I don’t care for the term EX-husband. I have one of them, and I prefer to refer to him as my “former” husband. I guess that makes DH the “latter’ husband. I supposed I could call Mr. Former “the JERK,” but I’ve tried to play nice in public.
Anyway, today I was thinking about the fact that I have EX-relatives. My brother and his FORMER wife divorced, and it put me in a difficult position. I like the woman he was married to, the mother of his children, and I like the woman he IS married to. It’s very difficult to know just what to do about it.
I tried to keep in touch with his former wife, and found that was uncomfortable. I wondered if she felt I was a reminder of all that had happened, and it occured to me that perhaps I was hurting her by keeping in touch.
And, my present sister-in-law may see my relationship to the former Mrs. as being a slap in the face.
What to do….what to do? Are we supposed to close ranks and support our siblings, no matter what they do? Does that mean we cease recognizing the parent of our nieces and nephews?
I wonder if Emily Post has written about this. Perhaps I need to surf on “Divorce Manners.”
I have to admit, when my former husband kept in touch with one of my sisters, it really ticked me off at first. Then I realized it was probably a good idea to have a conduit, and I worked at letting the matter drop. I wonder if I put my siblings in the same position I’m in now?
Duh….
Never let it be said that I think on my feet….

We FINALLY got some rain! We’ve had gray days off and on for the past month, interspersed with gorgeous sunny ones, and NO RAIN! We got the gray skies, but all the storms have gone north or south of us.
So, last night about 2:00 there was a great crashing and flashing around us, and there be rain! We needed it. I’ve been putting down mulch, and I had to water first because the ground was drying up.
I’ll have to walk the grounds to see if we lost any trees last night. The storm came through fairly fast and furious.
And, in the dark, my first thought was..”I need to check on Defer.” Of course, he’s gone, but for the last fifteen years I had a dog who hid from lightening. His favorite place as a pup was under my computer desk, and in his later years, he chose our bedroom. I’m glad he’s spared the storms now.
So….this weekend….more mulching! I know that most of you consider that drudgery…but I’ll take it over sailing any day! *G*

My mother is a member of the Empty Nesters group at her church. They are collecting items to send to our troops, and I wanted to share the list of items with you. It’s amazing what little things can help make their stay more comfortable.
I need your help. I’d like to find sources who might be willing to donate some of these items, but I’m a total rooky at this. Are there stores who do NOT donate, and are there stores who would be likely to donate? Should I contact manufacturers rather than going to retail stores? What do I need to have with me, other than the list of goods needed, to make my pitch successful? I assume that I need to provide the name and address of the church, and a contact. What else should I provide to make my request a success?
I’d appreciate any assistance you can give me. This is a worthy cause.

Continue reading →

Perhaps you call it “dinner.” I know there are regional differences in naming this meal, but I’m talking about the meal that is served at the end of the working day.
When I was a kid, it was possible for us all to gather for dinner at 5:30. Wednesday night church choir practice, or weeknight activities at school like band or play practice, football games, or dances all were scheduled late enough that you could have dinner with your family and then head off to evening activities.
We timed our clocks by Dad’s return home, and knew how much time we had left until we were expected at the table. We had a formal dining room, and also a more casual kitchen table. On Sunday afternoon at 2:00 we always ate in the dining room. Breakfast, lunch and Saturday meals were usually in the kitchen. As my youngest sister grew, we ate in the dining room more and more.
We were not assigned seats at the table, but we always took the same seats. My Dad sat at the head of the table and Mother sat to his left. My brother, the only lefty, sat at the end of the table where his elbow wouldn’t bother anyone. Dad served the meat and passed the plate to my mother, who added vegetables.
I think my brother might have been served first, because I’ve heard it said that my father rarely got to eat his own meal before my brother was ready for seconds. I don’t know how much of that is the truth, but he WAS a growing boy. *G*
Dinner was the only time during the day that our family came together. There’s a range of 19 years between my oldest sister and my youngest, so there were quite a variety of schedules to organize to accomplish that, but it was assumed that you would be at the table. We talked about what had happened during our day, and discussed the plans for the weekend.
This is on my mind lately because we have slipped into more casual dining. Frequently, I prepare a meal, everyone comes together to fill their plate, and then we all drift off to our own corners. We watch evening news or read books during the dinner hour, and there’s no time for conversation.
One of my nieces is a single mother of two boys. They live within ten minutes of us, and one day I suggested that she and the boys should come to dinner. It became a standing invitation. When Tuesday rolls around, she calls to make sure we are “on” for the night, and arranges to bring a dessert.
While we are at the table, we talk about what’s happened in our day. We encourage the boys to talk, and their mother prompts them to use “good” manners. The boys carry food to the table, and their mother occasionally helps with last minute food preparation. The boys get to see Dear Husband and me work together, and they get to know one of DH’s sons. AND, they get to interact with their great grandmother.
When dinner is over, we get out the UNO cards and play three very fast and dirty hands of UNO. My mother takes no prisoners when playing cards, and always sits next to the older of the two boys. He is resigned to being handed every draw two, and draw four in the deck, and takes it with good grace. He’s delighted when he has the chance to give back as good as he gets.
The sense of community that we have as a result of our time together is what dinner should be about. I want those boys to know us. I want them to see the give and take in adult relationships, and I want them to see that it’s possible to have a pleasant time without resorting to TV or game boys.
I know that this family dinner is good for my mother, as well. At 87, she needs the contact with her family, too. So…..how is it that we have slipped away from the practice? Now that we don’t have young ones in our midst, we seem to have lost track of the fact that everyone needs interraction. Perhaps we drifted away from the table to save me having more linens to wash…..or to save the extra dishes that had to be cleaned. Or maybe there was something special on TV that drew us, to start.
This is just one person’s view, but I think we need to re-establish the old-fashioned dinner hour. We need a place where we can talk about what has happened during the day, to congratulate family members on their successes, and to help them when a problem arises. It’s a great place to teach a kid civics or charitable activities. And it’s a good way to keep up with what’s happening in your children’s lives.
It’s time to return to the table for supper.

The flu has hit here. I came down with it late Sunday night and am just getting over it now. Unfortunately, it’s moved on to my Mother. We’ve been doing a lot of sleeping here, and sitting around bundled up in quilts.
Saturday, Dear Husband stayed home from the boat. We went to the Farmer’s market at 7:30 to pick up shears and knives that had been sharpened for us, and then went on to haircuts.
We stopped at the meat market and chose enough items to carry us through the week. He wanted to try the cabbage rolls (they don’t do much for me), and he plans to marinate kebob meat. We’ve already had parmesan/garlic chicken breasts and there’s a rolled pork roast for a family gathering later this week.
We had breakfast before we returned home. I had some watering to do, and I worked on mail, and then we went to Dear Husband’s FORTIETH high school reunion. I’m still marveling about that. How could 40 years have passed since high school?? I still feel about 30 in my mind, so I’m SURE 40 years couldn’t have passed…. Well, actually, it hasn’t been forty years for me, but it won’t be long.
At any rate, one of his classmates invited everyone to her home, and about 60 people showed up. There was a lot of picture taking and sharing, and the meal was served about 3:30 under a tent. Picnic food: chicken, ribs, potato salad, beans, coleslaw, corn muffins, and a cake. We took soda pop and iced tea. A good time was had by most.
Last week, I ordered three cubic yards of cedar mulch. I found a place that had such a good price on delivery that I ordered a better grade of mulch than I would have origionally purchased. Sunday morning I started spreading the mulch. It will take a while because we are into some rainy weather. I was pleased to get two chrysanthemums planted and I worked on the mulch. There’s something about finishing off weeding and mulching….it gives such a clean look to the beds.
I’d like to make a quick trip to the nursery, and pick up some daylilies. There’s a spot that’s been weeded that is just calling out for them! The strip where I planted ornamental grass and Joe Pye weed is coming along nicely. I’ll need to put regular weed eating on my list of chores from now on, to keep that stretch looking nice.
So….I spent this morning in the office. It was a quiet way to recuperate from the flu and still get something done. Accounts Payable, Accounts Receivable, organizing the mail, paying taxes, cleaning off the desk…it all gave me a sense of accomplishment.
Maybe we all need some quiet time to organize our lives.