With the fall television season upon us, those of us who do not have satellite or cable service to supplement the broadcast offerings will be treated to new episodes of old favorites and opportunities to hate new shows. We don’t watch a whole lot of TV in our house – I even told a regional vice president of one of the cable companies here that my family would be a hard sell. It just doesn’t fit into our lifestyle. It’s not because we’re doing anything more meaningful, though. I’m just too cheap and would rather be outside running around than inside watching my gut grow.
We also have only one TV in the house, and that automatically limits how many shows we can watch on any given day.
But still, there would be a few advantages to life if it was relegated to the confines of the typical situation comedy show:
1. Our most pressing problems could be solved in about half an hour (or about an hour for a two-part episode).
2. The audience would know when to laugh (either because they’ve been replaced by a laugh track or by flashing “laugh” signs above their live-studio-audience heads). They’d also know when things were about to get serious by the dramatic music that starts playing.
3. If I didn’t like how things were going, as star of the show I could simply fire the head writer and go in a different direction.
4. Meaningful dialogue could be reduced to poignant one-liners without a lot of hand-wringing and trying to find the right words.
5. When the going gets tough, we’d go to commercial.
6. When things get boring, I can invite an exciting up-and-coming guest star or a beloved entertainment veteran to spice things up for a few episodes.
7. I never have to worry about picking out clothes to wear or combing my own hair.
8. All my overweight idiot buddies with bad senses of humor and in possession of no manners will be married to beautiful, petite supermodels with 200+ IQs. Likewise, their wise-cracking kids will be good looking and intelligent, and always be dressed in the latest fashions, and have perfect hair and no pimples (unless an episode centers on that teen-angst delimma).
9. Despite my job as a convenience-store clerk, my family and I will live in a 5-bedroom home and I’ll drive a fancy new car. The wife will have a high-end minivan that remains clean inside and out at all times, despite the fact we have 3.2 children (who are apparently only badly behaved when the script calls for it).
10. Though series are eventually canceled, most never really die. The fans remember them, or they’re shown again and again and again in syndicated Rerun Purgatory.
Which sitcom, past or present, best describes your life?
I would have to say "Malcolm in the Middle" is a good description of the chaos in our house on any given day.
The King of Queens. Except it's my crazy old mother who lives in the basement.
Definitely Sex and the City describes my life the best!!
(snort)