Arrrgh!!!

I thought I'd start small on the things inside. I made up a short list.

Detour.....last year when we were getting ready for DH's daughter's wedding, I had a list that was three pages long, single spaced. I still have the list on the computer, and it's crossed my mind to haul it out and revise it, but what I think I'll do is keep the original list, and start a second with the things that didn't get done. Right now that list would have been overwhelming, so I created the short list. These are things that have been bothering me that I can do without assistance. On that list:

Ironing I'm firmly a permanent press person in this part of my life, but when we got ready for vacation, some 100% cotton things ended up in our wardrobe, and they needed to be pressed before being put away. I thought I had them all done, and then I found three more of DH's shirts that have to be pressed. (sigh) At least it won't take me ages to finish these up, and I can do them as I watch "Monk" tonight. I pressed napkins and mats for the table, too.

Cleaning out the area below the kitchen sink Years ago I put contact paper down to protect the wood floor of the sink cabinet, and it needed to be replaced. Of course, when I pulled it up, adhesive stayed behind. The job is done and fresh paper is in place. And while I was at it, I papered the drawer below the ovens.

Cleaning out the mudroom pantry I got a start on it this morning. The floor, and the bottom shelf have been cleaned and reorganized. The rest will be done either this afternoon or this weekend.

I boxed up all the gifts from Hawaii and mailed them off. I can see the top of my dresser now!

I weeded about 90% of the east driveway garden, and planted some annuals. I still have five plants left that need to be dug in, and I have to mulch the bed and add Preen, but I'm well on my way toward getting the east garden in shape.

As I watered today, I made a note of dozens of things I need to do in the gardens around the sidewalk. I have to cut back stalks from daylilies, and top the lilies. Flowers need deadheading, and I have to repot some petunias for my mother. And....we bought a rose that I plan to winter over in the garage, so I have plenty of "dirty" work to do.

Okay......all this represents a small part of my life. In addition to being the housekeeper and gardener, I'm also the person responsible for caring for my mother, and driving her to her appointments. And, I am the office for my husband's company. I have more than enough to fill my time.

But....I'm struggling with the fact that all these things which need to be done are of such little consequence. I fill my days with things that can be done by rote, because SOMEBODY has to do them. It's not very satisfying. Or....it's not satisfying enough.

This is just one more form of playing "ostrich." A wise woman would be going to to functions, volunteering her services, finding activities that are satisfying, or even making friends and arranging to "do" lunch.

Instead....I'm home all day long. I'm fairly certain that I am not agoraphobic, so what is keeping me from a more fulfilling life? Maybe there is more introspection in making lists than I realized.....