My mother passed away on Thursday evening at 11:00. We were fortunate to have had a visit on Wednesday evening when she was unusually alert. My brother and two of my sisters and I gathered with Elegante Mother’s pastor, and we reminisced about our days with EM. Mother seemed to be pleased to be the center of all this attention, and she held my brother’s hand all evening.
When it was time to go, her face registered the “Where are you all going?” look, and I heard in my head the plea, “I want to go too!!” It’s been dreadfully difficult to leave her each time I’ve visited. I felt she needed to be with me, but I know my siblings were right to arrange for her to be in the care of a 24/7 caregiver. By the way, that caregiver was a gift from God! We could not possibly have found a better person to care for EM.
Thursday morning, we began our visits, coming in ones and twos to stay for an hour or so, but EM was so soundly asleep, and struggling so greatly to breathe, that we ultimately left her in the care of the Hospice staff. Just after we’d gone to bed, my oldest sister called to say that Elegante Mother was at peace.
My youngest sister and I began planning EM’s funeral about a month ago. I followed through, finishing up the details, and she returned to help me choose flowers and arrange for a luncheon. There was another visit with Pastor to share our thoughts and memories of EM, and another gazillion details to be organized.
My mother had an exceptional eye for color. When she lived near Branson, Missouri, she took lessons in painting, and eventually those artistic abilities morphed into quilting. While she had an appreciation for all colors, her favorite was RED! She loved all the shades of red, but she liked Christmas red the best, the clear, bright, happy color we first meet when we open a box of crayons.
To honor Elegante Mother, as we held her visitation, many of us chose to wear red. We have quite a large family, and many of them participated in the visitation, welcoming friends, and throughout the room you could see every shade of red, in every type of garment, right down to shoes and up to hats! I warned friends who contacted me via computer that they shouldn’t be shocked by the red, that we were celebrating EM’s life, and friends began arriving in red. Despite our terrible sense of loss, we are confident that Mother is at peace, and we let our friends and all the red buoy us up and carry us through a difficult time.
Today, we started with an hour of visitation at the church for those who could not be there yesterday, immediately followed by the funeral. Pastor had clearly listened to what we had said and pulled together an elegant paean to Mother’s life and the lessons that could be learned from it. He incorporated the scriptures we chose, with the music she had requested, and blended it together in a loving remembrance of a very special woman. My youngest sister stood to deliver, brilliantly, an amazing eulogy which she had written.
Following the trip to the cemetery, we invited all who knew her to join us for lunch, and it was an incredible meal. We purposely tempted them, because we have all been on light rations for a few days, seeing to Mother’s needs. Those who thought they might not be able to eat, rediscovered their appetites. Everyone left sated, from food and companionship, support, and an eased heart from having shared their stories of Elegante Mother.
So, we are starting that trek that we all follow after loosing a loved one. My mother has left an incredible hole in the lives of inumerable people, not just within her family. Many of my online friends have met EM, and then there are the Red Hat Ladies, the exercise class, the Empty Nesters, her doctor and dermatologist and optometrist, the ladies of the salon, and the people at the grocery store, at the pharmacy, and on, and on, and on…..
Mom…..I’m so glad you’re at peace.