I was browsing blogs this afternoon, and came across Acidman's comments about love. There were a couple of his statements I was thinking about challenging, but my mind went off on a tangent before I got there. Go see what he had to say, and don't nag him about being mushy.
In 1970, the movie "Love Story" was released. It was a HUGE hit. Everyone I knew saw it multiple times, and there were posters and t-shirts everywhere. The famous line that comes from the movie is "Love is never having to say you're sorry." Horse hockey! (Seems to be the trend for the week....piled deeper and higher.)
I didn't understand that line at the time, and I still don't understand it. It seems to me that if you have done something less than noble in your relationship, you NEED to be saying that you are sorry. When you make a committment to another person, whether it's pledging your troth, or simply saying "I love you," you are proclaiming that how they feel matters to you.
There are going to be times when you screw up, and you can't just kick the mess under the rug and go on. You have to face up to your errors, admit them, and say "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, and I'll never do that again" would be even better.
We are not static in our lives. There is never a point we reach where we stop evolving or maturing. Each year adds a perspective that didn't exist the prior year, and sometimes those changes are going to bring us into conflict with those we love. And sometimes we do things that hurt them. It takes a big person to say they are sorry, especially when they are sincere.
I worry about growing apart, and I've been told that I worry too much. It's natural for the people in a relationship to diverge some as they mature, but my concern has to do with how much diversion a relationship can bear. Can love continue when common ground has evaporated?
One of the things Acidman said that resonated with me was "You can love someone without doting on them. Sometimes you have to love from a distance." Perhaps that's the nature of some relationships.....the "if you love them, let them go" theory. I wonder if the secret to a 70 year marriage is that each of the partners has their own interests, or is it common ground that keeps them together?
As you can see, I don't have the answers. I know what I hope they are, but you'll have to check back in a few decades to see if I ever figured it out.
One thing I can tell you is the the movie "Love Story" sucks pond water! I avoid all things Ryan O'Neil, now.
Comments (5)
Such a great column. I can only assume there are no comments so far cause 'there's nothing to argue with here.' Hub and I have been married a very long time. The kids were important and after that we found other common interests. The day we started messin' with computers the fight was on. "What are you doin'? That's not right." But the new interest sparked a new passion and we had fun while we learned about them. After that there was a green house and the ongoing debate about how to grow tomatoes. I think, after the kids are gone, it's important to find new common interests that both feel passionate about. Right now we're making homemade rhubarb wine and attempting other new projects. We kid each other, we vehemently disagree, but we love each other and remain passionate about life (and our latest project). And when grandchildren come to visit they add to the mix their own little 'sparkle dust' of special joy with their funny stories and antics. Life is pretty darned good.
Posted by Roberta | July 21, 2003 9:30 AM
Posted on July 21, 2003 09:30
There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying one is sorry. In fact, we probably don't say it enough thanks to our ego. We all do things (usually unintentionally) that might hurt a loved one. Recognizing it, apologizing for it, and not repeating it is what adds to the mix in creating a strong bond.
Posted by Sgt Hook | July 21, 2003 12:22 PM
Posted on July 21, 2003 12:22
Roberta, it sounds like you and Hub have the secret to making it to one of those 70 year marriages. It's always nice to be allowed a glimpse of a loving relationship like yours. Thanks!
Sgt. Hook, It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way. *S*
Posted by Buffy | July 21, 2003 3:58 PM
Posted on July 21, 2003 15:58
You are right here, but just for arguements sake, saying you love someone, in the so called "grand old days", that said I'm sorry and I love you were one in the same!!! However, I believe if you truely love someone, saying the words "I'm sorry" are important to get past the pain and "heal". Another phrase I've never understood is, "Love is beside the point". Now mind you, in my world of hard knocks, it is true, but not because it was "the love of one's heart of a life time" which makes it beside the point ~ it just means ~ one or the other if not both don't love each other enough to move past the hard times. Like Roberta stated earlier ~ GREAT post!!!! Hard to argue with!!
Posted by Jamie | July 23, 2003 4:28 AM
Posted on July 23, 2003 04:28
I've never heard someone say "Love is beside the point." I most likely would have snorted in derision at them for saying something so inane!
Posted by Buffy | July 23, 2003 9:42 AM
Posted on July 23, 2003 09:42