Ice Queen

"I think she's going to be the one to melt that heart of ice you've got, Ms. Ice Queen, and break down that wall you've built around it"
"No way, not a chance anyone could do that!"
"I'll bet you $20.00 she does"
"you're on"

So went a conversation between Sandi and I a few days later, M and I had seen each other every day since the night in the previous post, but I was determined...as only a femme...and a Scorpio one at that...can be :wink.

But determination or no, the heart tends to have a mind of it's own, the more time I spent around her, the more I could feel that ice starting to crack...no matter how hard I fought it. :errrr

(*Edited to add* I did tell M about this convo. and she did tell me that it was her intention to do that!)

More time goes by, my kids return home to Oklahoma, and we go out to the bar to meet with Sandi and Beth...we're having a great time, talking and laughing, hanging out, when Sandi leans over to me and says "Love looks very good on you" :confused11

I asked her if it was that obvious, since, until that moment I had admitted it to no one, not even myself, I was in love and that thought scared the hell out of me! She told me it was obvious to anyone who looked at me that I was :wtf
how the hell did THAT happen?!?!?!

So the next day, I'm talking to Sandi on-line, and ask her if she thinks a letter would be to corny, since I am pretty much a gutless wonder when it comes to admitting things in person, and have this major fear of rejection...but I still want to tell her...crazy, yes, I may be, but I did...

So I wrote the letter, at work that day :lol, and went to see her that afternoon at work, was going to give it to her before I left but chickened out...same thing the next day...it wasn't until the 2nd day after I wrote it that I finally gave it to her, and that was only because I had just woken up, and called her back in the room before she left for work :rofl

To say fear had ahold of me would be putting it mildly, until I got to work all I could think of was that I might never see her again, then convincing myself that it would be better to know now than later down the line...

I get to work, and have a voice message waiting for me, from her, telling me she feels the same way but prefers to show it rather than say it also...thank the goddess for private cubicles because I could not hold it together any longer...

I think 'puddle princess' was the new nickname Sandi dubbed me with...and yes, I still owe her that $20.00 :rofl

little things

You know the old saying, "it's the little things"?
I've realized how very true that is in the last several months...

It was a long time since I'd actually 'lived' with someone, over three years in fact, (best friends not included in that of course, you know what I mean!) and of course, past history will tell you that it was anything but a good experience :lol

I'm having a very hard time getting used to these 'little things', I'm not used to someone doing them just because...it's almost like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I'm finding it hard not to slip back into old patterns, at times I find myself doing just that, until I remind myself that this time is so very different, and I don't need to be afraid...I can be myself and that's okay...
and now that I have that off my chest, wedding updates will be posted soon! I promise!!