This morning, when I was so eager to get outside and play in the dirt, I had to stop to pull together information for a meeting. Dear Husband and I wrote our wills in 1992. Since then, there have been changes in the estate laws, and we have been advised to consider revocable trusts. The lawyer sent a letter with a list of the information she needs to move forward.
I was plugging away, typing out names and addresses of executors, trustees and beneficiaries, when it came to the question of specific bequests. We have three generations living here. We've combined three households, and created a "Yours, Mine, and Ours" situation. I walked to the living room to take a brief visual inventory, and realized that this was the most difficult, most personal, part of the information request. While you're talking about "assets" and "executors" it's just business, but when you have to think about where you want treasures to go, it becomes very personal.
You can't know if the person you leave the item to will love it as much as you did. It's possible that they want something of yours as a memento, but not THAT. Or, maybe they don't want anything at all. For instance, my quilting stash is becoming an amazing collection of fabric. I'm not sure that any one person in my family has room for it, or even wants it. Should my family decide they don't have room for it, I hope my bee members will offer to take it.
It made me crazy for a bit, trying to think about just what should go into that list of bequests, and I think that I need more time to make decisions. I know that the trust can be amended easily, so I'm going to go for the broadest strokes, and provide more detail later.
If you've been a visitor here, then you know that we lost Dear Husband's oldest son at the start of 2006. His passing, at 41, has made me more conscious of how fleeting life is, and the need to be prepared, so that our loved ones don't have to suffer through the legalities of probate. It's difficult, but I'll rest easier knowing that there is less for my family to do. And, hopefully, I'll get the bequests right.
Comments (9)
What you're doing is such a positive action, as difficult as it may seem. But then, you know that and understand how important such advance planning can be. Such a wonderful gift to loved ones.
My first visit to your blog and love the quilt pattern. Reminds me of my mother's quilts which she pieced and quilted ever so many years ago.
I also have a number of quilt tops waiting to be put together. Likely won't happen in my lifetime as I've never quilted. So what to do with those? I can't bring myself to part with them just yet.
Yes, those are some of the other items occupying space as they await my disposition. At Cop Car's, I think you and I realized we might share an "accumulation issue" when I acknowledged I, too, have some unused fabric that's been around "for a few years."
My sympathy with the family loss earlier this year of someone dear, especially at such a young age.
Posted by joared | April 10, 2006 1:34 AM
Posted on April 10, 2006 01:34
Buffy & joared: It's about time you two got together! Each of you has accumulated wisdom beyond your years.
Buffy: How good of you to go into the bequests. Wouldn't it help a lot if each of your prospective heirs could take the time to consider what of your "things" they would really appreciate having? I need to prod Dudette, Bogie, and Wonderful GrandDaughter in that direction! (I did a lousy job of distributing "things" when my mother died--not taking the time to ask people what they wanted before making distribution. I can only blame my having been in shock.) You are doing it right!
Posted by Cop Car | April 10, 2006 8:49 AM
Posted on April 10, 2006 08:49
Thank you for the lovely comments, joared. I love the term "advance planning." Everything we're doing will now go under that banner. It seems less disturbing to give it a positive name like that.
About the quilt tops.... IF they are already pieced together and are waiting for quilting, you can hire people to hand or machine quilt. Cop Car and I can give you advice on that. If the tops are not yet assembled, that's a bit more difficult, but still doable. If you really want these quilts done, now is the time to do them, so that you can enjoy them.
Or...if you've used fragile fabrics, or fabrics from a previous generation's fabrics, you might want to put a back on them, and use them as a decorative table cloth. There's so many things you could do with the blocks that there isn't enough space here to write about them. We'll have to talk. *S*
Thanks for stopping by!
Posted by buffy | April 10, 2006 8:50 AM
Posted on April 10, 2006 08:50
Well, I'll certainly give it the old college try, Cop Car. My daily prayer has changed to "Please, Lord, give me the time to get it all down on paper." I should live to be very old if I get my wish. *G*
I'm going to visit joared's blog now, and then start working on Easter preparations!
Posted by buffy | April 10, 2006 1:04 PM
Posted on April 10, 2006 13:04
Well, I WAS going to visit joared's blog, but I'm having trouble finding it. Do you blog, joared?? If you do, would you send me the address, please?
Posted by buffy | April 10, 2006 1:09 PM
Posted on April 10, 2006 13:09
My will has been on my computer since 2001 and is not done for I got stuck on the specific bequests also. But in order to avoid the fights and stealing that went on when my parent's died, I have to do it.
With you combined households, I advise you do it. If you have to ask who wants what, then go ahead and ask.
I figure if my bennies want to trade, they can. If they don't like what they get, they can sell it. I won't be around so it won't matter to me.
Posted by Susan | April 10, 2006 6:55 PM
Posted on April 10, 2006 18:55
Susan, the lawyer had GREAT news yesterday. We do the basic will/trust thing, and I can add a paper later that lists specific beneficiaries, or specific bequests. It gives me coverage of the trust now, and a little time to work on the bequests.
Get your will DONE, girl! You can still hash out the gifts after the will is in place.
Yes, a combined household makes it REALLY important to get this done, and I hope that by being specific concerning bequests that I can keep the squabbling to a limit.
As an afterthought.....maybe I should tell everyone that when I'm talking about bequests..we're not talking about $$.....It's my quilts...my fabric babies that I'm concerned about! I bet you all have been thinking I'm loaded....when it's far from the truth! *G*
All this uproar over quilts.......
Posted by buffy | April 11, 2006 11:19 AM
Posted on April 11, 2006 11:19
Now that I know you're not loaded with $$ not much point in spending my time here! :-) I am just kidding, of course.
Those quilts are, indeed, very special. Just hope that they're appreciated as much by their next owners as by they are by you, or at least that's what I think about.
Thanks for the suggestions about the quilt top covers I have, which are pieced together. Not sure when I'll get to them on the priority list of things to do, but will certainly keep in mind what you said, which is pretty much what my Mom had talked with me about some years ago.
No, I don't have a blog, instead have been dropping a few comments here and there with all of you who so generously have made me feel so welcome in the community. Can appreciate all the time and effort each blogger devotes to their blog, so especially want to thank you for the pleasure and enjoyment I'm deriving from my visits.
Posted by joared | April 12, 2006 12:22 AM
Posted on April 12, 2006 00:22
Maybe I shouldn't tell all, joared. Dear Husband is resigned to my telling everyone every thought in my head. He has a point. Perhaps I should work at being a woman of mystery.....(fog creeping in.....eerie music playing in the back round.)
Thanks for visiting, joared. I hope you find the time to get your mother's quilt tops finished. What a treasure you have.
Let us know when you get bitten by the blogging bug. I'll be happy to visit.
Posted by buffy | April 12, 2006 1:20 AM
Posted on April 12, 2006 01:20