Fry me a river

Some of the usual: gut-jostling midway rides, toothless carnies (mostly) haranguing you to try your luck at rigged tests of skill, a gigantic display of homespun crafts, one of the largest new-car displays in the universe (in two giant buildings), musical entertainment, a big petting zoo with strange surly animals in it, a stock show competition, many bizarre and interesting displays and more more more. Obviously, I mentioned the food because it’s almost all you care to sample when you’ve done all of the rest of it before.

Last year’s trip to the fair was hilariously harrowing. We decided to drive a few minutes to the local train depot, ride the train into Dallas and then take a bus through downtown to the fairgrounds. In Texas, everybody who can afford one has a car. That means it’s the hard-working (and frightening) people who use public transit, and the occasional rich hippy who wasn't allowed to keep his llama in the city.

What made it harrowing was the fact that me and the Petite Filet had the young Cutlet, a large folding stroller and enough diapers to cover a thousand butts. It was awkward for me to sit on that yee-yawing bus holding the stroller, trying not to piss off the other bus patrons who were likely armed and could become instantly dangerous. I tried my best not to stare directly into any lazy eyes or zagged facial scars.

We made it to the fair unscathed, had an excellent time (mostly eating and looking at things), and then nearly missed the bus to get back to the train station for ... of course ... one of the last trains scheduled to go back to Fort Worth. If we had missed it, we would have been forced to wait another 2 hours before the next and final train. Not good with tired adults and a tired baby.

Back to my original thought: the food.

Had my first and last fried Twinkie® last year, and it was kind of disappointing. Also to be had are fried Oreos®, fried Snickers®, fried key lime pie, fried marshmallows and corny dogs (duh). Nothing is sacred when it comes to dipping things in batter and frying them up. The results aren’t always delicious, though, and they go for a premium price.

Might make for a fun party at home to get out the deep fryer and experiment with random things around the house. Everybody could bring their favorite foods and try it out. We could even play "truth or dare" and have people eat fried things and try to guess what they are. Except that we don't have a deep fryer and our friends aren't that adventurous.

We might go to the fair again this year, but we’ll likely drive all the way over to Big D ourselves. Call us snobby, or whatever, but it will give us ultimate flexibility for going, leaving and traveling in comfort. And after eating my weight in turkey legs, corny dogs, funnel cakes and whatever else, I’ll need all the help I can get.

My only worry is where we'd park, but there's always some drug dealer's front yard. It's culture, I guess!