There are no such things as "new traditions" because a tradition isn't a tradition until it's old. But it's an often-enough used phrase that I'm sure it's considered correct in some literary corner (kind of like when people say "I could care less" and actually mean "I couldn't care less"). For this blog, "new tradition" will do just fine.
I wrote below that I need to focus more on what Christmas means from a Christian perspective. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the lights, sights, trees, music and other actual traditions associated with Yuletide. I love 'em, but some are wearing thin. So here's some suggestions for "new" traditions ...
• Who wants to see "The Nutcracker" again?
Gather your family and head out to the off-off-off-off-off Broadway musical production of "Splenda! Splenda! Splenda!" It's the heart-warming Christmas story of a Puerto Rican sugar-cane tycoon who disappoints his family by inventing a sugar substitute.
• Why are all these celebrity musicians releasing records filled with the same, tired holiday standbys?
Where's the originality? Hip-hoppers should come up with something from their perspectives; rich spoiled white-girl pop singers should do the same. That way we'd have "I Saw Mommy Kissing Gangsta Claus" and "Bratz Dolls Roasting on an Open Fire." And I've been waiting since the late '80s for "A Heavy Metal Christmas."
• Why do we keep putting up evergreen trees (real and fake) in our homes?
I'm thinking a Christmas cactus would be fun, as long as the needles don't pierce the light wires and spark a massive fire. Maybe a Christmas fern would work better. Or maybe a la Festivus, just a metal pole.
• Mistletoe is a parasite.
The smooch-spawning growth feeds off the lifeblood of others (usually trees), kind of like that relative who only calls to get a Christmas gift, or who comes to visit and doesn't know the meaning of "See Ya." I'm thinking a tea bag would be better, because at least we can drink tea and then kiss each other. Or maybe instead of sharing mouth cooties, we could just butt our heads together. The resulting pain would be similar to the feeling one can get when spending to much time with relatives.
My parents, while not pioneers by nature, specialize in having nontraditional food during holidays. They had barbecue for Thanksgiving, for example. But none of that is to be different, it's because my dad isn't a big fan of turkey. Or maybe he can't eat it for health reasons. I know broccoli is off his list, too, but he's not heartbroken about that. For me, I don't have a problem with the traditional food because I only get it once or twice a year.
Got any ideas for "new traditions" you'll celebrate this year?
I'm going to start the tradition of giving gifts made out of toilet rolls. Binoculars will be very popular, and then there's the periscope for the grown-ups. Those that have been really good to me this year may get their's filled with colored pebbles and some Seran-wrap taped to the end, making a very nice little kaleidoscope. If I throw a couple coats of paint on them, maybe no one will even notice how broke we really are. Merry Christmas!
hilarious! I needed a good laugh this afternoon!
Gangsta Claus is one of the funniest things i've heard in a long time.
By the way, i'm still pondering over your thoughtful email. Hopefully i'll be able to dig deep enough inside myself sometime this weekend and respond.
:)
My mother once decorated a 5 foot tall cactus in her living room. She couldn't be bothered with a tree. And we have city-chicken for Christmas. But that's tradition. :-)
City Chicken! I love city chicken....Ronda...where are you from? I didn't think anyone else in the world knew about city chiken :)
Sorry T-bone...I had to talk to Ronda for a moment.
Hmmm...new traditions...I will have to think on that one and get back to you :)
We're going to have steak for Christmas dinner!
Traditional or not....I just have to love Christmas.