Late-night talk show host David Letterman is going to become a first-time father sometime in December. Here's some advice for him, in the form of a Top Ten List:
10. Eat right and exercise! You're 56 years old and have had major heart surgery. I'm 26 years younger, in fairly good shape, and still find it hard to keep up with the Cutlet.
9. Change as many diapers as you can. It's gross, but they grow up so fast!
8. Listen to any advice your mother or sisters give you on parenthood. You can't buy their experience. In addition to others' advice, find your own way.
7. Your baby's due sometime in December. Our Cutlet was born Dec. 26. Like us, try to find a way to make Christmas and your child's birthday special. It will take some effort, but it will be appreciated when he's older.
6. The most important thing you can do is spend time with the little nipper. Then there's love, patience, understanding and teaching them the difference between right and wrong.
5. Lay off the jokes, funny man. Your girlfriend was a writer on your show. The two of you have the power to teach the kid to appreciate humor, or to resent it. Be careful!
4. You two shouldn't get married only for the child. Do it if it's the right thing for you. Raise the child in a house of love, however it is created.
3. Huggies® Supreme Comfort Strech diapers are awesome! They cost more, but it makes a difference. We use Pampers® Aloe Touch wipes. See No. 9. And Desitin® Creamy anti-rash cream.
2. Don't do a Top Ten List on your show every time junior does something new. See No. 5.
And the No. 1 piece advice on parenthood from T-Bone to David Letterman is ...
1. Don't bother with a hairpiece. The kid will end up using it as a bath-time toy anyway. Bald is beautiful!
good advice for the old man. i didn't see it, but i heard letterman was cracking jokes about himself passing away before the kid had time to grow up and cause him any grief. i hope he handles it all well.
Amen on #7! My b-day is 12/25, and I can totally relate. Half b-day parties are a great idea, once the little guy is old enough to understand and appreciate. It's always difficult to coordinate a b-day party during the holidays for kiddos b/c school is out, friends are visiting relatives in other places, holiday stress is ever-present and there never seems to be any time. My parents always did a great job of separating birthday from Christmas, and that's not easy!
Love it! Great advice! Totally agree about the birthday thing. We have a Dec birthday here too and making it special is a must. (ie: No wrapping birthday presents in Christmas paper!)
Great Top 10, T-Bone! I've also accepted my fate of eventually going bald. Luckily, I've shaved my head for years, and I've never really had that connection to hair as many men seem to.
Wowza - where have I been? I missed the news that Dave was going to be a dad.
Great top ten list! You're giving the writers on his show some competition.
The Cutlet is very lucky to have you as a dad! He will turn out great because you marinated him in so much love and attention!
amen to #7, too, t-bone! i'm 12/28, so i know how important it is to separate xmas from bday. otherwise the kid will grow up like wendy and me, plotting out half birthday parties in june!
very funny, good advice. (especially number 1 )
I love it. Great advice!
Which home office was that from? I hope it was Wahoo, Nebraska, those people are smart. Too funny as always, T.
I've got an addendum to this advice:
Mr. Letterman, don't pay any attention to the idiot-parenting featured on the Monday sitcom lineup on your very own network, CBS. The shows "Yes, Dear", "Still Standing" and "Everybody Loves Raymond" have their funny moments, but the messages about parenthood/fatherhood are absolutely, totally, unequivocally worthless. Sheesh. Same goes for the few minutes of Charlie Sheen's new show I saw.
bald is beautiful!! mostly on babies.
You're a wise man, wise beyond your years! *S* Great advice.