Lord, give me the strength not to kill any of them in the next hour.
The Petite Filet and I were charged with caring for seven 4-year-olds at church on Sunday. She – of the pregnant variety – and me – of the other-people's-kids-are-gross variety, reluctantly headed to their room after Sunday school. Happy heart. Happy heart. Happy heart. There were six girls and one boy. What some of you may have heard about girls (sugar, spice, etc.) is absolutely false. At least when they are 4.
Here's a breakdown of our experience:
• The volume is turned up to 11 at almost all times. There is no "inside voice" setting for 4-year-olds.
• At least one girl must have had a mental age of 79. She wanted everyone to leave her alone because she "needed to rest." To that end, she upended a toy box and hid under it for about 30 minutes. Any time someone messed with the box she threatened to spray them with a garden hose.
• It's quite a trauma if you're playing a card game and one of the girls tells you it's time to give up your cards. Tears and quivering bottom lip.
• Some little girls are just as physically aggressive as some little boys. Don't believe the hype. And putting a frilly dress on a girl does not tame the savage.
• This is something that, as a parent, I already knew: telling them one time is sometimes not enough. Sometimes it takes hundreds of times to get them to put away the thousands of toys that we ended up stepping on a ba-million times.
• Other people's kids can be gross, but not all of them are.
• Overall, loved and well-adjusted children are full of sweetness and trusting of (even temporary) authority figures. Between the drama, there were lots of hugs and smiles. And (oh! my back!) piggy-back rides.
Our very own Cutlet will turn 4 later this year (yikes! four!). Now we have a clearer picture of some of the things we'd like him not to be. And, of course, we'd like him to hold on to the sweetness he has now.
On a final note, in honor of the second-annual BlogHer conference this past weekend in San Francisco, I offer up plans for Manblog Symposium 2007. Location: In the woods. Seminar topics: Podcasting bodily noises, posting pictures of half-naked chicks, toilet humor through the ages, quizzes to avoid, taking back the Internet, daddy blogging, hunting and fishing trip recaps, beer: taste-test session, guitar gods of all time discussion, sports discussion, motorcycles: crotch-rocket or fat boy? and many more!
I think BlogHer is a neat concept – or at least fun trip for the ladies who went. Some of the best personal blogs I read are owned by wonderful women who have mastered the medium and, more important, share parts of themselves through brilliant writing. We guys could learn a few things from them, but of course we won't. Well, I've got to go for now. Where's my microphone? I feel a "podcast" coming on.
don'tcha just love other people's kids (cough, gag) yeah, me too. Especially when they are 4 and martians have taken over their bodies. Especially girls who make everythings so dramatic!! Yeah, wish I had been there (not). Aren't ya glad you're having another boy?
you need a girl!