I was visiting at Dr. D’s and saw a link to a post by Dominatrix at the Tower of Babel. She was writing about the difficulty a successful working woman has in finding a husband. She’s figured out that she needs to find a self-confident man who won’t be threatened by her success. Do you have a list of requirements in a mate?
When I was a kid, I expected that I would marry tall & dark, and if he was also handsome, that was a bonus. I come from a very tall family, and Dad had black hair, so my expectations came from what I knew. When I married the first time, my husband was just two inches taller than I, and his light brown hair was already disappearing. Our marriage didn’t fail because he didn’t meet my girlish expectations; it failed because we were unable to communicate.
So…..should I have had a grocery list of what I was shopping for in a mate? Should I have determined his fiscal responsibility, his five and ten year plans, his vocation and avocations, religion, education, family? What about his ability to speak to me of hopes and fears, his health, or his plans for children? What about sex….does he have fetishes, or is he so conservative that we will die of boredom?? Can he allow me freedom, or is he jealous or manipulative?
I think you have to whittle your list down to the items that you can’t live without, because it’s unlikely you will find your dream man. If you find that he has some of the “extras,” so much the better. My advice to you is that you shouldn’t assume a mate will compromise with you, or change to suit your wishes or needs. If you can’t find the right man where you live, then expand your search area. If you are willing to move, then consider looking for a mate on-line. I know an incredible number of couples who met on-line, and I’m beginning to think the anonymity we have as we first chat may be a healthy thing. We talk about things in depth that it would take much longer to get to face to face.
When I was divorced, I swore I wouldn’t marry again. It took three years before DH caught my attention, and what caught me was his sense of humor.
Who knew??? Add it to your list of essential qualities! *S*

Boooooooooo Hoooooooooo
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is coming to an end. Not that I watched it or anything…..
Here are 10 one liners we won’t forget, courtesy of the Chicago Tribune, Arts & Entertainment Section, Sunday, May 18, 2003:
1. “Comfy? I’m chained in a bathtub drinkin’ pig’s blood from a novelty mug. Doesn’t rank huge in the Zagat’s guide.” –Spike
2. “She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?”–Spike
3. “We’re drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffemakers that think.”–Riley
4. “Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons.”–Giles (THIS IS MY PERSONAL FAV!)
5. “You’re not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you?”–Giles
6. “We can’t run. That would be wrong. Could we hide?”–Willow
7. “Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn’t make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint.”–Buffy
8. “You don’t just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make a noise when you walk. You…stomp. Or yodel.”–Buffy
9. “Eww! Why is it that every conversation you poeple have has the word ‘corpse’ in it?–Cordelia
10. “I don’t like vampires. I’m going to take a stand and say they are not good.”–Xander
There you have it…..the highlights of seven years of screen time! Kinda makes you wonder how they became a cult favorite.
I suppose this is the appropriate place to tell how I came to be called “Buffy.” About four years ago I decided that I was going to enter the life of on-line chatting. The very first obstacle I faced was the need for a nickname to get into the chatroom. You got it……in the background “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” was playing, and I borrowed her name. At the time it seemed reasonable. I had no idea that so many people would come to know me as “Buffy.” I am as unlike Sarah Michelle Gellar as a woman could be, but she provided a lot of cover, and some very stupid one liners, during my chatting days. I finally got tired of the masquerade and fessed up to being a “mature suburban matron” *G* but the name stuck. I truly envy those of you who are quick witted and can come up with repartee for every situation. Maybe if I associate with you a little of it will rub off. Until then…..”Hi! I’m Buffy!”

Did you ever have to dissect something in biology class? As I recall, we had to cut up dead worms. Our biology teacher should NEVER have been allowed near kids. He took pleasure in making the weakest of us squirm and was vindictive and sarcastic. He managed to rise to the level of Principal, so he could affect larger numbers of students. 🙁 I suppose that we were lucky that we only had to work on worms. If we had had to cut up a frog, I would have been kicked out of school for refusing to do it.
I was pondering just why we need to disect things. I realize that the hope is that we will understand more thoroughly with a first hand experience, rather than merely reading about it. But most of us aren’t ever going to see the inside of a worm again. The closest most of us get to frogs once we leave school, will be running them over with the car. So, WHY do we waste so many days playing with sharp knives?
It occured to me that I might have been able to protest having to disect anything. Of course, that wasn’t done in the middle ages, but if I had been pushed into cutting up a frog, I might have tried it. I wonder if a kid has done just that somewhere, creating a precident?
We could accomplish the same learning experience with latex models which could be assembled and disassembled. Since the models are reusible, the cost for class supplies would go down. The knives could be kept locked away and the school’s insurance bill would go down. And, consciencious objectors would have nothing to complain about!
I vote that disection be limited to science and medical classes and butchers, and not required of high school students.

I’ve been thinking about wedding rings lately. I’ve been married twice, so I have a spare. When I was divorced, I chose to put mine away. I know that some women throw them away, some pawn them, and some have them reset. I didn’t reset mine because even reset, it would have reminded me of times I prefer to put behind me. Besides, that diamond had already been reset once. My ex took the diamond from a previous engagement and reset it for me. Enough is enough.
I was surfing, looking to see how other women (and men) had responded to this issue. You might enjoy this collection of replies to Dear Prudie.
When DH proposed to me, we went to my-sister-the-jeweler to order rings. I picked out a setting and she went to Chicago to get diamonds on consignment. She and her employees chose the diamond and had it set. When DH slipped the ring on my finger, I realized that my sister had put the diamond in the setting SHE liked, not in the one I chose. What the heck! The ring is beautiful. I refused to take it off. Besides, it gives me something to rib her about. She’ll be glad when my memory goes! lol
So…..did you throw yours into the ocean, or have it reset for a daughter? Did you melt it down and make a pendant out of it, or pawn it to fund a good time? Or have you been blessed and not had to think about this?

Have you ever stood before a mirror and practiced a look??
I think I’ve done this just once, preparing a smile for a photo shoot. But, I understand that it’s a pretty common thing. I wonder if young girls practice looks to lure boy friends, or if their 20 year old counterparts practice sensual looks to melt their lovers? Do BOYS practice looks in the mirror??? God….the thought must send teenage girls into gales of giggles.
Why do we need to practice a look? Is it to be sure that we are communicating correctly? Or are we putting our best foot forward? Or is it possible we really don’t know what we look like when we move our muscles?
Let’s see…..I think I have the “Lady Astor” look down pat. You know the one….where someone tilts her head back, raises one eyebrow, and looks down her nose at you?? I’ve got that one perfected. I learned it watching my Mother. I think I need a LOT of work on the “Sultry Siren” look. I can’t do it yet with out laughing, and it spoils the effect.
I’m gonna go off and think about other looks I need to practice on. I hope you all have a good night.

Wild Debauchery! Hedonism! Carousing! Don’t those words bring wonderful images to your mind? I see rippling muscles, rivulets of sweat, rumpled bed covers, an empty bottle of wine and two glasses, clothes strewn over the floor, and a candle burning down. I can’t begin to describe the sounds!
When did I turn away from a life of carousing to become a conservative suburban matron? What made me choose to become a housekeeper and a chauffeur rather than a hedonist? What made me give up wild debauchery and settle into office work? I could become famous if I had the answers and could warn people about veering off the path of pleasure!
I remember reading one of the last things Erma Bombeck wrote before she died.
She felt she would have lived a different life if she could do it over. She would have focused less on keeping a showplace of a house, and more on time spent loving her children and husband. Too many of us are rehearsing our lives rather than living them, and end up with the same regrets Erma had.
Then, there’s always the need to live up to your family’s expectations. I wish I could be the black sheep of the family. I could miss gatherings and forget birthdays and generally have a bad reputation. And I’d know that they’d all talk about me now and then, but it wouldn’t bother me in the least.
Do you suppose we are genetically disposed to be what we become, or is is our ennvironment that forms us? Nature vs. Nurture. I’ve never been able to decide which is the stronger influence. It feels to me that “nurture” was stronger, in leading me to the suburban matron role. So where was “nature” when my wild debauchery was waning away?? Wouldn’t you think the instinct for sex…..well….for procreation, would always be the strongest?
My husband is going to retire before I do. Unfortunately, I work for him, and I’ll be out a job when that time comes. My sister suggested that I put in some time managing a McDonald’s, but I have a better idea. I think I’ll take up phone sex. *G* I actually announced that to my mother. She just gave me one of “those” looks. I know she was wondering if they swapped babies at the hospital.

I don’t know about you, but I tend to think of myself as being rather anonymous. I have a large family and a circle of friends, but I live on the dividing line between two cities which together have a quarter million residents. I’m a small fish in a pretty good-sized pond. When I go out, I don’t expect to see anyone I know.
So my sense of anonymity was a little disrupted today as I read an article in the Chicago Tribune called “Data Tracks.” (http://www.chicagotribune.com/technology/chi-0305090364may11,1,2664836.story) I know that business and government have been able to track us for ages. I guess I’ve been fairly complacent about it, because I didn’t have anything to hide. But the amount of information being collected on us has increased exponentially.
We have something on Illinois tollways called I-pass. With it, you can drive through tollbooths without stopping, as it makes note of your car and the time, and deducts from your account. The record of your travels is not readily available, but it can be supoenaed in court cases.
When you use your phone, a record is kept of the time and the number called. As you walk in the city, security devices now film you using digital cameras. When you shop at large grocery stores , a list of your purchases and the day you shop is stored in their computers. Each time you use your charge card, the item, shop and date is kept. A withdrawal at an ATM causes MORE records to be entered, and a CTA card keeps track of your travels. If you use a car rather than public transportation, gas stations note where you have been. Libraries are tracking the interests of their users with computers, now. Both checks and credit cards track our spending.
We’ve all known that our personal information is out there on the web. I get calls or e-mails from companies who have researched my mortgage and want to entice me with a lower rate. My credit rating is available to anyone clever enough to request it. The federal government is putting everything on computer so that they can compare your taxes to the W2s and company pay records. State Unemployment divisions work with Social Security to be sure the appropriate name and number match contributions being made.
So….I guess I’m a rather public property these days. I hate to be paranoid, but I wonder how this might be used against me some day. Who needs all this data? Why are they saving it? I can understand L.L.Bean tracking my purchases, but it’s shocking when the local Chinese restaurant does the same thing.
And, having said all this, I doubt seriously there is any way for me to stop this tracking. Maybe I need to start riding my bike more, and pay strictly by cash….

Don’t you love old movies?? Tonight we went out to dinner and then came home to watch “The Thin Man,” and “The Return of the Thin Man.” While I like William Powell and Myrna Loy, I think Cary Grant is probably my favorite actor. Have you ever seen “I was a Male War Bride”?? I watched it so many times that I had the script memorized.
Fred is addicted to the Marx Brothers. We have all their movies on tape. I hope I never have to spend another New Year’s Eve watching the collected works of the Marx Brothers! *G*
A number of years ago the American Film Institute created several shows along the lines of The Best 100 American Films of the 20th Century. We watched, and for days discussed their choices and ranking. I was always unhappy that Sci-fi wasn’t adequately represented, but I was pleased to see how many times Katherine Hepburn’s movies were listed.
My all time favorite tear-jerker?? Probably “Out of Africa,” but “Ryan’s Daughter” runs a close second.
Fred bought me a DVD player for the table where I piece my quilts. I’ve purchased about 20 DVDs in the past 10 months, and the choices were really odd. Bruce Willis’s quirkiest movies are represented, with “Hudson Hawke” and “The Fifth Element.” “Miss Congeniality” and “Pretty Woman” are the chick flicks. “First Contact” from Star Trek is the only sci-fi so far. I have both the Harry Potter movies, and have just about worn out the first one! THe only war movie is “Bridge on the River Kwai.” Cary Grant shows up several times. “It Takes a Thief,” and “Charade” are two of them.
If you could only choose one movie to watch again and again, what would you pick?

It’s been a really long day, and I’m just about at the end of it. I had my nose to the grindstone in the office and have very little to show for it. The most irritating part of the day was waiting for people to return my calls so that I could get my work done.
By 1:00, I was working myself into a tizzy, and realized I needed a break, or I would make my family miserable, so I turned to my computer and browsed blogs.
Dr. D had written about ghosts, and it made me think of Dad. When I was younger, I believed that if ghosts couldn’t be proven scientifically, they didn’t exist. But I’ve had a change of heart. Now, I believe that there are worlds out there just beyond our consciousness, waiting for us to wake up and find them.
My Dad died 20 years and 9 days ago. I still miss him, although I no longer think of him every day. Perhaps it is the time of year that’s made me think of him recently.
My Dad was one of those fathers who are perfect in the eyes of their daughters. He was my rock. I could always count on him to be there for me, whether I was right or wrong. He would have supported me if I was right, and gently guided me if I was wrong, but he would have been by my side. I have three sisters, and each one of us is confident that “Dad loved ME the most!”
Dad had five major heart attacks, and a host of smaller ones he never knew he had. He hated doctors and chose not to go for help unless it was an emergency. He had an aortic aneurysm, and we lost him 10 days after it burst. The night he died tornadoes swept through Springfield. The entire world was in disarray. Horrible storms followed the tornadoes. On our way home, I had to pull off the road and park under the canopy of a bank drive-through to get out of a hail storm. The weather seemed totally fitting to me. After all, I was mourning the loss of my Dad. Why shouldn’t the world mourn too?
The next week was horrible. There were wakes in two states before my Dad was finally laid to rest. I though it would go on forever when I just wanted to be alone. It was then that I realized Dad was there. At first, I thought I might catch him if I turned to my right fast enough. It seemed he was standing just behind me, keeping an eye on things and reassuring me. Finally, I stopped trying to trip him up, and just accepted the comfort it brought me that he was near. It felt rather like he was standing beside me with his arm around my shoulders helping me through all that needed to be done.
I never talked with him. I didn’t see him. But, I know he was there. He was with me for five or six weeks, and then one day I realized he was gone. I kinda think he needed to stay to be sure that Mother was cared for, and that we were taking care of things.
Are there ghosts? I don’t know. Was my father with me? Yes. You have to decide for yourself what you believe.
One more thing….. My father was an exceptional man. I hope I’ll see him again one day. Dad……I love you.

Don’t you wish that you could go “cold turkey” when you diet? *G* You could just stop eating, and your problem would be solved. Eating is an addiction for me. I eat for comfort rather than to live, and now, I have to learn more reasonable eating habits. I want to loose weight for health reasons, for vanity, because I crave the love and approval of my peers and family (not really…..well, maybe SOME of them…*G*). For the most part, I want to loose weight to be healthy.
Desiree is starting a diet. I was visiting her blog and found a kindred spirit. We may go about the process a little differently though. I know that I need more exercise and less food. Once I have made those changes, I will start working on just what kind of food I’m eating.
Tonight, we had broiled salmon marinated in Italian dressing, steamed green beans with bacon, roasted red potatoes with Lipton Onion Soup mix, and strawberries. This meal wasn’t horrible, but there are a number of ways I could have improved it. I could have made my own merinade with less fat, or done without the merinade. I could have left the bacon off the beans. I could have had a baked potato with Molly McButter rather than the roasted potatoes with soup mix, and I could have left the sugar off the strawberries. And, I could have added a salad with crunchy veggies to that menu.
This is going to be a lifelong endeavor, but wish me luck as I start out.