Heartache, a lighter note and a counterpoint

I think the guys who have hosted the kid TV show Blue's Clues (there have been at least two) must have been paid extremely well. Mainly because they will never get a woman to go out with them ever ever again.

The Petite Filet disagrees, saying that she finds my playtime with the Cutlet and willingness to care for him extremely attractive. Still, I think fatherly love and involvement is on a different plane than frolicking with a cartoon dog and singing silly songs (and wearing ridiculous-looking sweaters – see photo of "Joe" below). I know I'm not as cool as I think I am.

A counterpoint

The PF brought home a copy of Newsweek with the Judith Warner article on Mommy Madness. I was put off by her suggestion that the government needs to legislate the ability for mothers to have it all. She also asserts that life just costs too much and it's society's (or the government's) fault. She would like health insurance to be widely available to part-time workers, and she thinks tax credits and vouchers will make life less frantic.

None of us can have it all. Money doesn't bring joy and neither does the latest and greatest stuff. Neither do government subsidies. There is an opportunity cost to chasing a career at full steam, and one to parenthood as well. I agree that most fathers give daddyhood a bad name; I'm no saint but I can't imagine not wanting to lend a hand and be a big part of the Cutlet's maturity. No amount of finger-wagging is going to make men understand how much their children need them.

It is often difficult to live on one income. It was painfully hard for us to stay afloat on my paycheck while the PF stayed home with our son for 18 months. But we made the choice because it was the best decision we could make. We are already harvesting the fruitful bounty of that choice.

Life costs too much because many of us are driving cars we can't afford and living in homes beyond our means. And we've often filled those overblown homes with overpriced stuff we don't really need. Our personal stumbling block is credit card debt, collected during those 18 months, and now is equal to the price of a midsize sedan. None of the purchases were extravagant, and most could be classifed "emergencies." Nonetheless, we're standing in a big hole now.

Warner's article does pose a reflective mirror to some of us, but polishing the mirror only makes our obstacles become clearer. Whatever political, religious, societal, familial eras shaped our views, the reality is that's all mumbo jumbo compared to the crushing reality. We can choose to try to do it all and perform everything badly, or choose to focus on what's really important. That may mean driving an old car and living in an old house. It may mean shopping sales. At the risk of cramping a resume, intelligent, loving, well-adjusted, ambitious children may be the result. Gee, is that so bad?

Many of my former bosses have been strong, intelligent women. Their choices have included pursuing only a career and some have become mothers as well. Some found balance; others found chaos. But it's what they decided to do. They have found out, sometimes the hard way, that nobody can have it all.

I don't have any of my own suggestions to solve the problems of life, other than to pray, love and live with the consequences. And we realize we actually have it all because we've made a choice to put our family first. The career ladder is worthless when you're grounded in that choice.