My friend, Buffalo, sent me two e-mails today. The first is a post that's been making the rounds for a year or more, purported to be Robin William's Plan for Peace. The second post was Buffalo's plan for peace. He was willing to let me repost those e-mails here, so I have my first guest blogger.
This is the first of the two posts:
You may have seen this before, but it bears repeating. Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan...what we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and issue the following message:
1. The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic and the rest of those 'good ole boys.' We will never "interfere" again.
2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one will ever sneak through holes in the fence again.
3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would surely welcome them.
4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5. No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get an "F" and it's back home baby.
6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will just have to cope for a while.
7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. About a week of the wells filling up their storage sites ought to be enough.
8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying ' Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"
And this is Buffalo's plan:
It's really very simple. We REactivate ten of those perfectly good B-52 bombers currently stationed near the desert in Tucson waiting to be DEactivated and DISassembled. Each bomber will be reconditioned for flight to the Mid-East and re-armed with its maximum payload of nuclear bombs. Five of the bombers will be "parked" in the air over Israel; the other five will be "parked" over Palestine. Then GDub, AH-nold or Julia Child can inform both nations that, in the event of one (1) more incident of Mid-East violence, regardless of how significant or insignificant the incident may be and regardless of which nation (Israel, Palestine, Cuba, Luxemburg...whoever) allegedly initiates the violence, the B-52 pilots will have standing orders to immediately arm and release their all of their nuclear bombs. In my (always) humble opinion, Israel and Palestine would instantly stop attacking each other and would become the foremost advocates for world peace. Moreover, Israel and Palestine would use their strongest efforts (short of violence) to persuade every other Mid-East nation (Iraq, Iran, North & South Korea, etc.) to immediately halt whatever violence they may be initiating. But, you say, what happens if violence continues after Israel and Palestine are mere radioactive memories?
It's really very simple. We REactivate ten more of those perfectly good B-52 bombers...eventually everbody will catch on.
Comments (2)
Already had the Robin Williams set, but, DANG, they BOTH appeal to me. Could work.
BTW, my info isn't being saved. Issues?
Posted by Wichi Dude | September 11, 2003 9:27 PM
Posted on September 11, 2003 21:27
I'm ok with most of that stuff, but I'd like to offer another viewpoint if I may.
Remember, Noriega was set up in power by the U.S. until he started to do stuff they didn't like. The same thing went for bin Laden, who was trained and bankrolled by the U.S. before he turned against them.
With regard to Hitler, Mussolini and Tojo, I'm sure that the rest of the world was thankful for U.S. help, late as it was in coming. Unfortunately, they wouldn't lift a hand to help until Pearl Harbour was bombed.
In fact, I heard that the U.S. was involved in supplying the Germans for awhile even after the war started, though I am not sure if its true.
Remember also that others sacrificed tons and tons to that war effort, such as the Russians and the Brits. Many millions of Russians died pushing the Huns back to Berlin, remember? That is how they got to seize half the city and how East Berlin came into existence?
U.S. troops are not posted all over the world simply for the protection of others, and in an altruistic manner, but also, in support of U.S. objectives in those regions. The U.S. would be best served to leave some of these troops in place so as to maintain power bases in what they consider trouble spots.
In fact, even though those emails were written in the tone that they were, I believe that if the rest of the world were to agree with all that was written, we'd have the mother of all fights trying to get the U.S. to stick to the agreement, because the U.S, is there mostly to further their own interests.
You know what? I think that any other nation would pursue their own interests as well, so I am not holding that against the U.S., but I wish they wouldn't try to make out like they're doing it all for us, because we might then feel that they were insulting the intelligence of people of all other nations...
As to the student thing, if the U.S. were to go ahead and lock their borders, the peoples of the Third World would probably try to go to Europe instead and the European nations would then benefit from the influx of the brightest minds, etc. that immigrants bring. Maybe the other nations would reduce their trade with the U.S. too, and switch that to Europe as well. Only, that might lead to America's fall, economically and militarily, over a period of time... Bummer. :-(
I'm just saying... :-)
Posted by Mad Bull | September 14, 2003 7:39 PM
Posted on September 14, 2003 19:39