Arrrgh!!!

"I agree with Trollope's advice, but I think his caution should have been not to let others color your opinion of yourself."

But was that not what he *was* saying?

I first learnt about not judging people on their (current) job from the husband of a friend from years ago - he had a Masters in computing, a PhD in geology, and worked as a postman. Because, he said, it gave him brainspace to think about all sorts of things.

Pleased that you got something thought-provoking from that quote though :)

Thank you, Blue Witch. I hope that was what Trollope was suggesting.

Have you, in your work, ever met someone who thought he was projecting one image, when actually he projected something quite different? I think a portion of society does this, perhaps because they aren't sufficiently socialized.

I wonder about men who say "I'll never understand women." Do women present such a confusing image to men? I know a lot of forthright women who say what they think, but I hear about confusion between the sexes all the time. Is this a case of not projecting the right image? Or is it cultural miscuing?

There are two problems, from my experience: 1) women believe too much of what men say, and 2) men believe too little of what women say. It's really quite frustrating!

As to misperceptions by people at work. An engineer returned to work for The Little Airplane Company after an absence of some years. We were delighted--I, especially, since he would be in my organization. Much to my chagrin, the man had not kept up his technical skills, much less furthered them in the intervening years. As I worked hard at providing constant feed-back to my people as to their performance, I was flat out amazed at his one-year performance review when he rated himself as being at the top of the heap. In reality, I had to develop a "recovery plan" for him to remain in his position. He chose to retire, rather than update his skills. A loss to him and to the company. I don't know whether he didn't believe what I had been telling him throughout the year, or whether my communication skills just were not up to the challenge of going against his internal image of his skills. Sad. : (

Yes, that IS sad. What a lost to the company, and a personal loss for the man. I'm aware that science based companies have to deal with the constant flow of information to keep up to date. I'm surprised that he forgot that.

Most likely while your friend HEARD your words, he just didn't realize how they applied to him, and the need to update. There have been times, sometimes YEARS later, when something that was said to me finally clicked. I'd like to think that I'm usually reasonably sharp about conversations, but the truth is, we all process information at our own rate, and that one conversation took a long time to settle in and be absorbed.

It's been easily 18 years since I had a secretarial course. And probably seven or eight since I took classes on the Microsoft Office Suite. No doubt it's time to take refresher courses, or go further with accounting classes. I have at least nine years left in the workforce, so the improvement would be used.

Isn't it interesting where some conversations lead us? *S*

I never understand the male/female distinction at all. Perhaps it's just the people I socialise with, but there are bigger differences between most women and me and most men and me. But, I do agree that many people aren't aware of the image they are projecting... because each person views another in the light of their own culture, experiences, and, often, assumed stereotypes.

Best not to judge at all really.
Easy to say, very hard to do.

As for courses... if my experience is anythinhg to go by, the quality is not what it used to be. Maybe that's why people need refreshing more these days - because they weren't taught properly in the first place?

"there are bigger differences between most women and me and most men and me"

Sorry, that should say, "there are bigger differences between most women and me than between most men and me."

"the quality is not what it used to be." BW...Perhaps that is why I am loath to go back to school. Independent study would be infinitely preferable.

About your corrected comment...

I felt the same in my twenties, thirties and into my forties. By the time I hit my fifties, I started to understand women better, and empathize more with them. I really enjoy the company of men, but I'm finding a pleasure in female friends that I missed when I was younger. Perhaps my goals have changed as I've matured. I'm no longer in a competitive field that was male dominated, and my addiction to quilting brings me more in contact with women.