I was just reading about Betty Friedan, the author of The Feminine Mystique, who passed away a year ago. If you’d care to read an interesting perspective of Ms. Friedan, go to Time Goes By, and click on the link.
My last semester as a senior in college, I had the opportunity to take a class on the rising issue of feminism, and Ms. Friedan’s book was used as one of the starting points for discussion. I graduated in 1970 feeling that in the next few years we would have the world turned around (and cleaned up…but that’s another story), and all would be right.
I’ve watched the changes that have come over the past thirty-six years. Some of them have been astonishingly good, and others we could have left by the side. Of course, I’ve come to understand a great deal more about the working of the world in the intervening years. The first thing that became clear to me was that change does not occur overnight. I still have high hopes for the feminist movement. Anything that helps a woman to be a strong, independent, thinking person has to be good.
As I started my career as a grade school band director, I had the feeling that I was invincible! I believed that we (read: I) could accomplish anything we set out to do. I carried that belief for a number of years. Then I chose to set that particular career aside, and moved on to one where I was going to be out of the public eye. Actually, I volunteered for a career that is very much like being a mushroom.
I realized this weekend that I am in a position where virtually every choice I make in life is questioned. I am an office. My bosses or the CPA or the financial planner, the Feds or the insurance people are always looking over my shoulder, asking if such and such is done. When I make plans for my husband and my mother to go to dinner, or an activity, I’m second-guessed about the restaurant, the time to go and how to get there. It’s impossible to set a date for a family activity, and assume that it will take place without compromise or complaint. When it comes time to travel, I am merely the typist at the keyboard making the reservations, not the person making the choices about times and activities. My mother frequently objects to the meals I plan, and now some of my siblings feel that I have made poor choices on a family matter.
When did I loose the self-assuredness that I had as a young woman? Was it when I chose to help my husband and care for my mother? Did my self-confidence evaporate because I’ve chosen a quiet, backwater life? Have I made an error in trying to please most of the people most of the time? Is it necessary to disregard the feelings or interests of others in order to have a happier life for yourself? When you make the choice not to be rude to someone, does that broadcast to them that your opinions are not worthy of consideration?
I’d like to lay the blame for this at someone else’s feet, but the truth is, I think it’s my fault that this change has come about. But, I haven’t thought through this sufficiently to see what steps I need to take to regain that sense of self that makes me feel I can function in the larger world.
I’m sure we all question ourselves from time to time. As we mature, we change. Perhaps one of my errors is a confusion between “aging” and “maturing.” I hope that I’ve matured, and not merely gotten older.
I need the freedom to make my own choices. I don’t mind the idea that I’ll have to take responsibility for those choices, but I don’t care to live the rest of my life so that everyone else is happy, but I’m not.
Is this a question of selfishness? Or, do you at some point, to stay healthy and sane, have to lead your own life? That may be the big question for me.
Have you hit this wall? How did you cope with it?

I know, I haven’t been around all week, and then I drop yards of words on you. I hope you’ll scroll down far enough to see the quilt I finished for my granddaughter.
I had just a couple of thoughts to share before I shut down the computer for the day and go to play with fabric. I’ll visit blogs and read my e-mail tomorrow.
Elegante Mother is doing well. She had a visit with the doc to discuss the plan for her future health care. Doc is going the conservative route that we all prefer. She’ll have some blood tests done next week to determine whether she needs to see a neurologist, or not. Until then, baby aspirin is the drug of choice. If she needs to see the specialist, she’ll also have more tests done, including an MRI of her head. But, we’re waiting to see the results of her blood tests before we jump into further treatment.
We have a Red Hat Lady luncheon coming up next Saturday. I’ve been asked to plan the luncheon for March, so I’ve been compiling a list of Irish restaurants in this area. We’ll check out one of them for lunch tomorrow, and if it’s good, I’ll see if they are willing to host a small group. We’ll be away for five days at the end of the month, so I need to get this organized right away.
It’s less than three weeks to our trip to Florida! Where is the time going??? I need to do a little shopping, My present wardrobe is BBBBBbrrrrrrrr oriented! My-Sister-The-Nurse is going to stay with Elegante Mother while we’re gone, thank goodness. Otherwise, I’d be a wreck.
It’s VERY cold here, and will be even colder tomorrow. I bet the Bears are really thankful that they’re not playing the Super Bowl game at home! *G* We’re keeping bundled up, and adding quilts to beds where needed. Elegante Mother is showing off a new wardrobe of socks that my second sister gave her. If you don’t have to go out, be smart, and stay where it’s warm.
Okay…..I’m off to play with quilt fabric. Have a great day!

I am blessed with a niece who is artistic and thinks outside the box. I had the great good fortune of receiving one of her creations for Christmas. I’ve taken pictures of it so that I can share it with you.

I’m absolutely fascinated with the shape of the lip. I wouldn’t have it in me to play with a piece like this, but she’s fearless! I can’t wait to talk with her and get her thoughts on how she decided just what she wanted to do.

Neither of these pictures are true to the colors on the pitcher. The lighter shade is much greener than this shows. If I had to put names to the glaze colors, I’d say she used chartreuse and burgundy, which are complementary colors on the color wheel. Again, I’d have chosen “safe” colors. My niece has a lot to teach me about taking risks with your art. Cop Car has had that influence on my quilting stash, and it looks my niece will carry me a few steps further.
I love the “tail” on the handle. I’ve been trying to decide whether it looks like a woman with her hand on her hip, or whether it looks more like a cat’s tail, wrapped around the bottom. Whatever you think it is, it adds to the quirky sense of humor the piece embodies.
I’ll have to see if my niece would like to blog about her work. Perhaps we could set up a “Guest Blogger” status for her. Btw….this piece was done by Nan’s youngest daughter.
Thanks, sweetie! It’s a wonderful work of art, and a gift I’ll treasure!

I am not terribly obsessive about germs. We all know they are around us. We also know that it’s virtually impossible to lead a sterile life. Still, there are some times when it pays to avoid germs, and winter cold season is one of them.
I was in the doctor’s office with Elegante Mother last Monday. She had a follow-up visit with the doc. I picked up a copy of “WebMD” (because Hugh Laurie of “House, M.D. fame was on the cover *G*), and came across an article titled “Germ Warfare.” I thought I knew a lot about protecting myself, but this article opened my eyes.
I’ve seen the liners for grocery cart seats that people use now, as a barrier between their children and the germy cart, and thought that was an inspired idea. Do you think I made the leap from protecting the little ones to protecting myself or Elegante Mother?? Darn! I REALLY need to be looking at the bigger picture. Our grocery store offers sanitary wipes to use on the cart handles. I vow I will never push a cart that hasn’t been wiped down first.
As kids, we were taught to cover our mouth with a hand or a tissue when we sneezed or coughed. Now, we are more commonly being told to sneeze into our elbow or shoulder, so that we don’t contaminate our hands, and then contaminate whatever we touch. Smart, huh?? Of course, it makes for really yucky looking clothes… *G*
As a sidebar to that, check out your doctor. Is he still wearing a tie? I didn’t realize it, but there is a trend toward tie-less doctors as another way of limiting contamination. Think about it. A patient sneezes on the doc, and then his tie gets dragged across his next patient as he leans forward to examine them. It’s just one more place I wouldn’t have looked for germs!
I didn’t realize how many public places or things there are that we need to avoid if we are serious about not spreading germs. I NEVER thought about elevator buttons, or the hand rails on escalators. Out here in suburbia, we don’t have subways to deal with, but those of you who are city dwellers will pick up germs if you are a strap-hanger. Besides, a subway train is similar to an airplane. If someone within three feet of you is ill, you’re at risk.
Because I work at home, and spend so much time in the kitchen, the information about “what’s the germiest” at home interested me. The sponge at the kitchen sink is the worst offender, followed by the dishcloth. We’ve known for some time that sponges could be heated in the microwave for two minutes to sanitize them. Let me say, DAMP sponges. Apparently, when this was suggested in England, there were a number of house fires because they nuked dry sponges.
We change the dish cloth at least every day, sometimes several times within a day, depending on what’s going on in the kitchen. And, I use a bleach product on the sink and counters regularly.
In descending order, the rest of the germy list is the kitchen sink, the bathroom sink, cutting boards, the kitchen floor, the bathroom floor, the bathroom counter, and at the very last….the toilet!
So….having written all this about germs, I’d still tell you that I do not obsess about them. I try to make intelligent choices. I clean what I can, avoid some of the rest, and accept that some contact with germs is not a bad thing.
I have a parting shot for you. Wash your hands frequently during cold season! Use warm water, soap, and 15 – 20 seconds of scrubbing. If you’re not sure about the time, sing “Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear Meeeeeee-eeeeeeee, Happy Birthday to me,” twice.
Now go forth and lead a healthier life! *G*

When it rains it pours, at least with home repairs and electronics! It seems that if one appliance is going to go bad, two more fall apart very shortly.
The printer/scanner/copier/fax machine we use in the office has been getting more and more persnickety. I have finally adjusted to the need for this equipment, and probably couldn’t do without one now. So, after a brief discussion with the bosses, it was decided that we will shift this machine to the shop where they can use it as a copier, and we will get a new machine for the office.
That wasn’t so bad, was it?
Then, last week, I realized that the dishwasher just wasn’t doing it’s job. It’s roughly six years old, and is a Maytag, so of course, I’d like to believe their advertising about not needing maintenance. Hmpf. Finally it was bad enough that I called to arrange another service visit. I think my guys were shocked when they realized we would be returning to old-fashioned dish washing. I did the lion’s share, but I wasn’t shy about asking for help.
Tuesday, the service guy appeared, and worked with the machine for close to an hour before his boss called to find out where the heck he was! I had already figured out that his specialty wasn’t dishwashers. He was doing a fine job, but you could see he wasn’t used to doing it. Ultimately, he ordered the parts and said he thought they might have it up and running by Friday. And so they did!
The BOSS came out and had the parts swapped in fifteen minutes. While he was working on the dishwasher, I groused that just this morning the key pad on my microwave had died. He said that it was cheaper to buy a new one that it was to have it serviced. That’s rather what I thought. When he stood up to go, he walked over to the microwave, unplugged it, plugged it back in, and waited a few moments before he entered the time. Sure enough, he got it to start again.
I asked him what the charge was for repairing it, and he said, “Nothing.” Whatta guy! We talked about the clock on the oven that hasn’t been working. His estimate on the cost to repair it was right in line with a previous estimate. BUT, he was able to tell me why the door of the oven “closes funny.” There’s a hinge that’s wearing out. It would cost me another $25 on top of the charge for the clock to get that fixed. I think he may have a deal. I figure he saved me the cost of a new microwave, at least for a while.
Too bad that he can’t replace the CD player on our very famous brand name music machine.
Copier/Fax, Dishwasher, Microwave, Oven, CD player….. It’s time to stop! That’s more than three.

The following prayer was the final paragraph of an e-mail that crossed my desk today. It seems like a really good way to start the day.

Dear Lord,
So far today, I’m doing all right. I have not gossipped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or self-indulgent. I have not whined, complained, cursed or eaten chocolate. I have charged nothing to my credit card.
But I’ll be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think I’ll really be needing your help then.

I have no idea who penned that paragraph. I found the same prayer at this site, and they listed it as “anonymous.” I know that some of you will find it a frivolous prayer, but I believe that anything that brings you closer to God is worthwhile, even something humorous.
I hope you have a great day!

I was trying to explain about blogging to a friend who is new to the computer. She wanted to know why I would air my personal thoughts on a public venue. A friend who is a retired librarian says that the type of blog I write is rather like Samuel Pepys Diary, a recitation of the activities in my life. The first friend wonders why anyone would visit to read a recap of my days. I couldn’t find a way to explain it to her satisfaction.
A friend from my chatting days sent me a wonderful e-mail about friendship. One of the lines in that e-mail was “Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.” I’ve been writing about events, but now I’ve slipped to writing about people!
God……I’m only average, and very confused.
Seriously….I believe that I blog because of the sense of community that it brings. Right now, I tend to stay close to home. I’m so accustomed to caring for my mother that I have opted to keep in touch with friends electronically, rather than in person. I find all sorts of new ideas, and answers to questions in the blogs I visit, and the variety in those blogs is helping to keep me curious about life. Eventually, I will sign up for classes again, and participate in charitable activities, and perhaps travel, but for now, you are all my window on the world. I’ll work on that “average” problem. *G*

I’ve been away from the computer for a while. Long enough, in fact, for my youngest sister to nag me to post. We’ve had a reasonably quiet week, but I’ve had enough to do to keep me too busy to post.
Tuesday, the CPA’s assistant came to oversee the preparation of fourth quarter reports so that we could get the W2’s printed. They were ready to be distributed on Friday. It’s always a relief to send the reports off in the mail.
Mother has had a lap quilt for one of her granddaughters machine quilted. This evening I plan to trim the excess batting and backing so that she can finish the binding. We may try to use the backing as binding by folding the excess toward the front of the quilt, so the trimming will be a delicate operation. If I accidentally catch any of the backing with my rotary cutter, we’ll have to apply binding in the more traditional manner.
Dear Husband has come through his accident with flying colors. As I write, no ticket has been issued for the accident, and we are STILL waiting for the truck dealership to get the parts to repair his truck. Luckily, the repairs are mostly cosmetic, but it will be nice to know that he can use the snowplow, should we get more snow.
I got the results of my mammogram, and things are fine. The information arrived by mail on Saturday. I’m certain that I won’t go to the same facility for the next test.
Elegante Mother will be visiting my second sister for a few days. She has a visit with her doctor Monday afternoon to discuss the results of the tests she did earlier this month. She’ll be away Monday evening to Thursday morning. I know she’s looking forward to the change of scenery.
Dear Husband and I will be going to a charity golf tournament in Florida named for his late son. It will be held the end of February, and we plan to make a long weekend of it. For the first time, we chose flights that take off when WE want to leave and return. That feels amazingly decadent! I’m looking forward to the time off. I won’t be golfing. I’ll be the one riding around in a golf cart, cheering DH on! *G*
I had my hair trimmed yesterday. I was scheduled for a new perm the weekend AFTER the golf tournament, but once Kristin trimmed it, she re-booked the perm for three weeks from now. I went with a much shorter haircut, so there’s not much of the perm left to carry me through the next few weeks. It will be interesting to see if I can get my hair to do what she gets it to do.
It was sunny today, brilliantly sunny, and VERY COLD! I slept in, read for a while, made a Tostada Casserole that I had a jones for, washed dishes, read more than half of the 113 e-mails languishing in my mail box, did more dishes, and started pasta for dinner.
I’m sure you picked up on the DISH WASHING….. That’s right. My dishwasher is misbehaving AGAIN! At least one of the spinners is not functioning correctly. I have to call to find a repairman who can come to visit. I think this is the third time we’ve had to replace a part on this washer, and it’s only four years old, or there-abouts. I do believe it may be a lemon.
My youngest sister is recuperating from a little out-patient surgery this weekend. She nagged me on Friday night to get busy blogging. I think I’ll just stroll over there to see what’s up at Just My Opinion. I hope you all had as nice a weekend as I did.

Late last year I bought several new DVDs for my collection. One of them is “You’ve Got Mail.” One of the special items on the disk is the director and screen writer (Nora Ephron) talking about the making of the movie as the movie unfolds on the screen. It was fascinating to hear them talk about putting their ideas on film.
At one point, Ephron talks about what we are looking for in the person we hope will be the love of our life. She says we tend to describe ourselves when we describe that person: Democrat, loves classical music and cats, goes for long walks, spends weekends watching TV, gardens, whatever.
I think, were I pressed, I would have said “Tall, dark, and well-educated.” My father was 6’4″ and had black hair, and was well-educated. I think that I expected to marry someone similar to my Dad or my brother.
Ephron says that younger people are likely to say “I could never marry someone who……Was a Democrat, who fished for a living, who was a couch potato, who didn’t want kids…..whatever. The point is, you have very little control over who you come to love.
Is your Prince Charming the ideal you imagined? Dear Husband comes close, but he isn’t a carbon copy of my Dad or brother. What you can’t know is how wonderful the surprises can be when you choose someone different from your expectations. We’d live a VERY dull life if we were both like me. DH brings a weird sense of humor to the mix. He’s open to more experiences than I am, and he’s willing to completely change directions from his original plans. We took off for Lake Geneva one weekend, and it wasn’t until after dinner that we discovered there was not a room to be had in a 50 mile radius. That was the weekend the Special Olympics were being held in Madison. He found us a place to lay our heads. We could have driven home. Instead, we found the last room at a little motel, and were able to take a sail on Lake Geneva early the following morning, with just the captain sharing the boat. It was wonderful, and totally beyond anything I might have chosen.
We’ve had a lot of fun days like that. I hope there will be more in the future. I don’t remember my mother ever giving me advice on what to look for in a husband. Did yours? I suppose that’s a subject for another day.
If I had daughters, would I be able to say to them, “Don’t be afraid to fall in love with someone who is different.” Would I regret those words? Maybe. Maybe not.

I had my 2006 mammogram yesterday. I believe that every woman 40 and older should be tested once a year. At one point doctors talked about doing the test every other year, but ultimately they returned to the once a year schedule for the best diagnostic coverage.
My oldest niece developed breast cancer last year. She has had extensive surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, and we’re hoping for the best. A mammogram is an unpleasant test, but it’s well worth it to get early warning if you’re developing cancer.
We changed health care providers this year. I switched from one major hospital affiliate, to a completely different hospital system. I got to my appointment, filled out the information, and went in for the test. It was significantly different. This time I was compressed TEN TIMES! I thought she’d never finish. I was getting really tired of being pushed and pulled and grasped, and of course, now I’m worried that she saw something she wanted to highlight on the films.
If I’m fortunate and dodge the bullet, I may go back to the previous site where I had mammograms done. You can bet that I won’t be going back to THIS site. If nothing else, I’ll go to the hospital to have my mammogram done.
I apologize if I’ve frightened someone who is getting ready for their first mammogram. The test is bearable. You can get through it. I did, but I think it could have been done better. If you have any concerns, ask one of the women in your family, or a friend, for a referral to someone they trust.
By the end of the month, I should get a copy of the report. Just why is it that the doc gets them in five days, and it takes them ten days to tell me about my own body???