{"id":1355,"date":"2008-01-21T19:45:24","date_gmt":"2008-01-22T02:45:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/to_be_posted_ve\/"},"modified":"2008-01-21T19:45:24","modified_gmt":"2008-01-22T02:45:24","slug":"to_be_posted_ve","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/to_be_posted_ve\/","title":{"rendered":"For the Dogs and Cats in our Lives"},"content":{"rendered":"

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height:
\nDear Dogs and Cats,
\nThe dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
\nThe other dishes are mine and contain my food.
\nPlease note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
\nThe stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack
\nBeating me to the bottom is not the object.
\nTripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
\nI cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
\nI am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
\nDogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
\nIt is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
\nI also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
\nFor the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
\nIf by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.
\nI must exit through the same door I entered.
\nAlso, I have been using the bathroom for years — canine or feline attendance is not required.
\nThe proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!
\nTo pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
\nTo All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: <\/strong>
\n1. They live here. You don’t.
\n2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That’s why they call it “fur”niture.)
\n3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
\n4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he\/she is an adopted son\/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly. <\/strong>
\nGentle readers: I have no idea who wrote this e-mail, but he or she definitely knows my cat, and the dogs from my earlier life. I’d be happy to give the author credit for a post that made me grin in recognition.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height: Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1355"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1355"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1355\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1355"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1355"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.redeaglespirit.com\/arrrgh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1355"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}