The inevitables of life: death, taxes, traffic and spam e-mails.
I'm not writing this (my second post of the day) to rant about spam. It's laughable now, like digital pollution but easier to clear out than the real kind. I figure if so many people are interested in my penis, and they are if the spam is any indication, I might as well talk about it. Turn back now if you are easily offended!
It is soooooo versatile, like the Swiss Army® knife of genitalia:
• Directional ability
I can write my name in snow (if there was any), put out small fires and, of course, do this standing up. Providing urine samples in doctors' offices is also quite the breezy affair. A restroom is as close as the nearest tree.
• Portability
It's so easy to carry around, I take it with me everywhere!
• Energy efficiency
Mine has the Goodhousekeeping Seal and is Energy Star rated. No batteries required. Mine is powered by the sun and hot, hot lovin'. And also water. Lots and lots of water.
• Effective
It need not be larger, longer, firmer or able to leap tall buildings. My wife has never complained. I am also a parent, so it "got the job done." Tacky, yes, but truthful.
• Neutral, like Switzerland
Although well past the voting age, it decided not to cast a ballot in the last presidential election because there were already enough weiners involved. Thankfully, it does not lean to the left or right, nor is it red or blue.
• An activist
It stands up for what it believes in, and has the balls to back up its position. No penis was hurt in the posting of this entry.
• Fun
I don't do this (I promise), but I could dress it in little outfits and have pornographic puppet shows. Really, who has the time?
• Useful
If I break a leg and am unable to walk, I could use it as a crutch to get me to the nearest hospital. If I'm unable to find my tape measure, I can use it instead because it's exactly ... come on, you didn't think I was going to tell you, did you?
• The Envy of All
Admit it, you want one. Too bad mine's taken.
There's more, but my energy has petered out.
I promise you, it's not a good idea to go around putting out fires with it. Trust me on this one, my husband did it once...once.
lmao wow i think i might have penis envy now
Oh my, T-Bone!
Haven't been around in a while and what do I see? You dickin' around!
Pulling your pud... Playing with your penis!
A Penis Post? Ha! Love the tie in to spam -- and the fact that so many are concerned about penis size.
Heeheehee!
Use it well, mi amigo!
ok...it might be fun to have one...for a day.
Nice one. (I'm talking about the post...er, blog entry.)
I am throwing tomatoes at my computer now! Thanks a LOT!
Just goes to show: "you can't keep a good man down." T-Bone, this is a humdinger of a post. *grin*
ROFLMAO!!!
But the part about dressing it up in little outfits to do a pornographic puppet show is a visual I really didn't need or want. These are the things that cause nightmares. LOL!