If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we are doomed to repeat them. That phrase could also say, “If we don’t learn from past holidays, we are doomed to repeat them.” With the holiday season upon us, it’s only a matter of time before something we do is going to bite us in the butt.
Here are 15 holiday survival tips I have learned firsthand, read somewhere or heard from acquaintances. Used properly, you will make it through to the other side mostly unscathed:
1. Don’t bother eating things like mashed potatoes, which you can get any time of year. Stick with special seasonal dishes that are only available now.
2. Be careful not to swallow a turkey bone. My uncle did this one year, and had to drink lots of water and eat lots of bread in futile attempts to dislodge the errant morsel. It can be a real pain in the rear.
3. If there are tons of desserts, have a small amount of each one rather than multiple full servings. You’ll thank me later!
4. Fireworks should not be set off indoors, especially around a Christmas tree.
5. It’s not nice to make people laugh when they’ve got mouths full of food. See No. 2.
6. It’s OK if you don’t remember everyone’s name at your family reunion. Just say, “Hey! You haven’t changed a bit!” You might also decide whether you’ve entered the wrong house.
7. When you unwrap some strange, unfamiliar contraption, make sure you know what it’s used for before dancing around with it on your head.
8. Tongue-kissing is not appropriate for second cousins. At least not at the dinner table.
9. Hanging around the kitchen so you can lick spoons and bowls is OK. Just make sure the pan you are sampling wasn’t filled with warm water and used to thaw the raw turkey.
10. Dogs can get gassy when you feed them broccoli under the table.
11. “Not picking your nose as much” isn’t a New Year’s resolution that is good to share. Especially after you’ve cooked a nice meal for everyone.
12. When your family wants to know what you’d like for Christmas, the answer “A case of liquor and some crotchless panties” is not always appropriate. Especially if you're a 13-year-old boy.
13. Caution should be used when serving wine for your special celebration. It is best not to put the box directly on the table, where it will block the view of the TV.
14. Old people don’t necessarily like to be tickled. Bladder control can be a tricky thing.
15. Always treat your friends and relatives with respect. Sadly, they know where you live and will probably do something awful to you tomorrow.
Once again, have a Happy Thanksgiving! What are some lessons you’ve learned?
Excellent, excellent tips!! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday :)
have a great turkey day!
I'm glad you feel no hesitation in spanning the full spectrum of possible dangers to avoid. Are you sure the 2nd cousin restriction isn't a state by state case?
I wish you were coming to our thanksgiving, we're shy a few family members this year too.
I'm sure you guys will have your own very special thankful (in more ways than one) day on Sunday.
Is it the U.S. holiday today? I don't have a calendar with it listed.
Congrats on the new job! I'll have to browse down farther to find what it is!
...Aww! Pizza instead of turkey?! The part about your parents eating habits cracked me up! Hope it had jalapenos on it at least!
:) Cheers!
that's your best list ever !