Texas conducts the United State's largest state fair every year, and we're going tomorrow. Besides the exhibits, the large auto show, the thrill rides, the limitless people-watching, there's the feast of feasts that goes hand in hand with any such festival, only bigger.
It's an Outer Limits for the tummy. Wait, shouldn't that be Inner Limits?? It's Cirque de Sogood. It's the Greatest Chow on Earth. And it's reason enough to immerse oneself in a vat of Alka Seltzer afterward. So, not wanting to indulge in the gastronomic pyrotechnics that can result, or ride the greased lightning that surely follows, I'm committed to NOT eating the following things at the fair:
1. Fried Coke. I'm told it's dough rolled in the soft drink and fried to a golden brown. Sounds kinda nasty.
2. Fried pralines. I'm not real nuts about pralines unfried. Why have pain without pleasure?
3. Fried Oreos. The famed cookie is harder to split and dip into milk once it's hit the fryer.
4. Fried Twinkies. Something cosmic happens when a Twinkie is battered and fried. Cosmic, as in it resembles something astronauts eat on the International Space Station.
5. Funnel cake. Wife who loves funnel cake + pregnancy=we'll be buying a funnel cake. Maybe two. I must not, will not eat one, too.
6. A foot-long corn dog. Egads, a normal corn dog is plenty o' lard on a stick for me! And the normal size is fair game.
7. A drippy barbecue sandwich. One year after the Petite Filet had one, she was so sick we almost missed the bus to the train station. Maybe we can blame our experiment with mass transit for the mixed results. Not having to drive to Dallas and pay for parking? Priceless. Having to share a bus seat with people who showered last in the Nixon era? Not so much. Also, lugging a large stroller around was not as cool as it should have been.
8. Fried cheesecake. Hmmm. I sense a theme here. Nearly everything is fried. How'd you guess? I'm not really "into" cheesecake (unless it's hanging on the wall of an auto-repair shop) that much anyhow. I'll skip it at the fair and maybe have cheesecake chimichangas at Taco Bueno some other time.
9. Water in the little cones. I'll drink plenty of water, trust me. But the little cones at the Ozarka display? Annoying! It takes something like 13 of them before you even start to beat back your thirst, and by then some annoying Ozarka salesperson tries to sell you a package deal where they'll come to your house and deliver water and your own personal cones. No thanks!
10. Fair nachos. No real reason I can think of.
The bright side is that that leaves the "normal" corndogs, the overpriced quesadillas, turkey legs, corn on a stick and those air-filled pineapple- or chocolate-flavored sugar cones. There's also usually a place that charges one coupon for an ice cream sandwich; that's good for ditching an oddball ticket you don't feel like keeping up with until next year.
Last year I had to "help" the Cutlet with his cone, because it was so hot it was dripping down his face and onto everything else before he could eat it. He got so mad at me when I licked the edges for him and handed it back. He has since forgiven me, and I have a feeling this time he won't need my help.
State fairs are fun!! I haven't been to one in ages.
Will this one have rides? The best is when you eat all of that junk and then you get one a ride that makes you nauseous...good times...
Don't forget the fried mac-n-cheese!
Also, if you get the chance, go see the needlework entries (I think they will be in the fiber arts bldg) . . . my good friend won second place in "original knitted design", and another friend of mine won third in the same category!
Have a blast! I hope you change you mind and eat a Fried Twinkie for me.
I had a bite of a fried Oreo at a fair about 5 years ago. I can still remember the taste. One bite is enough to last a lifetime.
If those turkey legs are anything like that have at the baseball park around here, they look big enough to feed a family of 4.
Have fun.
Cas
just think, if you came to Philly, you could enjoy a deep fried cheesesteak. I'm not making it up (I wish I were). It's no wonder we're the fattest city in the nation!
Thanks for a great idea for the long weekend! I live in Houston and have never been there.
We needed a safety statement at my job. I think this might be it.
I am holding out for the deep fried German chocolate cake myself...
I haven't been to the State Fair since...gosh 1968.
We're Fat Stock Show folks more than go-to-dallas-and-pay-good-cowtown-money-to-those-damn-yankees...
With that litany of food items, "gastronomic pyrotechnics" does not seem hyperbole.
Our state fair was in August. I had, as I always do, fried cheese. We get a choice of mozz or cheddar, and I chose, as I usually do, cheddar. Yummy!
If it's not fried and/or on a stick, then it doesn't belong at the fair, in my opinion. I saw on the fair menu that they also have fried avocados, which I have to admit sounds gross.
But I'm all about the fried Twinkie! During the TX/OU game yesterday, our "official" D.C. Texas Exes game-watching bar served us fair food -- corn dogs, Frito pie, BBQ sandwiches and fried Twinkies. It was almost as good as being there in person.
They ran out of corn dogs by the end of the first quarter, though. Hope they learned their lesson about feeding a bunch of Texans!
I heard on AM radio last week that one of the state fairs is now offering a Krispy Kreme doughnut sandwich. I can't imagine how many calories that would set ya back.
none of the fried stuff actually entices me. but funnel cake... that I can't resist. we're not going to the fair this year. went the last 3 out of 4 years... hope you had fun!
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