You can tell we're in between paychecks when ...
• We use a lot of bowls because all there is for dinner is cereal.
• The dog (a 50-pound Border collie) can sleep in the food pantry because it's empty.
• Butter is a luxury item.
• We're outta money!
OK, so it's not that dire. I get paid every other week and the Petite Filet gets paid once a month, the last week. The problem is that some of our heftiest expenses are carried by my mid-month paycheck. While it's not a lot, nor is it a little, our bills scarf it like a hungry shark gnaws on a ham-scented surfer. The bowl thing was fairly true this week, as much because of our dwindling funds as our hectic schedules lately.
So I went shopping yesterday on my day off. To Wal-Mart, Home of Low Prices and Lots of Good Good Times. Bought a ton of food and half a ton of sundries. I also bought a new beard and mustache trimmer. I'd replaced the battery in it a few years back, but seeing as it was more than 10 years old it was time to upgrade after it died this week. I can now corral my goat a bit better and also indulge in a bit of creative facial hair when the mood strikes.
I tell you about that purchase because the Dreaded Shoplifter Beeper of Doom caught me at the exit. I paid for all my purchases, but the trimmer had one of those alarm doodads in the box that wasn't property deactivited during my self-scanning. So the greeter lady stopped me politely and scanned my receipt. She sent me out the door with a smile. Now, all of this wouldn't really be worthy of a mention except that ...
She had really long fingernails. Not just slightly long. But not nearly as long as the nails of the woman pictured, either. I'd say they protruded no less than two inches past the ends of her fingers. I bet she:
• Gets them caught in the car door by accident.
• Has difficulty with certain hygenic issues that follow certain bodily functions.
• Has finally kicked that nose-picking habit after some painful relapses.
• Can scratch her own back more easily than most people.
• Can no longer play marbles.
• Had to give up the piano.
• Can measure out teaspoons of ingredients for recipes with her nails (5 tsps at once, 10 if she's real talented).
• Can pick single items off the salad bar at Western Sizzler without using utensils.
• Can kill flies without a swatter.
• Commands serious respect at her second job as school crossing guard.
• Gardens without a shovel.
• Can carefully roast marshmallows over an open fire without skewers.
I don't know why everyone knocks Walmart, or speaks as if going there were some sort of shirking embarrassment.
I proudly visit it every Saturday morning!
OMG..you have me in stitches. Measuring ingredients for recipes, euuwwww!!!
I don't understand how a) she thinks it's attractive or b) she can function without them being an annoyance
People are weird. 'Nuff said.
The fingernail lady, in the picture, lives in the Salt Lake City area. I've seen her driving her car around town. (Even that seems a little unsafe.) She's also been on a couple of national T.V. talk shows and claims to lead a pretty normal life. ???
Nasty, now that's jes nasty.
I have seen some women who must insist they get their money's worth at nail salons, and don't allow the tech to trim the overlong glue-ons.
Nasty.
"Dreaded Shoplifter Beeper of Doom"
this made me spew things from my face a little
I need to write more lists! I think that so often after visting your blog! Life sure is more fun with lists, isn't it?
Did you see the Wal-Mart should burn in hell documentary? It was just so sad. I really can't help myself from going there though. My regularly $5.00 box of 100 calorie snack popcorn is $2.50 at Wal-Mart. How can I not go there? The low low low price list goes on and on. I feel so dirty and guilty at times though!