Arrrgh!!!

In a way, I have come to fit this situation. Although I'm not trademarked, I've become synonymous with an activity in my family (other than quilting.)

I've taken care of my mother for the past 18 years or so. She has lived with us for sixteen years, and we moved her to an apartment next to ours for two years prior to that.

Now that my oldest sister has reached retirement age, her children are beginning to think about the fact that someone may need to care for her one day. (Actually, I think it's likely that she is going to run full steam until the day she simply drops in her tracks. She is not a woman who will suffer a lingering death. She wouldn't have the time for it!)

She told me recently that her children call caring for an aging parent "Doing an Aunt Buffy." I wasn't sure whether to be flattered, or not. Actually, it should be called "Doing an Aunt Charlotte."

My father's sister, Charlotte, never married. She led an active life as a college administrator, and when her parents retired, she cared for them. I'd never given any thought to how closely my life paralleled my aunt's life. While I've married, I've never had children, so it seemed that I was the logical member of our family to take this responsibility.

I often wonder how my siblings think about it. Do they feel that it was my obligation, since I had no children to raise? Or, are they just happy that someone was available to take on the duty? It's hard to tell. My oldest sister says that I've earned my halo many times over. We'll have to see about that.

Dear Husband made it possible for me to care for my mother. He built a house that could shelter not only the three of us, but one of his kids, too. I feel that we have made a mistake by breaking up the extended family. I know everyone jokes about the Waltons, with their "Good Night, Jim Bob," but there's a lot to be gained from having more than two generations under one roof.

It isn't always easy. Youngsters don't always understand why their grand or great-grandparents are grumpy. And oldsters don't always hear what's going on around them and feel isolated. But, what better place to learn about people and how they age, than at home? We assume that our parents and grandparents and great-grandparents will always be there for us to chat with, and then they're gone, and all the history and information they could have shared is gone, too.

My mother is the last of her generation. She is the last person we could go to for history about her family and my father's family. When my generation dies, most of my mother and father's history will die with us. I have a sense of self that comes from my family history, just as I have a sense of self from the religious upbringing I was given as a child. Those things anchor me in the world. What does the next generation, and the one following that, use for an anchor, if they don't have contact with their ancestors?

I suppose I've wandered here, but coming back to topic, I hope that you have the opportunity one day to "Do an Aunt Buffy." It's not an easy job, but trust me, it's well worth it.