The Quiet House

For some reason, there’s absolutely nothing on TV. Even The Simple Life reunion show fails to satisfy my hunger for sweet noise, although it gives me hope that maybe if I invite Paris Hilton to stay at my house, after a few weeks she’ll buy me a 2004 Dodge Durango. What strange bliss it must be to live ignorant of what a Wal-Mart is! Come on, Paris, there are four of them within 20 miles of my house – two of them are Super Wal-Marts. Yeah, baby. No, wait! I’m happily married! Yikes! Step away from the video camera! And for goodness sakes, turn the light on!

It’s hard to get used to the quiet when you’re used to a short little guy greeting you at the door with a wide grin, following you around the house wanting to play. There’s no consolation prize when the sexy, vivacious woman you love isn’t around to even ask the dull questions about how days went and what color to paint the hallway. Even when you’re living a life you love, it’s easy to dismiss the routine things as boring. When my family is temporarily gone, however, it’s like chewing sandpaper until they get back. Sure, I can take care of myself and all that. But do I want to? Been there, done that, outgrew the T-shirt.

Sheesh, even the dog is too well-behaved to bark in the house. I’ve got to have a talk with that dog!

If there is any bright side, it’s that jarring realization of how much I love them and can’t imagine living longterm without them. Some call that pathetic; I call it bliss. I know what I want out of life, and it’s them. I thought I loved the Petite Filet with all I had, but somehow that darn Cutlet carved out space in my heart, too.

On a happier note, in this pale season of winter, there are some things to be thankful for:

• The Winter Solstice (Dec. 22) marks the longest night of the season. That means the days have been getting longer, minute by minute, every day since then!

• The Super Bowl! I love football, and don’t care who’s playing or who wins. The game is always exciting, if only because of the hype and ultra-cool commercials surrounding it.

• More awful reality/semi-reality TV! Survivor All-Stars, American Idol, The Bachelorette, et. al. I wonder if producers of The Bachelor realized beforehand how the losers on the show would provide seemingly endless possibilities of spinoff episodes. It scares me that they probably knew. The most heinous reality series will be Election 2004. And the winners of that show won’t go away for years.

• Spring, Time of Dripping Allergies, Warmer Days & Pretty Flowers, will bloom before we know it. In my part of Texas, Spring lasts 52 hours before morphing into Summer Blast Furnace. I’m a warm-weather-outdoor kind of guy, so I love that time of year.

• Tax Time in April. We’re dreading it, because our tax situation resembles spaghetti in light of my job change and the Petite Filet’s at-home graphic design and other business ventures. I’m getting heartburn just thinking about it. But then our 5-year wedding anniversary is later in April.

• Regular readers know I’m a happily married man. I talk about it ad nauseum. But doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the annual Shedding of Winter Clothes that accompanies the changing of the season. Ah, femininity in bloom and on display! You don’t have to be old to be a dirty old man. Heck, you don’t even have to be dirty or a man!

• The Cutlet is going to be a lot of fun this summer.

• Time may move fast or slow, but it stops for nobody. The future is ripe for the picking, and it’s up to us how we spend its bounty. What are you going to do with your time?

• My family is coming back Sunday afternoon.

Thank you for indulging my rambles. If you’ve made it this far, I’ll make sure you don’t get voted off the island first.

Happy day, people!