Alternately titled: T-Bone Rants
We're making a lot of lemonade lately at Casa del T-Bone. And it's not because we like it; it's because we have no choice. Lemons are being hauled to us on flatbed trailers. And tenacious monkeys are using bazookas to shoot them at us.
Here's what I mean:
1. The Petite Filet had a car wreck
She was in Stillwater, Okla., last Saturday for a close friend's baby shower. Some young dude in a 2000 Firebird apparently didn't see the Family Truckster and pulled right out in front of her. Our poor beleagured vehicle already has had a few bumper benders in its 132,000 miles of driving, but this is one of the worst. Estimates she got yesterday put the damage in the $2,000 range. Fortunately, it was the other guy's fault, and his insurance will allegedly cover it. We'll see. I don't know that our truck is even worth $2,000. Neither the PF nor any of her passengers – the Cutlet and my mother-in-law (insert meat name here) – were injured.
2. Plumbing Disaster No. 57
The drain beneath our 40-year-old tub is leaking, and the plumbers are coming today. The job isn't cheap, but isn't so bad that I'll have to take a second job.
3. General Malaise
General Malaise did not invade the beaches of Normandy during World War II. Rather, he's a crusty old gent who drains the fun right out of life. I should be used to this every time the Petite Filet sees her mom, but she has said more adamantly that "she hates this place and wants to move." This, after only one week ago, being excited about how our house was coming together. We've had this conversation hundreds of times – and to some degree she aqrees – that moving closer to family (we're not terribly far now) wouldn't benefit our marriage. We make it a point to visit them often. I have had three fairly decent jobs without having to move; that's hard to find. Plus, I have put much work into our house and I like it. Long way to go, for sure (see No. 2), but that's part of the fun of taking pride in doing it yourself. She needs to get out of the house more often – stay-at-home mom is a tough job. Any suggestions?
4. Change
Change is good. I especially like finding it between the sofa cushions. Except that it's usually change I lost in the first place. This change involves the fact that I'll soon be shaking up the routine at work. It will be hard in some ways, and make my life easier in other ways. But not everyone will be happy.
5. We have no friends
This isn't entirely true, but in a way it is. "Church friends" and "work friends" don't really count. We ask ourselves about past friendships, and have discovered they were forged over common interests (in college: beer). It seems like we barely have time for each other, so what about hobbies? If we could find something that would bring us closer together yet yield new friends as well, we'd be all over it. If only we had the time. Any suggestions?
Ah, thanks for reading this ventitude. I'm soliciting help here. Even my blogfriends continue to be virtual strangers, but I value what you think. If you care to share your opinions, it would be greatly appreciated.
Have a nice day.
Having children generally categorizes you as a leper with your former friends. For example,
"Hey Ferd, let's go get a beer."
"Sorry, can't, heading to a T-ball game."
How about a party? A babysitter will cost $30 for 5 hours, a 12 pack of beer is $9, never mind let's stay home.
I just got work friends myself. Me and the wife have no hobbies in common. The kids and their activites bring us together and allow us to meet new people. So I know what you're saying.
We don't gotta be virtual buddies, we live in the same metroplex. We should have a blog get together.
You like to read, don't you? Have you thought about joining or starting a book club?
How about gathering neighbors together for a roving dinner party? Every month someone else hosts a group for dinner, with some kind of a theme.
Or, you could have appetizers at one house, dinner at the next house, and dessert at a third house.
Those are things that are fun and actually afford adult social contact...
i find doing things that might get me killed is a great way to feel good about life.
just a suggestion.
Sorry about all the crappy stuff that happened to you. Sheesh!
Getting out of the house as a stay at home mom: As much as I moan (with good reason) about my MOMS Club, I have met several good apples in the group who are wonderful at dragging me kicking and screaming sometimes out of the house. Library story times are excellent places to be out and see other people who actually talk!
As for friends....oh how I find it difficult to make new friends. The dynamics are so tricky. First you have to have kids that can get along (you are lucky in that sense until the boy gets a bit older) and then you have to like the mother and then you have to wonder if your spouses will actually enjoy each other's company. Ugh. It's like a dating scene- only more complicated if you can even imagine that!
We have a lot of child less friends...I think because I am so bad at my job no one wants to do it. I find the older my kids get and the more my world is centered on them the harder it is to keep the childless relationships working.
The really sad thing for me is...I struggle with this and I've lived here my entire life! Jesus.
General Malaise visits my house (that I alternatively hate and love) every now and then, too. Right now he's wearing a t-shirt that says "I Heart NY" and he's constantly bringing me awful news about people I love. Most of the time he's relegated to the balcony, where I see him, peeping in through the sliding glass door at me, as I sit, laughing and sometimes crying, trying to figure out if my blog is in its twenties or thirties.
Glad to hear the PF et al came out of the accident unscathed. Scary stuff.
As for stuff to do, check out classes at the community college. The ones here have classes for as little as $11 a credit. Photography might be something you and the wife could enjoy together and it would also give you an excuse to get out of the house to find things to photograph.
Friends happen at a few different times in life. One is when your children are involved in sports and other child activities, you do a lot of standing around and talking. Sometimes a friendship evolve
You're very lucky to be content with your family.
Feh. Each its own challenge. Wish I had something to contribute other than, sorry to hear about it. Book club is a good idea. Bowling is fun and kids usually like it. Sometimes you just have to find balance where ever you can.
A weekly Two Part recipe. Two blocks of time. Stick with it. Even if you don't know what you'd do with the time yet.
Schedule a babysitter twice a week. For these two reasons:
1. Quality Time as a couple. Or it turns into the lyrics for Pina Colata. Be open to new activities. Check out hobby shows. People are enthusiastic about sharing info on their hobby.
2. Alone time. A block of Quality Time for what makes a human being their own person. It's not selfish. It's necessary for personal growth and reflection. Even if it's "just," window shopping, reading a book or a walk.
...Teeny tiny Nudge suggestion ;-)
Meeting/joining members of a reputable Internationally recognized charity. ie: Lions priorities to each other: Family first, health, friendships, before community needs. It sounds sappy, but necessary because some people get right into it and burn out. The whole organization is based on friendships with like-minded people of all age groups. Each club has it's own personality.
Right now: Lions, Lioness, Rotary, Kiwanis, Shriners, volunteer fire depts orgs, Hospital volunteers... they're all hurting for active members.
that stinks. i have zero suggestions. sorry.
matt is my only friend. i mean i have friends...but none i talk to on a weekly basis. and you know...we just don't do things with other people. we either do things independently, or with other people. i like it. saturday is our independent day. i dig in the dirt...or work on a house project...and he does something sporty. sunday is our together day...we play catch in the yard...take the dog out...and settle in to wach sopranos and dead wood. every evening is spent winding down at our new crib. it is simple...and i love it. maybe we should have friend couples to do stuff with...but why? it is good the way it is.
you are in a bit of a rut. (as you know) it will pass. just keep making that lemonade and keep your rockin' attitude.
i meant...we either do things indepenedently...or with each other...sheesh...that is confusig.
My advise was to try and find an athletic class you can take together, the more physical, the better. We have had several married couples in boxing. They love the sparring part! Try introductory classes at several places and look for a good team-atmosphere. Hey- the community center ususally has team sports, that could be fun.
I think Yvonne's suggestion is maybe even better. I"m sure your church has a list of organizations needing volunteers. Try Habitat for Humanity. You can actually participate in the building of houses- work off some pressure, y'know? I"m sure you're both rather practiced at building and repairs by now! ;0)
I agree with everyone about getting involved in some sort of charity work.
An idea for the Petite Filet might be to do something like Meals on Wheels, or volunteer for the American Cancer Society. I've made lots of friends (non-church, non-work), I'm crazy-busy, and it's very rewarding on a personal level. The "pay" is the same as being a Stay-At-Home Mom (zip), but the money isn't important. After the Relay is over-and-done I was going to invite some of the people I work with, along with their spouses/significant others over for dinner. (D. wants me to "find friends for him, too.")
I understand wanting to be home, and around your relatives. My recent visit home had me in tears - I want to move back to Texas so bad it drives me nuts - but - I also have to be supportive, and appreciate the good life we've got here. Just keep the lines of communication open at all times, and remember you're both on the same team.
I can so relate to this post. We have a lot of the same problems. The friend problem has been solved recently by finding couple friends - parents of our daughter's friend at school. So we go over to their house and the kids play and we talk about science fiction and car safety ratings.
B and I haven't been very successful at making non-work friends since we moved from HI to NM and then to TX. B has joined the local lodge, and the entire family takes taekwondo lessons at a great school here, which is a good start. We both have lots of online-friends/acquaintances, but don't have a circle of friends IRL like we used to. I have no girlfriends to go to Target with, and poor B is the one stuck listening to all my blathering. It's a good thing we get those mobile-to-mobile minutes, but I still get a bit wistful thinking about having friends nearby.