My husband is addicted to puns. He likes the quick ones, the cheap shots. I like the long, drawn out ones that are a story with a pun as the pun-ch line, like "The beer that made Mill Famy Walk Us.
Here then, is a collection that came across my desk today. If you know who compiled these puns, please let me know. I'll be happy to give credit for the compilation.
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then
it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a
three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was
cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got
a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was
a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He
became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be
charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they
always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of
earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could
jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in
feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get
repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll
show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was
fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France,
resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never
developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a
mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she
thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done
Comments (10)
I love puns! Mine are usually off-the-cuff and situational, with nothing but the current context to draw them out. Those are harder to share because "you had to be there."
I remember one time at work years ago, we were all trading "Jesus puns." About a half-hour later, I wondered if we should ressurect them.
Posted by Texas T-bone | July 6, 2007 11:33 AM
Posted on July 6, 2007 11:33
T-bone......you and my husband would have quite the time, sitting and chatting and driving the rest of us crazy! *G*
Posted by buffy | July 6, 2007 12:32 PM
Posted on July 6, 2007 12:32
Big changes on your site. I like it.
Some of the puns are pretty cute too.
Posted by janet | July 6, 2007 1:59 PM
Posted on July 6, 2007 13:59
I like the long ones as well. I was told they were called "shaggy dog" stories. But I never heard the full tail. (true story, but couldn't resist the pun anyway)
One I have used as a means of describing a worker: "I love watching a slow worker, it's pure poverty in motion."
Later.
Posted by Wichi Dude | July 6, 2007 8:39 PM
Posted on July 6, 2007 20:39
I love these Buffy! That's quite a list...very funny.
Posted by Joy | July 7, 2007 12:01 AM
Posted on July 7, 2007 00:01
Thanks for the chuckle!
Posted by bogie | July 8, 2007 5:17 AM
Posted on July 8, 2007 05:17
Groan. Terrible puns. (Grin)
Posted by Adele | July 9, 2007 3:26 AM
Posted on July 9, 2007 03:26
I join Adele in groaning....You should know that I'm like the fruit flies.
Posted by Cop Car | July 10, 2007 8:32 PM
Posted on July 10, 2007 20:32
I'm so glad you all enjoyed this list of puns that goes on FOREVER! *G* I'm pleased to be of service!
Posted by buffy | July 11, 2007 12:07 AM
Posted on July 11, 2007 00:07
WichiDude, I'll have to share your "Poverty in Motion" quip with Dear Husband. As a business owner, he'll appreciate it. Thanks!
Posted by buffy | July 11, 2007 12:10 AM
Posted on July 11, 2007 00:10