAT body…..which of you would have the great body? They took six callers and 5 out of the 6 said they wanted the great body. The callers were both men and women. One man said he wanted his partner to have the great body.
The article said that 9 out of 10 women said THEY wanted the great body. Fewer men said they wanted the great body, about 6 out of 10.
Since women tend to be less secure about their bodies their results didn’t surprise me. The physical aspects of making love have to be easier when you aren’t concerned about a few extra pounds, or when you know that your lover admires how you look.
There’s vanity involved in men wanting their partner to be beautiful. Think of how many men divorce in middle age and then marry a trophy wife. I wonder if that really raises a man’s social standing among his peers? I was a little surprised that as many as six out of 10 men wanted the great body for themselves. Does that mean that male values concerning appearance are changing?
How would YOU vote?

If you have been in, or are in, a long term relationship, have you ever hit a point where you didn’t have the faintest idea what to get your significant other? I’ve gone from knowing what DH would enjoy to not having a clue. He’s become like my Dad…….if he doesn’t have it, you can’t afford it. Dad wasn’t a materialistic person, and neither is DH. It’s terribly difficult to buy a gift that matters, and I hate to give a gift just because the day demands it.
I hate to admit it, but Martha Stewart might bail me out this time. With Father’s Day coming up, she suggested using a picture frame with six openings, and filling five of the spots with pictures of his kids growing up. THe sixth spot has a message…you know…..Happy Father’s Day, 2003! Or something a little more personal. If I featured pictures of his daughter this year…..and one of the boys each of the next three years, and his grandson the following year, I could stretch this out for FIVE YEARS!!! YES! Now what do I do for his birthday, and Christmas, and our anniversary???
How do you let your significant other know what you might like to have? Do you get a lot of goofy gifts? I know that there are women out there who have threatened mayhem if they receive another appliance for Mother’s Day, and frankly, I don’t blame them in the least! My ex-mother-in-law received a robe every Christmas, year after year. For Mother’s Day, she got a bottle of perfume. I couldn’t believe she didn’t find a way to guide her husband in his gift giving, but now I find the same thing has happened to me. Maybe I just don’t have enough “I wants.”
I’m at the point in my life where more time together, or quality time, is what I really want. A long weekend trip would be lovely. A visit to the Antiques Fair, or maybe a weekend of estate sales, or visiting Salvage One would be fun. So would strolling a riverwalk, entertaining friends, or playing Spite and Malice. I don’t need a mink…..or a BMW. Diamonds would be kinda nice…..but time is what I’d really like.
If you happen to see DH sailing by…..whisper in his ear…….

“The Joy of…” Have you read “The Joy of Sex”?? When that book came out, I was a modern young married woman, but I had to hold back a nervous giggle as I bought it. You couldn’t order it through Amazon.com then, and it was tantamount to asking for a copy of “Penthouse” at the news stand. I was delighted to have a guide, but vaguely uneasy about it. I finally realized that the people depicted in the poses were all Hippies! Had the book featured a clean-shaven Establishment man….I would have felt right at home! lol Talk about conservative!
I picked up another book recently, Lou Paget’s “How to be a GREAT LOVER.” It’s subtitled “Girlfriend to Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques that Will Blow His Mind.” In the chapter called “Give That Man a Hand” I discovered that I had been depriving DH of a technique called “Ode to Bryan.” I’m amazed he hasn’t divorced me……and he never said a WORD! I wonder if he has a stash of how-to books and is relieved that I haven’t left him because he’s failed to perform some incredible technique from the Kama Sutra?
It’s all about checks and balances. *G*
Okay…..tell me. What other books should I have read??

Good morning, everyone! It’s Saturday, and I’m still in the “getting ready for the wedding mode,” but a comment Dr. D left under “Mates” caught my attention and I had a little more to say about choosing a mate.
When I wrote about mates, I was actually thinking that although we all have an ideal mate in mind as we start our search, we need to be open to the surprises which come our way. That was why I felt we need to know exactly what we must have in a mate, rather than what we might like to have.
We all start out with a long list of what we might like to have in a mate, and then we have to whittle that list down. As many of you pointed out, that ideal simply doesn’t exist, or we are unable to find it. I think that it’s necessary to understand yourself well enough that you can decide what you can’t live without.
Family is an important issue to me. I would be miserable with a man who refused to attend family functions. Even when I’m unhappy with my family, I still have obligations to them, and my husband’s support helps me through the tough times.
If I were starting a family, I’d want a husband who parented equally with me. I think that children need to interact with both parents, and parents need to be in agreement on how the children are raised. Like parenting styles would help, but I don’t know if they are required.
I glossed over it in my last post, but similar interest in sex has to be a requirement. Can you imagine someone who will only allow the missionary position married to someone who wants to explore the world of BDSM?? *G* That’s an extreme example, but frequency and style do matter. If one of you is unprepared to change, then you’re in for trouble. To me, fidelity is also a must.
For some people, religion is a serious issue. Do you need to marry within your church, or could you accept someone from a different religion? Can you accept a person who doesn’t believe in God? Could you change religion for your mate?
There are suprises along the way. I told you that I thought I would marry a tall, dark man. Well….I got the dark part. DH has incredible Mediterranean skin that I envy every day of the summer. But I ditched my expectations on height when I married DH. He’s shorter than I am.
He surprised me in another way. I’m the partner with more education. He’s the partner with more brains. I have the book learning, he has the common sense. I had expected to marry a man who had at least as much education as I have, and found that it really didn’t matter.
I think when you fall in love, you have to think about what you need in your relationship, and set everything else aside. Be realistic, ruthless if need be, but whittle that list down. Open yourself to suprises and enjoy your search!

I was visiting at Dr. D’s and saw a link to a post by Dominatrix at the Tower of Babel. She was writing about the difficulty a successful working woman has in finding a husband. She’s figured out that she needs to find a self-confident man who won’t be threatened by her success. Do you have a list of requirements in a mate?
When I was a kid, I expected that I would marry tall & dark, and if he was also handsome, that was a bonus. I come from a very tall family, and Dad had black hair, so my expectations came from what I knew. When I married the first time, my husband was just two inches taller than I, and his light brown hair was already disappearing. Our marriage didn’t fail because he didn’t meet my girlish expectations; it failed because we were unable to communicate.
So…..should I have had a grocery list of what I was shopping for in a mate? Should I have determined his fiscal responsibility, his five and ten year plans, his vocation and avocations, religion, education, family? What about his ability to speak to me of hopes and fears, his health, or his plans for children? What about sex….does he have fetishes, or is he so conservative that we will die of boredom?? Can he allow me freedom, or is he jealous or manipulative?
I think you have to whittle your list down to the items that you can’t live without, because it’s unlikely you will find your dream man. If you find that he has some of the “extras,” so much the better. My advice to you is that you shouldn’t assume a mate will compromise with you, or change to suit your wishes or needs. If you can’t find the right man where you live, then expand your search area. If you are willing to move, then consider looking for a mate on-line. I know an incredible number of couples who met on-line, and I’m beginning to think the anonymity we have as we first chat may be a healthy thing. We talk about things in depth that it would take much longer to get to face to face.
When I was divorced, I swore I wouldn’t marry again. It took three years before DH caught my attention, and what caught me was his sense of humor.
Who knew??? Add it to your list of essential qualities! *S*

Boooooooooo Hoooooooooo
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is coming to an end. Not that I watched it or anything…..
Here are 10 one liners we won’t forget, courtesy of the Chicago Tribune, Arts & Entertainment Section, Sunday, May 18, 2003:
1. “Comfy? I’m chained in a bathtub drinkin’ pig’s blood from a novelty mug. Doesn’t rank huge in the Zagat’s guide.” –Spike
2. “She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?”–Spike
3. “We’re drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffemakers that think.”–Riley
4. “Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons.”–Giles (THIS IS MY PERSONAL FAV!)
5. “You’re not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you?”–Giles
6. “We can’t run. That would be wrong. Could we hide?”–Willow
7. “Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn’t make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint.”–Buffy
8. “You don’t just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make a noise when you walk. You…stomp. Or yodel.”–Buffy
9. “Eww! Why is it that every conversation you poeple have has the word ‘corpse’ in it?–Cordelia
10. “I don’t like vampires. I’m going to take a stand and say they are not good.”–Xander
There you have it…..the highlights of seven years of screen time! Kinda makes you wonder how they became a cult favorite.
I suppose this is the appropriate place to tell how I came to be called “Buffy.” About four years ago I decided that I was going to enter the life of on-line chatting. The very first obstacle I faced was the need for a nickname to get into the chatroom. You got it……in the background “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” was playing, and I borrowed her name. At the time it seemed reasonable. I had no idea that so many people would come to know me as “Buffy.” I am as unlike Sarah Michelle Gellar as a woman could be, but she provided a lot of cover, and some very stupid one liners, during my chatting days. I finally got tired of the masquerade and fessed up to being a “mature suburban matron” *G* but the name stuck. I truly envy those of you who are quick witted and can come up with repartee for every situation. Maybe if I associate with you a little of it will rub off. Until then…..”Hi! I’m Buffy!”