Bring on da funk

• Hair Apparent
Being blind to some hygiene practices, it helps to have someone to tell you when to trim your ear hair, get a haircut or when that fu manchu just isn’t working out the way you planned.

• Holier Than Thou
Really, the holes in my underwear were making them more comfortable. Extra ventilation is a good thing, isn’t it?

• Fashion Police
This Hawaiian shirt doesn’t go with these gray slacks? Who knew?

• Hungry Man Dinner
Even though I do most of the cooking around the house, when I was single I usually just made sandwiches. I eat better with the checks and balances of a woman trying to stay healthy and eat “real food.” Sometimes I fall into bad habits when the family’s gone, like eating bacon twice a day. Which brings me to ...

• Round is a Shape
I’ve almost always exercised regularly, from walking and biking to jogging and lifting weights. I’m kind of in an in-between stage where I still exercise, but I’m struggling to maintain my shape (I’ve hit the fabled 30 Barrier, at which metabolism drops off like a sheer cliff). I have added reasons to stay healthy: so I can keep up with my family and look good for my woman.

• The Sex
Whuh? You’re planning to have sex with the same person the rest of your life? Why, yes. Familiarity doesn’t have to breed boredom in a love life. New spices can be added to the same recipe over time. In baseball terms, even if a fastball was fine for every pitch before, a few changeups can keep it interesting. Throw an occasional curve, or a slider. A fast-breaking knuckle ball doesn’t hurt, either. If that fails, try "playing" in another ballpark by changing the where and when you get busy. Truly knowing someone, personally, spiritually and sexually – and staying in tune with her needs and desires, and your own – makes for more intimacy. Realistically, being married often means having less sex than before because now you’re relying on phases of the moon, moods and scheduling for one person for the magic to happen. But any perceived wait is worth the bed-rocking good times that result. It’s also quite convenient that my lovemaking partner sleeps in the same bed next to me. Sex is just one aspect of marriage, but it’s important in sustaining that loving feeling.

• Baby, You Can Drive My Car
A single guy with more than one car often signals bad news. Ladies, watch out if your man has more toys than Toys R Us. However, being married means I have a good reason to have two cars and it looks less suspicious. It’s a man thing.

• Fluffy Things
There are a lot more pillows in my house since getting married. Pillows are good.

• Three is a Magic Number
It would’ve been harder to become a parent without my wife. When baby made us three, our life changed drastically. The Petite Filet stopped working outside the home, forcing us to (gulp) rely primarily on my salary to survive. I’ve got another reason to take care of myself and set a good example for my son. There is even more love in the house and in my heart. I thought the love I had for my wife was strong, but it got stronger and was added to the first time I held our little one. I'm longing for the day when he's out of diapers, but he's still a blessing just the way he is.

Not everyone needs to be married, or was probably meant to be. I hope if that’s the case that no relatives (good ol’ Mom) are pressuring you to find someone. Marriage is between the spouses. It can’t be solely about staying together for kids, because they’ll feel the tension. There has to be a glue between husband and wife to keep it going. I’m thankful every day that God sent me my Petite Filet. I’ve heard to make a marriage last you’ve got to wake up every day and choose to be married. You must walk the honest line and offer love and support every day. That’s somewhat true. For me, it’s not a hard choice to make.

I hope you find what you’re looking for, whatever it is.