Last week I received a package from my youngest sister. It contained a movie, an article that she wanted me to read, and some recipes. That package was the jumping off point for several thoughts I want to blog about.
Today’s thoughts are on the subject of how I communicate with my siblings.

First, I have four siblings….two older sisters, an older brother and a younger sister. My youngest sister is nineteen years younger than my oldest sister, and I am halfway between them in age. It’s almost as though my parents had two separate families, with me wavering between the two.
As an adult, I find that I keep in contact with the oldest and youngest sisters, and contact the other two infrequently. My siblings are all incredibly busy people. They are the kind of people you go to when you want to get something done, because they will take on your problem, and solve it with dispatch, to go onto the next issue on their list.
Compared to them, my life is rather quiet. I’m busy, but the things I do are all focused within the walls of my home, while they are all outer directed. I am the only one fortunate (or unfortunate) to have an office at home. I quilt, so most of my time is spent at home, working on my projects. In January and February I’m likely to be found shopping for fabric, but the rest of the time I tend to be at home working on my quilts. I garden, and so do they, so we all retreat to our own gardens to work. I care for Mother, so a lot of my time is spent chauffeuring her to her appointments.
If I have news, I share it with them. And if my life is quiet, as it usually is, I tend to leave them alone. I started a Yahoo Group for our extended family so that those of us who are on the computer can keep in touch, but most of them choose not to send mail over the computer. I let them know how Mother is doing, and let them know if we will be away.
I realized recently that I leave it to my youngest sister to call me. I think I’ve always assumed that she was too busy, what with two teen aged daughters and a more than full time job, to have me call every time I thought of her. I figured I’d either get the answering machine, or I’d reach her when she was too busy for my call. I frequently realize too late in the evening that I wanted to call. So, I’ve left it to her to do all the calling. This might not be a problem, but I know that her husband would like us to share the expense of the calls. Even more than that, I think she would like the assurance that our communication is not one way.
It’s too easy to fall into comfortable patterns and not realize that you might be creating a problem. My mother has spent years telling us that my brother is a busy man, so it’s okay that she (and we) don’t hear from him frequently. It’s true; he’s very busy. He owns his own company, and has been on the leadership team of a nationwide electrical organization. We were coached by Mother to excuse the fact that we have not kept in touch because of the demands of his work.
A number of years ago, I discovered that he was upset because we felt he was too busy for us. He doesn’t do chit-chat well. If I call him during the day, I need to keep my call brief but if I really need his input he’s there for me. For less important things, I leave messages on the computer that he can read when he has the time.
What this all comes down to is that the telephone works both ways. I could easily pick it up, to say “Hi!” and ask how things are going. Just because my siblings are busy is not an acceptable reason for not keeping in touch. Perhaps I need to make an appointment in my Day Timer for regular calls to my family, until it becomes a habit to pick up the phone.
I have no idea how other adults communicate with their siblings. I wonder if keeping in contact (or NOT keeping in contact) is something that is fostered when you are young? As I get older I wonder more and more about the nature vs. nurture aspect of our lives.
At any rate, time is passing. It’s a good idea to be in touch now, while we can.