Tonight on the news there was a story of a 14 year old boy who took a gun to school with him. In the past three weeks three children have been hit, and died, while walking on train tracks. Each of these children were old enough to know that what they were doing was both dangerous and a bad choice. Where did we stop insisting that our children make good choices?
At the end of the 1800s our goal was to educate our children though the eighth grade. Gradually over the following century that goal moved to a high school education for all. Then, those who could sought two years of college. By the 1960s it was common for students to assume a bachelor's degree was a necessity. In the 70s, colleges stretched a B.A. from four to five years of study, and then a Master's Degree became essential.
With each of these changes, young people were delayed from entering the workforce. A century ago, teenaged children in the working class, worked. Now we do our best to keep young people out of the economy by sending them through school.
The problem comes with the fact that we give them a great deal of freedom without requiring the responsibility that goes with it. We load them down with every new electronic device that comes along, and any DVD, CD or electronic game they want, but we don't teach them the basics of life.
Unfortunately, I know all too many teenagers who don't know how to wash their own clothes, or make a bed. They don't know how to plan a healthy meal or wash the dishes. They don't feel any obligation to assist around the house, and for many, school is a joke. If they want a new helmet for skateboarding they break the old one so that their parents have to buy a new one.
In an effort to give our children a better life than we had, we have short circuited an important part of the maturing process. It used to be that for every freedom they gained, equal responsibility followed. And when freedom was abused, or when it was clear that a child needed more guidance, those freedoms could be taken away. Kids were clear on what they needed to do to earn each step toward maturity, whether it was being allowed to walk home from school alone, or wearing lipstick, dating, going to movies without a parent, or staying out a little later on a weekend night.
Frequently I hear parents and children negotiating, and I'm not always sure the parent is in control.
So, we come back to the children I mentioned. One of the kids was killed when she used a forbidden cut through across the tracks behind her school. The railroad's lawyers claim the school was responsible for maintenence of the fence. The school claims the railroad was responsible. Students had been using the short cut over the tracks for years. In addition to criminal stupidity on the part of the railroad and the school, it seems that we could also look to parents who needed to know what their child was doing, who should have taken a stronger stand about right and wrong. And, we could also look to the community which must have known this was going on, and did nothing.
The boy carried a gun to school. What kind of parent keeps an unsecured gun around their children? If you live somewhere SO dangerous that you need to keep a gun available at all times, you need to move! If you feel the need to have guns present, you are obligated to teach your child about the dangers of guns, and their proper handling. And NO.....it isn't proper to take them to grade school.
Ultimately, I feel it's time that parents spend more quality time with their children. It's time to turn off the TV, to have dinner together at the table, to spend the evening working on homework, and to give them the guidance they so clearly need. It's also time to stop letting TV and movies teach our children about the "Real World," because, as adults, we all know that's the last place to look for the real world. Perhaps our children can't learn to be responsible until WE learn to be responsible.
It's time to save our babies.
Comments (4)
When we were a lot younger than those kids, we used to accompany our parents to JC meetings. Behind the building was a set of train track that trains used on a regular basis.
While it was still light out, we would go out and play bside and behind the building (it was a small town, safe for kids to play with no supervision. We were told to stay away from the track and we did.
Even at that age we understood that a train going 70 MPH (or whatever speed - very fast) would hurt us severely. We were more concerned what our parents would do to us if we were found on the tracks anyway!
Posted by bogie | March 19, 2004 7:12 AM
Posted on March 19, 2004 07:12
I so agree. I see children everyday in charge of the house. They tell their parents where and when they will be home instead of asking. I see small children hitting thier parents, and telling them no. I stand by and watch more in shock than anything. The other day my family and I went to breakfest and we were seated near a large family gathering. Here my children were sitting napkins on lap and talking whilst the children who were the same age as my youngest (7years) and younger, ran and played around ALL the tables. The kids pushed, screamed and moved from table to table. The parents did nothing, not even an apology. I wonder where these children will go in life if they cant even follow the simple rules.
Posted by LoisLane | March 19, 2004 12:21 PM
Posted on March 19, 2004 12:21
Boy did you ever hit the nail on the head!! I can't tell you how many times I hear from my kids that their friends get "everything" they want while my kids aren't so lucky. They have expectations and if those aren't met, their priveliges are shortened. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I do this right. I try to, but there are time that the kids DO win, much to my disgust. But by the same token, because I DO give in at times, they know that NO means NO when I dig in my heels. My parents didn't have to dig in their heels, though. If they said no, by god I didn't even roll my eyes because they would have been happy to deal with that problem as well. LOL
Posted by Kristi | March 20, 2004 1:26 AM
Posted on March 20, 2004 01:26
Thanks, ladies! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one thinking along these lines.
Posted by Buffy | March 21, 2004 3:26 PM
Posted on March 21, 2004 15:26