I was talking with Dear Husband about something that has been taking place when we host my family at major holidays. My sisters, and their adult daughters bring "bread and butter" gifts. There's nothing wrong with bread and butter gifts, but it seems as though the cost of these gifts has been rising steadily over the years.
Where someone might have brought a jar of something they had canned, or a candle, or a pot holder, now the gifts are getting up scale. At Thanksgiving, I received a beautiful bowl painted with a country style pumpkin design, a chocolate dipping pot, a jar of gourmet chocolate and two pound cakes, a pot with three of the most gorgeous poinsettias, and a gift basket with five or six items for Mexican appetizers and hot chocolate. And, my niece who was in an accident sent the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I've ever seen.
Has there been an announcement I missed that has stepped up the gift giving?
I routinely take gifts to my hostess. I'm sure there have been times when I missed, but generally, I try to show my appreciation for having been invited with a small gift. I'm concerned about this increase in the size or quality of the gift. Is this just a reflection of our stage of life, where we can afford to give more?
Dear Husband suggested that my family was just trying to show me how much they enjoy celebrating at our house. He went a step further and said that perhaps they were showing their love for me. How can I argue with that??
So...I guess I'm going to have to do a better job of shopping before we go visiting.
Comments (10)
yes, i see both points of view here. i'm sure your family are just appreciating you but yes things do seem to have stepped up a little. i don't think it's a matter of if you can afford to give more as sticking to your original feelings. this is how i feel.
Posted by bod | December 2, 2005 4:01 AM
Posted on December 2, 2005 04:01
Can't help you - we don't give or receive gifts. We (read "I") help out with dishes if we go to someone else's, but there are no gifts involved.
Also, before we go over, I will call and ask if there is anything we can bring - which is usually a "no" (same for when we host a dinner).
Sorry - we are so out of it (as are our friends apparently), that we didn't get the original snail-mail that said that gifts were needed in the first place.
Posted by bogie | December 2, 2005 8:22 AM
Posted on December 2, 2005 08:22
I suspect what I find so odd about all this is that it's my FAMILY that is doing the gifting. I've always known about bread and butter gifts when you are invited to friends houses, but it seems incredibly formal to do it with your family.
And, these gifts are no longer in the range of "a good bottle of wine."
(shaking my head) Darned if I know. Thanks for weighing in, Bogie.
Posted by buffy | December 2, 2005 9:05 AM
Posted on December 2, 2005 09:05
Bod, is this a common practice in England?
Posted by buffy | December 2, 2005 9:06 AM
Posted on December 2, 2005 09:06
Buffy--Evidently I have failed to school my family that they should take expensive B&B gifts when visiting friends and/or family. For me, personally, the joy that I get from a person's presence is more than enough recompense. I understand if a friend brings a little something (your example of a home-canned goody is perfect!), and I sometimes take such small tokens with me. However, I think that the trend that you are seeing is just another example of inflation of expectations. No matter what else one thinks of Martha Stewart, she and her ilk have made us feel guilty if we don't rise to their evident expectations. Phooey!
That's the sort of thing that made me swear off of celebrating Christmas, at all, in 1977. It isn't worth the price to our mental health to constantly strive for unreasonable goals in unimportant areas. Don't get me wrong. I don't feel that it is unimportant for us to treat one another nicely and thoughtfully; but, artificial expectations should have no place in our relationships with family and friends. Bah! Humbug!
Posted by Cop Car | December 2, 2005 9:18 AM
Posted on December 2, 2005 09:18
I must have been playing to my audience, because I expected your support! *G*
"...the joy that I get from a person's presence is more than enough recompense." Cop Car....I feel exactly the same. I knew that we would be in tune on this issue.
I think it's lovely to give a token of appreciation when you've been invited to someone's home for dinner, but enough is enough. Martha....bad form!!
Posted by buffy | December 2, 2005 9:56 AM
Posted on December 2, 2005 09:56
I think that something you've made is much nicer than something you've bought. it show's you've taken time, not just grabbed something off a shelf in a store.
And Cop Car's last para - I agree 200%!
Posted by Blue Witch | December 2, 2005 10:56 AM
Posted on December 2, 2005 10:56
I have such mixed feelings come the holidays. I remember big family gatherings; my dad, grandfather, and asundry uncles all playing some musical instrument until the house fairly bounced. Sometimes I get so nostalgic about those times, I forget to be happy about the present.
Everything now is so "expected" and scripted. I have been trying to make my kids understand it is all right to cease with the mad and expensive gift giving, with little success.
Posted by Cowtown Pattie | December 2, 2005 11:16 AM
Posted on December 2, 2005 11:16
We're at that same point, Pattie. I was delighted to see my stepdaughter post that now they had a daughter, they didn't expect to receive gifts. Of course, we'll give them gifts, but maybe this is the time to start cutting back and making Christmas more reasonable.
My wish list had books and candles and DVDs. I'd be happy to get a thoughtful Christmas card. Our expectations have led us to miss the entire message of Christmas, and I know that I'm in good company when I say that.
Posted by buffy | December 2, 2005 2:19 PM
Posted on December 2, 2005 14:19
It looks like we are all of one mind here, BW. *S*
Posted by buffy | December 2, 2005 2:21 PM
Posted on December 2, 2005 14:21