Arrrgh!!!

I keep coming across the phrase "scoring points" in reference to relationships. The most recent of these was on an A0L page featuring John Gray, the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Apparently, part of his approach to improved relationships has to do with recognizing that women and men have different methods of assigning value to romantic overtures.

I have no problem with that. What I mind is the term "scoring points." That particular term has a very negative connotation to me. It makes me think of one upmanship, and competition, and that doesn't jive with my particular view of a loving relationship.

I realize that to score points, you have to have done something nice for your partner, and that's the only reassuring aspect of this philosophy. I worry about a relationship where a person is thinking "Have I scored enough points today?"
That seems calculating to me, and lacking in love.

In all fairness, I know that the author developed this approach for long term relationships which were in trouble, but it seems that young people may believe that this is how every relationship is managed. Will they come to believe that accounting is necessary for every action, or lack of action?

I can see it now. "I washed your clothes, paid the bills, made dinner AND washed the dishes. Now...by my accounting, that brings me to a total of 5,280 points. Twenty more points and I get the MINK!!!" Or conversely, "I got the oil changed in YOUR car, picked up the dry cleaning, took your mother to dinner, AND brought you flowers for no reason at all. I figure that entitles me to _____________(insert sex act of your choice). See what I mean?

It's just too calculating. We should do these things a) because they need to be done, and b) because we know that our significant others will be happy they've been accomplished, NOT because we will get something in return for doing them. Sex should be shared lovingly, and not meted out as a reward.

I think Mr. Gray needs to find another phrase to use