Everybody we know is pregnant, at least married women under 40 (my sister included), and so the inquisition begins. "When are you going to have another one?" people ask. "As soon as you start minding your own business," we'd like to say, but we don't. It's also tempting to say we may never have another child. But then we're subjected to people who think it's horrific to raise an "only" child.
In our Sunday school class alone (about 26 people/13 couples), there are three pregnant women. There'd be more except that two others recently had babies. Some of the pregnancies weren't exactly planned, and the catchphrase is usually, "Well, that's just God telling you you're not in control, and that you need another kid." Why sure, God is the one in control. But maybe he's just telling you to start using more effective birth control. Or better yet, to get another hobby.
The Cutlet, age 2 and just happy as a clam to be the only kid in our house, is adventurous, outgoing, loving, full of fun and humor, intelligent and rather good-looking (my biases aside, he's most of that). If he continues on that track as he grows up, he'll find it really easy to make friends. He won't ever be the "only" child. Maybe we'll choose to let other families raise the children he'll interact with (that would be cheaper, that's for sure). Kind of like what my uncle says about dogs: why not just make friends with a dogowner and let them scoop the poop while you get to have all the fun?
Please note that we know firsthand the benefit of having siblings. I'm the oldest of two, the PF is the oldest of three. There are wonderful lessons that can be taught in-house. But it's also not mandatory to get married and multiply; it's certainly not required to multiply more than once. And only children can be just as well-adjusted (maybe moreso) than a neighborhood of Brady Bunches.
This entire post could be just blowing smoke. Who knows? Maybe we'll feel ready to try for another. Maybe God will send us a message. Maybe we'll opt to adopt a child who needs love more than anything. I've seen stranger things happen. In the meantime, it's nobody's business but ours. I mean, it's such a personal question, and borders on invading the sanctum of our bedroom ... while we're naked for goodness sake. Get out!
Today on my normal Monday off from work, the Cutlet and I met the Petite Filet for lunch. In a few weeks, we're going to drive down to San Antonio to visit Sea World. Just me and my "perfect" little family, just the way we like it.
Three, for now at least, really is a magic number.
I really hate when other people try to tell you when it's time to have a child. My sons are 7 years apart, and that was not my choosing - that's what I got. I shed a tear or two on several occassions when I thought another was on the way.
And when people say those kind of things, they don't know if they're just being busybodies, or just plain hurtful.
Have your children - or child at your pace, no one else's.
Now, I think I'll get off my soapbox and go fix dinner.
pretty much all my college friends are onto having their second kid now and i'm just getting married.
when i was home, everyone started asking me when i was going to have a baby, if i was going to stay home or subject the child to day care. i know we'll have a baby but WHY all the pressure. maybe because 90% of couples have children. i know plenty of couples who don't have children and have great lives.
I remember when we were thinking about having another child. Part of me was so content with little Boogie that I didn't think I needed another child. I knew my husband really wanted another, but I just didn't want to share my time with another baby. Now that I have two, it really is true what they say that you really can love another one just as much. But I agree with you that if you're happy with one, and they have other children that they can play with, there's no need to have another child.
Only child here! I have to say, I enjoy being an only child. The only thing that bothers me now, is how I will deal with my parent(s) if one of them needs long term care. Or both. I'll handle it by myself, but my wonderful husband reminds me that he'll be right there with me. Have as many or as few as you want. Me, I have four. Two planned, two that God let get around TWO types of birth control, each time. Did I tick God off? ;) Just kidding! I did get a girl the last time, so it was worth it. As my husband says, "Praticing to have kids is the best part!"
Aacck, spelling. That is supposed to be "practicing." See what having kids has done to me??
When they ask: Sooo...when are you going to have the second?
I tell them: As soon as you promise to get up with him/her at night, feed, change, console, rock him/her because her/his nasty coughing fits just aren't settling down, her/his thrush is making her/his throat burn with pain, she/he has conjuctivitis and needs you to hold her/him 18 hrs./day, her/his molars are coming in now and he/she is in excruciating pain and isn't able to fall asleep, etc. etc. etc.
That's when.
My nephew Gordie turns 5 in November. He could count to 100 by ones and tens when he was 3. He's an only child, they don't want any more. They also plan on keeping him from kindergarten for one more year. That saddens me. They're going to have to explain to him why his little buddies are somewhere he isn't. Not to mention he'll be of legal age when he graduates high school, at almost 20. It's so selfish.
Three ROCKS! I enjoyed the heck out of it for 3 whole years, at which point Three became Four. 2 Parents 2 Children, no more.
Life need a complete reconfiguration....but it now works rather well this way as well.
However, gambling people we are not...so measures have been taken to ensure this family of four stays a family of four :)
Remember you are in control....take it at your own pace :)
People are idiots...what can I say?
My kids are 18 months apart and people had things to say about that, too! LOL!
My advice (not that you asked for it...)
Stick to "bottled water" for awhile. With all the preggy women around, there must be something in the water! {wink}
My sister and I have a large gap in age, and as someone who remembers being an only child and longing for a sister, I can tell you that my life really did feel incomplete until she came along! She's my best friend, we talk on the phone almost every day (she lives in DC) and I'm soooo glad that my parents decided to have more than just me!
On the other hand, I have a friend who fights with her brother like cats and dogs. It just goes to show you never can tell how things will turn out. Heck, having one kid is a crapshoot! It's all in God's hands.
Ok. My wife and I had been married for over 4 years before we decided to have a family. My mother asked constantly when we'd "make her a grandmother". She did this with my sister as well. Now it's 10 years later and what once was 2 has now become 5 and I couldn't be happier. But we did it at OUR pace and not because all of our friends were prego, too, or from being pressured by family. By the way, sometimes it really did seem like there was something in the water. :-)
And all the practicing was called "Scrimmage". LOL.
We have been married almost 3 years, so the questions have been coming hot and heavy lately. We are trying, but most people don't know (because we are dealing with infertility). It's getting harder to dodge their questions, but I'm still dodging. I usually make a joke or change the subject, play it off in some way. It's no fun, though. People should mind their own business.
As if you needed advice...
Do what feels right, mi amigo.
Tell everyone else to shove it...
It's soo personal -- if you wanted to be rude you could ask the inquirer all sorts of equally rude questions: why didn't YOU practice birth control, or why did you propogate, or more rude: why don't you decide to have liposuction or *insert your own ideas here*...
Often times people have reasons for not having kids... the physical reasons are painful to discuss, JEEEEZ... or maybe they've had unsuccessful pregnancies they don't want to share... or maybe, they just don't want to talk about it...
Good luck to you in expressing your feelings. If your life is full and happy, why the need for more babies? I just don't get some people.... You and PF are blessed with Cutlet, isn't that enough?