Arrrgh!!!

I am so low maintenance my husband takes longer to get ready to go somewhere, that goes for the beauty department.

I don't demand coffee in bed, but it sure would be nice, he does make it most mornings when we are occupying the same space, which by the way has been non-existent of late.

I do ask him to dish out my ice cream when it's hard as a rock, that more from the lack of my ability to do it, not expecting him to do it.

Those are just the first things that came to mind, may come back with some other things as they come to me. This would make a great meme, but I hate those and don't participate, is that low maintence too.?

We have a few HM students at our school. My definition includes someone that needs to be tapped into you emotionally all the time. Someone that can't be content to sit silently in the same room with you from time to time. Someone that must have your attention at the very beginning of an event, throughout the event - especially if someone else seems to be holding your attention a little too much - and at the end of the event there must be a florish upon the exit. Someone who is high maintenance holds you hostage with their anger. Their high and low emotions are about what YOU do TO them. They are the 20% that you spend 80% of your time with. You know that you've been in the presence of a HM person when, after they leave, you need some quiet time to regroup. They wear you out and can suck you dry if you don't establish boundries for your relationship. They more boundaries, they more irritable they are

You live with a person who can be very HM. But you already knew that.

i think you covered it there nan.

Janet, I don't think having your husband dish your ice cream makes you high maintenance! *G* I think it's loving of him to help you out when you're having a bad day. I'm sure he will be there for you, should scooping ice cream be an activity you have to give up one day.

Nan....it's the emotional demand, and demand on your time that makes someone HM, then, right? I know that you will find this odd, but I never gave a thought to my personal situation. There are days it frustrates me, and days when I don't give it any thought.

Bod, Nan is VERY thorough!

Nan.....does this mean I shouldn't interrupt you when you're reading this Sunday?? *G*

I'm so low maintenance it isn't funny. My husband always used to joke at what a cheap date I was. Hmmm, maybe I should have raised the bar when I had the chance; God knows it only goes down hill after that.

I KNEW that you'd say that!!! Maybe I'm being selfish and HM when I read in the morning at your house instead of jabbering given how short our time is!! I read in the morning because most people are ready for conversation quite yet.

I didn't answer your first question though. I think Ben would say that I can be very HM at times and at others, too disengaged. When I need his attention, I'm not shy about getting it. When we read together, I do not interrupt his reading unless he is demonstrating an interest in conversation. That's when I switch my reading from books to magazines - they're more "interuptable". (He just wandered through the room . . . his first answer was "No, you're not HM", but when I told him what I just wrote he agreed that somedays I really tap into him and other days I can't been nailed down long enough to talk to.) This is very much a picture of my personality and I suspect other people would say the same. Is that good or bad? Balance, balance. Ooohhhmmmmm . . . .

OOps "are NOT ready for conversation . . "

Nan provides a much better definition of high maintenance than I can:

"You know that you've been in the presence of a HM person when, after they leave, you need some quiet time to regroup. They wear you out and can suck you dry if you don't establish boundries for your relationship."

Now, can she please give hints on how to draw those boundaries!

Joy, I'm the same. At least, I THINK I am. It seems that Dear Husband may not totally agree. Perhaps I should just remind him what life with his ex-wife was like....

Maybe we HAVE missed missed out on something by being too comfortable. Drat!!

Nan, you know I was teasing. I'm terrible about interrupting Dear Husband's reading, and I couldn't seem to keep quiet on Sunday, either. I'm sure you're right. I'd try harder if we were together more.

It occurs to me that it's not always possible for another person to understand the dynamics of a marriage other than their own. I mean, in a successful marriage, you compromise and make adjustments that suit the two of you. It's possible that what would drive me crazy, doesn't bother you at all, so each of us has to create their own definition of "High Maintenance."

I seriously doubt I could deal with a spouse who lives up to your definition of HM, though!

Blue Witch, I bet she can. After all, it's part of what she does for a living. I'll send her an e-mail and ask if she might have the time to expand on those thoughts at her blog, Just My Opinion.

We talked about creating boundaries with HM people, but honestly I have to give it thought to put it in words what I do. What comes to mind immediately is that you have to be willing to accept the fact that the HM won't like it and WILL let you know about it. I do think it requires the ability to not let their complaints make me feel guilty. That takes some effort for someone who is a people pleaser. I'll give this more thought and comment more fully in my blog.

Hmmm, I think I need to think about this a bit more.

I certainly live with an HM person. He is fascinated in fashion and what he should wear. We spend HOURS looking for clothes for him and when I announce that we need to look for an outfit for me (i.e for his niece's wedding) we get sidetracked to look at something for him in the menswear department first. Then there's the difficulty on concentrating on anything when he's around as he talks whether I'm reading, listening to music or watching tv. But then he's not nearly as HM as my mother or several female relatives of my mother's and grandmother's generations who I grew up with. I learnt very early what a true HM person can be. And he is kind and doesn't try to manipulate me for his own ends, so I do my best to accept him as he is.

Am I HM? Sometimes. But hopefully not in a way that causes pain or irritation to others.