I don’t care for the term EX-husband. I have one of them, and I prefer to refer to him as my “former” husband. I guess that makes DH the “latter’ husband. I supposed I could call Mr. Former “the JERK,” but I’ve tried to play nice in public.
Anyway, today I was thinking about the fact that I have EX-relatives. My brother and his FORMER wife divorced, and it put me in a difficult position. I like the woman he was married to, the mother of his children, and I like the woman he IS married to. It’s very difficult to know just what to do about it.
I tried to keep in touch with his former wife, and found that was uncomfortable. I wondered if she felt I was a reminder of all that had happened, and it occured to me that perhaps I was hurting her by keeping in touch.
And, my present sister-in-law may see my relationship to the former Mrs. as being a slap in the face.
What to do….what to do? Are we supposed to close ranks and support our siblings, no matter what they do? Does that mean we cease recognizing the parent of our nieces and nephews?
I wonder if Emily Post has written about this. Perhaps I need to surf on “Divorce Manners.”
I have to admit, when my former husband kept in touch with one of my sisters, it really ticked me off at first. Then I realized it was probably a good idea to have a conduit, and I worked at letting the matter drop. I wonder if I put my siblings in the same position I’m in now?
Duh….
Never let it be said that I think on my feet….
Arrrgh!!!
It's just my state of mind!
Being an adult is a pain, especially these days! All I know is that true friends are hard to come by.
You not only think well on your feet, but on your blog (couldn’t resist). Fortunately, when HH and I parted, we made a pact that no one would ever have to choose between us. His folks blamed him for the divorce (leaving his relatives and me free to maintain loving relationships) and my folks blamed me for the divorce (leaving him free to maintain loving relationships), at our requests. Sometimes, I’m sure, that people had to swallow hard to maintain the good will–but–they all succeded so marvelously that when we remarried years later, everyone was overjoyed. Wish all partings could be that way (or not have to take place at all, which I’m sure we would all have enjoyed even more!)
How lovely that you managed to avoid most of the angst a divorce brings an extended family! I wish it had been the same here. I liked my parents-in-law and they cut me cold when their son and I divorced.
Robin, thanks for stopping by. I agree. I think it’s hard to find true friends these days, but the Internet seems to have made it a tad easier.
Cop Car and HH did manage to have a very civilized parting while maintaining relations with the in-laws.
We have only two out-laws (the opposite of in-laws right?) One, no one liked anyway and we just tolerated him because he was married to WS’s Sister. So no one wanted to keep in touch anyway.
The other, also previously married to WS’s sister, was, and still is, a beloved member of the family – he and his present wife even get invited to holiday get-togethers.
Hmm, guess I’m no help because everyone just seems too darned civilized within our circle of relatives!
You have an amazing family, Bogie!
Gad! As painful as our “civilized” parting was on members of our family (mostly, of course, Bogie and Dudette), I cannot imagine the effect of an acrimonious parting. Gives me the chills to even think about it! Good luck, Buffy.