This week, it was my duty to take my mother to visit her only nephew.....my only cousin. He was quite ill, and was being cared for in a nursing facility. He had asked to see her, twice, so we made the trip on Friday morning.
I bitterly regret that I had not kept in touch with him. I was shocked to see what the past eight or ten years had done to him. Communication was difficult. Emphasema had taken away his ability to project words. I talked to him about recent changes in our lives, and showed him a picture of my new granddaughter.
Our visit was brief, and I hoped to arrange a second visit when his wife or my sister (the nurse) were present, to help us understand what he was saying.
Unfortunately, my cousin passed away this morning.
He is the first of my generation to die. His passing is making us all reflect on the time we have left, and the things we have put off. We were about twenty years apart in age, and were not close, but still.....he was my only cousin. I wish I had made a greater effort to know him.
I'll always remember him for his ascerbic wit, for remarkable talent with a camera, for an intense interest in the family history and genealogy, for extensive knowledge about the petroleum industry, for his successful efforts to improve the quality of the fire department in our home town, and for raising incredibly smart children and grandchildren.
I hope he is trading cracks with St. Peter....free from the pain that has shrouded the last years of his life.
Comments (13)
I am sorry that your cousin has passed. It sounds like he was a wonderful person.
Posted by bogie | July 26, 2004 5:11 AM
Posted on July 26, 2004 05:11
Sad news Buffy.
But, you're right, he's in a better place now.
Sending you strength to tackle the days ahead.
xx
Posted by Blue Witch | July 27, 2004 7:23 AM
Posted on July 27, 2004 07:23
Thank you, ladies. I'll carry your support with me this week.
Posted by Buffy | July 27, 2004 11:40 AM
Posted on July 27, 2004 11:40
Ach, I'm never good with words at times like this so...
{{hug}}
Posted by a broad | July 27, 2004 1:37 PM
Posted on July 27, 2004 13:37
...with love...
Posted by billy | July 27, 2004 5:24 PM
Posted on July 27, 2004 17:24
Condolences to you and your mother, Buffy. It's particularly tough when death comes knocking at the door of one's own generation (family-wise). Warm thoughts.
Posted by Cop Car | July 28, 2004 1:59 AM
Posted on July 28, 2004 01:59
Oh Lord... I'm so sorry.
My Grandmother died two months ago from emphyzema. Its a cruel and heartless disease that forces pity of those who don't want ANY pity from anyone.
You and your mother will certainly be in my prayers, as well as for your cuosin and his family.
I went to see my grandmother a week before I left for London so that I could cut her hair. She sat hunched over so far that it was difficult to reach her head to cut the hair. She mas ashamed of the O2 tubing and started avoiding any type of life in the public, then got to where she could do little but watch tv or go to bed. Talking became a huge chore in the end and it was so awful because talking to her and listening to her stories was the only way she was able to live by that point... so she'd lived some sort of living death for about two months... which is so much better than what so many people get when they get emphyzema.
Posted by Kristi | July 28, 2004 4:30 PM
Posted on July 28, 2004 16:30
Ohhh sweetie I am so sorry to hear such sad news ~ I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers ~ I'm here if you need me even though we haven't talked in ages ~ you are in my thoughts daily ~ I miss ya!
Posted by Jamie | July 28, 2004 6:02 PM
Posted on July 28, 2004 18:02
Words fail me - thank you for reminding me about the importance of keeping in touch - keep in touch if there's anything we can do for you.
Posted by Essay | July 30, 2004 12:33 AM
Posted on July 30, 2004 00:33
A warm hug and a warm heart goes out to you, Buffy. Despite your sadness, let the regrets go. This post is a wonderful tribute to your cousin who you obviously cared about in your own special way.
Posted by Roberta | July 31, 2004 2:14 AM
Posted on July 31, 2004 02:14
Buffy, I am only just getting here. Let me add to the condolences above. I know how you feel, but it sounds as if his passing may have ended a lot of suffering. Take heart. Time is a wonderful healer and you will always dwell on the good memories even though you say that you were not close.
Posted by Dr. D. | July 31, 2004 1:25 PM
Posted on July 31, 2004 13:25
Not looking for pity here but words of wisdom and what to watch for and prepare for as my mother comes to the end. She was on O2 off and on for a long period of time but it became more frequent as the months wore on. Recently, she is on 3 liters 24/7 and can hardly do anything without very heavy breathing afterward. Just getting a cup of water will cause her huge oxygen deficit. What is the path of this ugly disease if someone can tell me. She had an echocardiogram today, a CT on her lungs for blood clots and they were all negative. So, I can only guess that this scary thing has jumped into high gear and will take her life very quickly now. Any thoughts and ideas will be appreciated.
Thank you for your help to all, Mark
Posted by Mark | October 13, 2004 10:29 PM
Posted on October 13, 2004 22:29
Mark, I so wish that I could provide more information for you. Unfortunately, I missed a lot of the steps that took place between the diagnosis and the end of my cousin's life. The only advice I can give you, is to spend as much time with her as you can, and talk with her about family memories. Perhaps you can bring photo albums to share, and ease her way through the end with as much love as possible.
Posted by Buffy | October 14, 2004 4:23 PM
Posted on October 14, 2004 16:23