The Misadventures of Macho Manley

2. T-bone buys a new tent for his overnight campout next weekend.
Macho Manley says tents are for wimps and plans to make an open-air sleeping spot out of gravel and a dead squirrel (for a pillow).

3. Macho Manley is so virile and testerone-infused that his mere breath can impregnate women.
Thankfully for T-bone, he has that effect only with the Petite Filet.

4. T-bone plans to clean and lube his bicycle before a group ride on Wednesday.
Macho Manley dips the bike and himself in a mud pit before it starts to intimidate the other riders.

5. T-bone picks up the slack with the household chores because of his wife's pregnancy/morning sickness.
Macho Manley sits around in his underwear, eating chips and bean dip and transforming the indoor air into something putrid and green.

6. T-bone researches family cars on the Internet to replace the family pickup, which won't easily accommodate an eventual family of four.
Macho Manley searches the Internet for a lift kit and 50-inch wheels to jack the thing up, plus maybe add some of those naked-lady mud flaps and a sticker that says, "My kid beat up your honor student."

7. T-bone leashes the dog and walks him around the neighborhood, waving to fellow residents and picking up Maxturds.
Macho Manley lets the dog loose out of the house right when two elderly women are out getting their morning papers, making them soil themselves when said dog jumps on and licks them. Then he laughs as the dog tears the newspapers to shreds and then takes a gigantic dump on their lawns.

8. When T-bone is thirsty, he has some water.
Macho Manley swills his third beer before noon and switches to whiskey by 3.

9. T-bone likes to read a good book.
Macho Manley is shocked at how the art of the "Penthouse Forum" immitates real life.

10. T-bone rarely uses profanity and is typically a good listener.
Macho Manley sounds like a sailor with a sore foot and doesn't realize the world doesn't revolve around him.